Posted on 08/03/2020 10:33:29 PM PDT by L.A.Justice
ST. LOUIS PARK, Minn. — Divorce, at any age, can be really messy.
Studies are showing that the divorce rate in the U.S. has gone down over the past two decades, but for those over the age of 50, it doubled from 1990 to 2010.
More people at an older age calling it quits, which is a term coined "gray divorce".
"I think divorce is always complicated, but at an older age, there's a lot more variables," says Theresa Benoit, Owner of the Relationship Therapy Center.
Benoit says there are generally two peaks of divorce. The first is within the first seven years of marriage and the second is closer to around 20 years in.
"I'd say the biggest reason that relationships at that stage end is emotional disconnection," Benoit says. "They look at the rest of their life and realize - 'I only have whatever, 20 more years to live, this isn't what I want anymore.'"
That, coupled with things like less social stigma surrounding divorce, may be playing into the trend.
"People of this generation feel like they either have to suffer with a bad relationship, which many of them do, or they have to get a divorce and be alone at an older age," Benoit says.
Benoit admits that she might be a little biased, but that there's always the option to work on your relationship in a setting like therapy before filing for divorce.
That thought is echoed by Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Amanda Tapper at the Relationships Therapy Center.
"There are soft reasons and hard reasons for divorce. Typically soft reasons are things like 'we just don't communicate, we've lost our connection' and hard reasons are abuse and affairs," Tapper says. "I do think that when the reasons tend to be more on the softer side it is worth it to at least try to give your relationship some kind of chance to get back to that place, because it is possible."
I guess it is never too late to get a divorce...
This is very sad. If you are married to an abusive person, I can understand how divorce is the only way to get some semblance of a life back. If you just seem to not ‘connect’ anymore, you should try as hard as you can to figure that out.
Well, I’ve heard of it. My wife and I are both over 50; this isn’t the first rodeo for either of us, we’ve been together for 22 years; we’ve just resigned ourselves to the fact that sooner or later, one of us is going to be spoon-feeding the other their applesauce for lunch at the nursing home. It could be worse.
Do these folks not know that a divorced couple with one spouse eligible for social security can get raise their benefit as much as from $29000 to $42000? And, that Medicaid cannot recover long term nursing home care benefits from assets awarded to the community spouse in a divorce preceding?
Of course they are getting divorced.
It’s Boomers. They’ve demonstrated most of their lives that marriages are just for convenience and when they stop being convenient - out they go. Or perhaps seniors are the only ones with enough money left that women will divorce to get half of it. Take your pick.
From the headline, I figured it was about elderly couples getting divorced. ....Article never mentioned age.
Oooops!
I see now that it did mention “over the age of 50”, but that’s not what I would call “gray”. ....I’ll be 78 this month (Aug) and have few gray hairs among the brown ones on my head, although my beard and mustache became mostly gray about age 70.
Happy B’day in advance!
so you are saying greed and selfishness are good reasons to get divorced?
seems i’ve read in some really old book - the love of money is the root of all evil
There are certainly many exceptions but most of the divorces among people I’ve known fall into one of two broad categories:
(1) Within the first 5 years (i.e., this was a bad match and one or both parties want out pretty quickly).
or (2) After the youngest kid turns 18.
I will say, though, I heard a few years ago about a high school classmate whose parents called it quits after like 45 years of marriage. I don’t really get that. If you’ve stuck out that long, why bother?
I’m 24 years in. And we have our ups and downs, and shout em outs! But we also have commitment, you know, your word that you gave when married. We also understand how incredibly hard it can be to live with a completely different human at times and practice forgiveness.
When you are diagnosed with colorectal cancer, and: your spouse declares that you had to go out there and get it, then, complains to you about the medical Bill’s for your treatments and surgery, and your oncologist suggests getting rid of your spouse is one of your options, you make the choice.
Happens a lot in Japan. As soon as the guy retires and goes home, divorce. Not sure if it is because she gets a share of the retirement then, or that couple need vital space or that the younger lady sees herself getting no inheritance...
At 20 years in, the kids are leaving. For some, that was the only tie left.
Mamon, kill for a dollar...
Indeed. Why do these journalists always act surprised when they perfectly know the reason has to do with the way the legal and government redistribution system is worked out...
Where would I have said that?
What has amazed me recently are all the large family divorces. Couples in their sixties and plus with 6 to 11 kids, grandkids etc divorcing. Most had been conservative Christians.
It is like they never heard of the concept of separate bedrooms.
Just wow.
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