Cyberappliances attack Italian village

The Register ^

[per loin]

The small village of Canneto di Caronia in Sicily has become the front line in the war of annihilation between humanity and Terminator-style roboappliances.

For three weeks terrified residents have battled for their very survival against spontaneously-combusting TVs, fridges and cookers which have damaged twelve houses and provoked a full-scale evacuation of the hamlet.

Mobile phones have mysteriously burst into flames, and even furniture - not previously noted for malevolent intent, except in the form of particluarly vicious sofabed mechanisms - has joined the struggle to purge mankind from the face of the planet.

Experts are baffled, particularly so since the fires continue unabated even when the power is disconnected.

The shaken mayor of Canneto di Caronia, Pedro Spinnato, says: "This all began three weeks ago and we can discover no explanation. We cannot risk a tragedy through these fires so I have no other option to evacuate.

"We have had engineers in to examine cables and wires but they can find nothing wrong. Twelve houses have been severely damaged after various domestic appliances burst into flames."

Civil protection chief Tullio Martella adds: "What is going on here is like a scene from some paranormal film. The fires continued even when we cut power to the village to see if that was a possible cause For the time being there is no scientific explanation and I have never heard of anything like this before."

That's because Martella has never been to Newcastle-upon-Tyne or Madrid where locals are fully aware of what's behind this kind of technological uprising.

And while the former residents of Canneto di Caronia are calling for an exorcism to purge their homes of evil, we at Vulture Central know there is only one real solution which can contain murderous robofridges and self-immolating kitchen furniture - stealth aircraft bearing nukes, and plenty of 'em. ®

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[ClearCase_guy]

No Black Helicopters have been seen near Italy. None. I swear it.

Really.

[theDentist]

Sounds like a serial arsonist. It's hard for appliances to catch fire when unplugged.

[Professional Engineer]

Mobile phones have mysteriously burst into flames, and even furniture - not previously noted for malevolent intent, except in the form of particluarly vicious sofabed mechanisms

Exporting your furniture terror to Italy are ya'?

[Paul C. Jesup]

It sounds like someone is playing with an EPM or Radio Freq. Weapon.

[the_devils_advocate_666]

Please step away from your computer...

[per loin]

They've evacuated the town of 4200, and have over 100 engineers onsite now, trying to figure it out. Or so the news reports go. The engineers may see things a bit differently from the villagers.

BTW, the town seems to have an electric railway system serving it.

[pax_et_bonum]

I knew it would happen sooner or later.

Now SUV's are getting the little guys to do their dirty work.

[per loin]

I read online that it was not a good idea to attempt the village in an automobile, due to the tiny streets. Perhaps that enraged the SUV's.

[per loin]

Gianfranco Allegra, of the Italian Centre for Electro-technical Experimentation, told the newspaper Corriere della Sera that he had watched as "an electrical wire lying on the floor that was not plugged in to the mains inexplicably caught fire". When he reported the incident to his superiors in Milan he was told to sober up.

[vollmond]

Obviously, a Rimbaldi device is to blame. Maybe we can get Sydney to stop moping long enough to check it out.

Better yet, send her Dad. He tends to get things done.

[Darksheare]

It waited for it's prey to come by, it's leather upholstry tempting it's vitcims to their doom. Waiting with it's siren song of comfort and relaxation to lure some weak willed to take a seat... Suddenly they are stuck! The chair won't let them go! Slowly it starts it's feeding process.. the victim feels their legs and arms grow weak as the chair saps their strength. Then it devours their soul once they are asleep and defenseless....
And everyone thought that barcaloungers were harmless luxuries.
/ end story short.

Yes.

[rcofdayton]

It's George Bush's fault.

[Professional Engineer]

Aha! Yer even in the keywords.

[Darksheare]

Well, yes.
It's all part of my plan to take over the world.
And what better place to start the evil plan than in the Old World?

[dfwgator]

Tonight on Fox, "When Appliances Attack."

[pax_et_bonum]

I read online that it was not a good idea to attempt the village in an automobile, due to the tiny streets. Perhaps that enraged the SUV's.

Probably so. Their homicidal tendencies are well documented.

[null and void]

Ping.

Your vacation spot?

[Liberal Classic]

Shades of Nightmare Number Three by Stephen Vincent Benet. This concludes today's obscure literary reference.

[mollynme]

I see a Stephen King story in here somewhere.