Posted on 03/16/2004 7:05:19 AM PST by Doc Savage
Urgent Message:
Dear Foreign or More Leaders of Socialist Realms and to Friendly Communist and Islamic Dictators Threatening the Free World; Greetings of sincerety to you.
May I allow myself to be introduced to you as I am known. I am Senator John Cash&Kerry, formerly of Mozambique, and now to be living in the DC of Washington and the Cape of Cod.
Of recently, I have had unpleasant circumstances befall all around me as a statement I have made regarding personal conversations with foreign despots such as yourselves, has sufficiently landed me in water of the hottest kind.
As the Second President of Blackness to seat myself in the Office of Ovalness, I appeal to you for assistance in this my greatest hour of personal need.
I am rested assurred that you are thinking, "This man of Blackness wants money!!" But no, for I am fortunate to be swimming in green "Ketchup" currency up to my patrician dog-ears.
My request at this most urgent moment is for you to fly immediately to the Cape of Cod and meet with me the Press of our nation to profess your most sincere hatred for George Bush, my most evil adversary.
Your lies, er I mean assistance in prevaricating this attack will be most appreciated as my African-American wife will provide your dictatorship with much relish of pickle and many, many gherkins and catsups which you will be enjoying.
As a last favor I implore you my most loyal terrorist comrades to bring with you several of the most poisonous snakes you have so that I can send my oldest and dearest friend, Ralph of Nader, a specimen for his enjoyment.
It is you with my thanks of so much,
John
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