Nazi raccoons conquer Europe

Ananova ^ | 4/11/04 | UNK.

[Slings and Arrows]

Raccoons released by Hermann Goering in Germany in 1934 to "enrich the Reich's fauna" are threatening to succeed where their Nazi benefactors failed by conquering Europe.

They have become so successful that German authorities revealed this week that raccoon numbers are now at record levels - with more than a million in Germany alone.

In neighbouring Austria the first raccoons have also been spotted and info leaflets have been dispatched warning people against feeding or encouraging the North American natives.

Plans are being discussed to employ "raccoon hunters" to try and reduce the scale of the problem and put a bounty on raccoon pelts.

The first pair of raccoons were released at Kassel, in the wooded hill country north of Frankfurt, where there are now 100 raccoons per square kilometre - the same density as North America.

Residential homes in Kassel resemble fortresses with mesh wire covering all openings and spikes defending drainpipes and gutters. Rubbish bins are secured with bungee cords or padlocks.

Kassel has hired an animal control officer whose sole duty is to patrol the streets in search of raccoons and answer residents' appeals for help.

The city has even paid zoologists from a nearby university to tag and study raccoons in a bid to determine the scope of the problem.

"Kassel is definitely the raccoon capital of Europe," says Ulf Hohmann, head of the raccoon study project. "I'd say 50% of the residents here have had close encounters with raccoons, some of them on a repeated or even regular basis.

"Our job is to educate the public about these marvellous animals as we study their true impact on the European environment."

[Slings and Arrows]

OK, the story is pretty routine, but how could I not post it with a headline like that?

The below pic is from the story. Captions welcome.

"Yahwohl, herr Raccoonfuehrer!"

[Tax-chick]

Ecology

[Piquaboy]

Looks like a job for the UN and John Kerry.

[DonaldDuke]

Plans are being discussed to employ "raccoon hunters" to try and reduce the scale of the problem

So what's the problem? They're threatening the weasels?

[July 4th]

Raccoons released by Hermann Goering in Germany in 1934 to "enrich the Reich's fauna"

By eating other peoples' garbage?

[Brian_Baldwin]

"Looks like a job for the UN and John Kerry" (Piquaboy) ... killer. Killer.

[Slings and Arrows]

Raccoons released by Hermann Goering in Germany in 1934 to "enrich the Reich's fauna"

By eating other peoples' garbage?

By adding diversity to the local roadkill.

[Condor51]

This article begs these questions:
Are the Nazi Raccoons relocating Jewish Raccoons to the Eastern territories? Do the Nazi Raccoons wear armbands? Is there a Raccoon SS? When the Nazi Raccoons invade do they round up all the rabbits and send them off to the Raccoon Gestapo for 'questioning'? Or is there even a Raccooon Gestapo?!?

Dammit Annanova, so many unanswered questions. Your reporting sucks!

[MrB]

In neighbouring Austria the first raccoons have also been spotted

I've never seen a spotted Raccoon, much less a spotted Nazi raccoon.

Seriously, I was in Germany & Austria last year and I can't remember seeing any.

[San Jacinto]

Looks like a job for the UN and John Kerry.

Way over their heads.

[Renfield]

Raccoons are voracious and destructive predators, particularly upon the eggs and young of ground-nesting birds. Waterfowl, turkeys, grouse, partridges, larks, thrushes, etc, are hard-hit by raccoon predation. They also have an annoying habit of nesting in people's attics (my mother-in-law in Kentucky had to hire a professional trapper to remove a whole family of raccoons--5--from her attic a couple of years ago). They can provide sport for hunters, but being nocturnal, it's bothersome for regular (i.e., diurnal) people to pursue them.

[Shryke]

Der abfall macht blad.

(Garbage makes you fat).

[DonaldDuke]

I've never seen a spotted Raccoon, much less a spotted Nazi raccoon.

I spotted a nazi in Germany once, but there are laws against turning them into raccoons.

[Eurotwit]

Well, that answers one question. However more worrying perhaps is this report from the sun:

"The menace follows reports of ten million “Stalin” crabs with a 3ft claw span heading towards Britain from Russia."

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1094610/posts

[Little Ray]

And don't forget the Russian 'Red Army' of Monster Crabs Heads West:

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/835417/posts

Get your butter sauce ready!

[Xenalyte]

Nazi raccoons conquer Europe

This will be the title of my band's next album.

[zygoat]

They worry about the little ones wearing masks when they should be worried about the smelly ones wearing towels.

[Verginius Rufus]

According to my dictionary, the German word for "raccoon" is Waschbaer (from "wash" and "bear")...if they had the old Prussian spirit they'd put them to work in the laundries.

[Anoreth]

Sounds like a job for CarolinaScout's BB gun. Too bad we can't go to Germany and Nazi raccoon hunt....

[Slings and Arrows]

A BB gun is too light for that job. A .25 air rifle with scope, OTOH...