Posted on 03/21/2002 12:47:08 PM PST by PJ-Comix
Let the word go forth from this time and this place, to friend and foe alike, that the buck has been passed to a new generation of plagiarizers. Yes, it was the worst of times; it was the best of times. Actually it was precisely four score and seven years ago when my father set forth upon this continent dedicated to the proposition that all copycats are created equal. In fact, I can still remember what daddy told me while cutting a baseball diamond in the middle of his Field of Dreams cornfield: "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country."
And for my country I decided to write its history . . . second hand. For years I had a semi-automatic 6 gig computer with so much plagiarized data that at a range of 2 keyboards it could blow my conscience clear away. The question I've had to ask myself was, "Do I have one history book left in me to plagiarize or have I used up my 6 gigs?" So do I feel lucky? Well, do I, punk?
And you want to accuse me of plagiarism? Go ahead. Make my day!
Unfortunately, on December 7, a date that shall live in infamy, I was suddenly and deliberately attacked by the press and media forces of America. But I'm not worried. The only thing I have to fear is fear itself.
Let my accusers hurl their charges at me! I shall fight them on the beaches, I shall fight on the landing grounds, I shall fight in the fields and in the streets, I shall fight in the hills, I shall never surrender. At the moment, however, I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, sweat, and copied notes.
So does my public exposure as a plagiarizer mean the end of my career as an historian? No! This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning. In fact, I am just now beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Never in the field of historical research was so much owed by so many plagiarizers to so few sources. Therefore if my legacy lasts another thousand days, folks will still say, "This was her finest hour."
This much I pledge—and more: Let every pundit know, whether he wishes me well or ill that I shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe to assure the survival and the success of my embattled career. Yes, I am willing to negotiate a settlement of any lawsuit involving plagiarism. However, I will never negotiate out of fear. But I will never fear to negotiate.
Regarding the charges presented against me, I can only repeat what I said in a speech I gave at the Joseph Biden Center for Plagiarism Studies:
"Why is it that Doris Kearns Goodwin is the first in her family ever to be accused of plagiarism? Why is it that my husband is the first in his family ever to plagiarize? Is it because our fathers and brothers were not dishonest? Is it because I was the first Kearns in a thousand generations to plagiarize that I was slicker than the rest?"
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and accept plagiarizers as original thinkers. I have a dream that one day every copycat shall be exalted. This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing—let unoriginal writers do their thing. And if my lawyer gets me off the hook on this I shall sing out: "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty I am free at last!"
I have been to the mountaintop. And I've looked over the writer's contract. And I have seen the promised royalties. Like anybody I would like a long career. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to be a history shill.
So turn on, tune in, drop out, and leave me alone. You shall not press down upon the brow of plagiarizers this crown of thorns, you shall not crucify plagiarizers upon a cross of originality. Some people see things as they are and ask why. I copy things that were written before and say why not?
As to my plagiarism, I know that my public comments and my silence about this matter gave a false impression. I misled people including even my own ghostwriter. I deeply regret that I can only tell you I was motivated by many factors. First, by a desire to protect myself from the embarrassment of my own conduct. I was also concerned about protecting my family. However, it is now time to stop the pursuit of personal destruction.
I take responsibility for my part in plagiarism; that is all I can do. Meanwhile you are probably wondering: "Is you is or is you ain't a plagiarizer?" Well, it all depends on what your definition of "is" is.
As God is my witness! As God is my witness, they're not going to lick me! I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll plagiarize again! After all, tomorrow is another day.
Hmmm... And who did you plagiarize "LOL" from?
I'm so glad Dumb Doris finally got caught. Now I won't have to look at her ugly mug on PBS-TV. Maybe she can get a new job writing campaign speeches for Big "Shake-and-Bake" Janet.
Who would do anything that repulsive?
Well, at least we know that Kennedy wrote Profiles In Courage all on his own. BTW, a joke I used to tell was that some folks in Boston sound so profound that even the hookers there say things like:
"Ask not what your John can do for you but what you can do for your John.
The fact is that there are very few political speeches that have not been cobbled together (plagiarized) from those that went before.
Lincoln's Gettysburg Address was an original. And Harry Truman had some great original lines -- like telling the critic who dissed his daughter's singing voice that he was an SOB.
Today, you'd be hard pressed to find original oratory anywhere. Although "I did not have sexual relations with that woman" is quite quotable.
What a meretricious little cheat she is! Typical Dumbocrat.
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