19 CARDINAL RULES for Driving in Houston

Focus on Freedom ^ | unknown

[steplock]

19 CARDINAL RULES for Driving in Houston
Date: Sunday, November 02 @ 16:43:04

The 19 Cardinal Rules Of Driving In Houston

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1. A right lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same jerks to squeeze their way back in before hitting construction barrels. (Bonus points are awarded for getting out of your car and moving the barrels.)

2. Turn signals provide clues as to your next move in the road battle so never use them.

3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you no matter how fast you're going. If you do, the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

4. The faster you drive through a red light, the less your chance of getting hit.

5. The car with the most extensive body work automatically has the right of way. (Remember no-fault insurance. He might not have as much to lose as you do.)

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to insure that your anti-lock braking system kicks in to give you a nice relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates.

7. Construction signs are carefully positioned to tell you about road closures immediately after you pass the last opportunity to exit, but just before the traffic begins to back up.

8. The electronic traffic warning system signs are not there to provide useful information, but just to tell time and make Houston look progressive.

9. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It's a good way to scare people entering the highway. Passing on the shoulder is encouraged; that's why they're paved.

10. Speed limits are arbitrary figures to make Texas look as if it conforms with other state policies; these are intended only as suggestions and are actually unenforceable.

11. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.

12. Please remember that there is no such thing as a shortcut during rush-hour traffic.

13. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident or even a person changing a tire. If you're lucky, you may see the unlucky breakdown victim get mugged.

14. Learn to swerve abruptly. Houston is the home of the very high-speed slalom driving thanks to Texas Department of Transportation (TxDOT), who put potholes in key locations to test drivers' reflexes and keep them on their toes. Parts of truck tires are left on new highways where potholes haven't yet been established.

15. It is considered correct in Houston to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes. Our city is founded upon such traditions.

16. Seeking eye contact with another driver automatically revokes your right of way.

17. Giving the finger may invite armed retaliation. Be sure that your rifle is on the gun rack in the rear window and visible rather than lying on the seat.

18. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Louisiana.

19. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow the ruts in the grass to the frontage road like everyone else. This is how Houston residents notify TxDOT where exits should have been built.

This article comes from Focus on Freedom
http://www.gohotsprings.com/focus/

The URL for this story is:
http://www.gohotsprings.com/focus/modules.php?op=modload&name=News&file=article&sid=661

[Babsig]

Never been to Houston, But will tell you this - after living in Atlanta for a few years this list is a SOP for driving the Primeter (I-285)

[stands2reason]

When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Louisiana.

Ping!

[Ole Okie]

Yeah, I 75 too.

And any other road within 30 miles of Atlanta.

Worst traffic in the nation.

And it will get worse and worse, with no way to relieve the congestion.

[stands2reason]

I have some rules for driving in San Angelo.

You may see Speed limit signs that say, 35, 40, 45, and 50. Those are fakes. The real speed limit is 25.

Make all turns at 5 miles per hour.

When you pull up to a line of cars behind a light, and they don't move for 5 minutes, that means the light is green.

You may pull out directly in front of people as they are going 25 mph. If they aren't, well, they should have been.

And one for all of Texas---you must come to a complete stop before getting in the left turn lane.

[R. Scott]

The list may have been made up in jest – but I believe it.
When traveling from Los Angles to Florida on I-10 I had to enter Houston. It took only a few miles to realize that me and my Harley had no business being there. I took the next (safely) available exit and ended up in Pasadena. The ferry ride across the water was a lot more enjoyable than Houston’s I-10.

[justkillingtime]

These rules could also apply very easily to Chicago as well...yet I imagine they would apply almost anywhere. I am amazed every day at the people that have been issued licenses to drive.

[Eaker]

(Remember no-fault insurance. He might not have as much to lose as you do.)

We don't have no-fault insurance.

That is why when you run an a$$hole off the road you make it look like it is their fault.

As to honking at light changes, this is the only way to get the fat bitch in front of you to drop either her burrito or cell phone and go.

I drive here every day and yer list ain't too accurate.

[Dog Gone]

There are no motorcycle drivers in Houston over the age of 25. At least for long.

[Tall_Texan]

Houston is certainly challenging but Massachussetts is worse - far worse. They have an excuse, though - since their public schools are busy teaching sodomy, it left no time for driver education.

[ChewedGum]

These are great. I am having minor foot aches, so I'm thinking about going for a drive to put Rule #6 to use. Sounds theraputic.

Gum

[SeaDragon]

Lookie, lookie, this is what we have been talking about.........

[TrappedInLiberalHell]

I've driven in both Boston and in Houston. Driving in Houston is like trying to run with wolves. You can't keep up and if they turn on you you have no defense. Driving in Boston is like filling out your Federal 1040 tax form while surrounded by adults with attention-deficit disorder who really need to use the bathroom badly, and you're in their way.

And New York City is both.

[HoustonCurmudgeon]

I have been in 49 states, most of the Americas north of Panama, 80% of Europe and several countries in Africa. I have had driver licences in Germany, the UK and South Africa in addition to Texas.

Drivers in Houston are not the worst I have seen (Mexico City, Rome)but they rank near the top!!!

[Peace will be here soon]

Crime Stoppers and HCSO investigators are looking for any information that the public may know regarding the apparently random shooting of William Sere on June 11, 2002.

The victim was driving his 1999 Blue Chevy Pick-Up truck West bound on North Beltway – 8 when on June 11, Sere was shot in the head by an unknown suspect.

Since the shooting, two other people have come forward and reported similar incidents on May 28th and at another location on June 11th. If other members of the public have been attacked in a similar fashion, investigators would like to talk with them. Anyone with information on Sere’s shooting are encouraged to call Crime Stoppers of Houston at 713-222-TIPS.

Crime Stoppers is offering up to $5,000 for information leading to the arrest and charging of the suspect in this case.
http://www.crime-stoppers.org/

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This man was my uncle, my only uncle. May he rest in peace. Some of you in Houston are probably familiar with this story. It is still unsolved. His family still mourns.

[XBob]

a good addendum to your list, which I have found too frequently:

#20. If you stay in the far right (or far left) lane because you aren't sure exactly where you exit, you will soon find yourself forced to exit unwillingly (and going in the wrong direction and getting thoroughly lost), unless of course, that is the exit you want, and then it will be closed for construction.

[giotto]

Rule 20: On freeways, always drive close enough to the car in front of you so you can see what radio station he's tuned to. This is not just for the left lane, but all lanes.

Rule 21: If coming up behind a car who's driving only 75, but you're driving 85, be sure to get within the above mentioned distance before suddenly swerving to pass (as per Rule #9, passing on the right is perfectly fine.)

Rule 23: When entering a freeway, don't worry about checking the traffic. They'll look out for you and adjust their speed accordingly. Sometimes it's fun to fake them out by pretending to adjust your speed, then doing the opposite, so the driver on the freeway has no idea what you are going to do. He slows down, you slow down. He speeds up, you speed up. You might even get him to slam on his brakes as you decide to slip in front of him just before you hit the barricade at the end of the ramp.

I see more idiot drivers in one day of Houston driving than I've seen in ten years of California driving.

[sticker]

Sounds like Nashville to me.

[XBob]

#21 - The high speed passing lane is the shoulder, and minimum overtaking speed is 30 mph faster than the traffic driving along side in a lane.

[XBob]

17 - "I see more idiot drivers in one day of Houston driving than I've seen in ten years of California driving."

It's sort of hard to drive like an idiot when you can't get above 5mph.