Kennedy, Daschle Fined for Celebration Over Rice Testimony

Scrapple Face ^ | 03/31/04 | Various

[SeeRushToldU_So]

Kennedy, Daschle Fined for Celebration Over Rice Testimony (2004-03-31) -- Senators Edward M. Kennedy and Tom Daschle face stiff fines for their "excessive celebration" over news that the Bush administration had succumbed to pressure to allow National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice to testify under oath before the 9/11 commission.

A little-known Senate rule, similar to one used by the National Football League, prohibits "excessive, prolonged and premeditated celebrations by Senators," and levies heavy fines for violations.

"Rather than politely welcoming the Bush decision to allow Rice to testify," said an unnamed expert, "Kennedy and Daschle did a virtual Snoopy-dance in front of the reporters. The Senate is supposed to be the more deliberative body of the bicameral legislature. Daschle and Kennedy are out there high-fiving each other, doing that break-dance head-spin thing and simulating two-handed pistol fire. What kind of example is that to set for junior Senators like John Kerry and Hillary Clinton?"

A spokesman for Mr. Kennedy said that he "merely knelt and made the sign of the cross," and that the dancing was actually "an ancient Celtic tradition which is protected as religious speech under the Constitution."

However Mr. Daschle's office acknowledged that, upon hearing the news, the Senate Minority Leader had "leaped into the mosh pit of reporters and was passed around over their heads for some appropriate interval."

[SeeRushToldU_So]

Finally a sensible response to these guys.

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[MegaSilver]

A spokesman for Mr. Kennedy said that he "merely knelt and made the sign of the cross," and that the dancing was actually "an ancient Celtic tradition which is protected as religious speech under the Constitution."

Yeah, Ted Kennedy was just piously practicing Irish Catholic tradition.

Mmm-hmm.

[ErnBatavia]

I'd like to see Ted "spike" little Tom in the end zone.

[SeeRushToldU_So]

Come join the fun.

[breakem]

kennedy may have knelt, but how many staffers did it take to help him up?

[canalabamian]

Smells of April Fools...probably pretty appropriate for the topic. ;)

[ladyinred]

This isn't an April Fool's joke is it?

[Hand em their arse]

A spokesman for Mr. Kennedy said that he "merely knelt and made the sign of the cross"

Reading further down in the article, reporters and cameramen were said to turn and haul ass in fear that a sudden lightning bolt would hit any second!!!

[sgtbono2002]

Teddy would have to bend over to high five the midget Daschle and I would suggest he take the drink out of his hand first.

[Dog Gone]

This is satire from Scrapple. It's April Fools there every day, and it's pretty dang funny stuff most of the time.

[eggman]

This isn't an April Fool's joke is it?

No, just a joke about a couple of fools.

[RightWingMama]

This isn't an April Fool's joke is it? No, just a joke about a couple of fools.

Or a couple of fools who are total jokes.

[AgThorn]

My favorite:
http://www.scrappleface.com/MT/archives/001646.html

March 21, 2004
Bin Laden Withdraws Support for Kerry
(2004-03-21) -- Religious philosopher Usama bin Laden today announced that although he had been among the unnamed foreign leaders who support John Forbes Kerry's election as U.S. president, he has withdrawn his support.

"At first, I was an anyone-but-Bush man," said Mr. bin Laden on an audiotape aired by al Jazeera TV. "But the more I hear about Kerry's strategy of nuanced engagement, the more I like Bush. At least I know where I stand with the Great Satan from Texas."

Mr. bin Laden said he was concerned that his emissaries would be "tied up for years in fruitless talks with the Kerry administration."

"Next thing you know, al Qaeda will be chairing the U.N. Human Rights Commission," he said. "We don't have time for that kind of nonsense."

The Kerry campaign released the following brief statement: "There are no longer any foreign leaders who support Senator Kerry's candidacy."

by Scott Ott

[Arpege92]

"Kennedy may have knelt, but how many staffers did it take to help him up?"

LOL They probably just rolled his fat a_ _ out the front door!!!

[ChevyZ28]

APRIL FOOOOLSSSSS!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!! Gotcha!!!!!

[SeeRushToldU_So]

This isn't an April Fool's joke is it?

Shhhhh....don't tell.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

They are almost pathetic enough for this to be real! lol

Great find Rush......