Posted on 09/21/2019 9:21:02 AM PDT by dayglored
Free burritos keep the action going but, jeez, open a window would ya?
Hardcore gamers no longer have to tread the knife-edge of actual life or death in the physical world while pwning n00bs in their favourite battle royale.
Thanks to some newly installed and highly conspicuous emergency buttons – each helpfully labelled EMERGENCY BUTTON to avoid any potential confusion – players hunkering down for the long haul at the Belong Gaming Arena in central Bristol from Monday next week will not end their days as a dried up old skeleton with a Dual Shock still quivering between their bony fingers.
No, they will be a healthily plump and rosy-cheeked skeleton and their calcified fingers will be like post-Brexit pork sausages.
How? One punch on that EMERGENCY BUTTON and a Deliveroo slave will be on his or her way over with a burrito* just for you, freshly prepared** by a nearby partner restaurant. You do not even need to leave your comfy gaming seat as the food is brought straight to the customer in store.
Oh, and the burrito will be free.
Save me! I haven't eaten in literally MINUTES! (unless you count the Pringles and Butterkist)
Bristol's Belong came up with the suspiciously publicity-friendly idea to "make sure that the gaming community is nurtured and cared for and that the Belong Gaming Arenas are places where friends and community can spend quality time together enjoying the games they love – without skipping important meals!"
Clearly there's no meal as important as a burrito [can confirm – Ed] and Belong certainly wants to keep customers topped up with Mexico's most famous of health foods. Gamers can be assured that their burrito will count as one of their five-a-day***.
Given that seasoned players usually stock up with a case of Mountain Dew before joining the virtual throng, lack of liquids should not be a problem. In fact, gamers are among the keenest advocates of plastic bottle recycling, typically pissing into the empties in situ to avoid leaving their chairs for toilet breaks.
Hence that old gaming adage: "Never drink the Lucozade, because nobody brought any." ®
* Vegetarian options are available
** Earlier in the day, possibly
*** i.e. Five burritos a day
Silliness. You don’t use slaves for this, you use robots. Dang Brits.
Or girlfriends or wives I thought.
But what if you’ve reached the limit of your parent’s credit card?
Gamers starving to death?
I daresay, the article’s author hasn’t actually MET too many professional gamers and/or computer geeks. Gamers (especially ones older than about 25), may be a lot of things, but “starving” isn’t one of them. A good percentage of professional computer folks could give Jabba the Hutt a run for his money. Simple, inescapable fact is that if you spend most of your time sitting on your ass, eventually, that ass is GONNA spread.
This so they don't have to leave their seat for anything.
Jeeez. I find Mountain Dew an extreme diuretic. I wouldn’t last one hour! Plus, at my age, I gotta stretch the old legs once in a while...
Brown 25 storage container.
Dang! Missed it by that much... Wonder what it was...
What about going to the toilet? :)
See post #7 I guess...
When I read stories like this, I wonder why so many people are against natural selection. If gaming overrides selfpreservation, maybe it’s nature’s way of thinning the herd.
I used to be a poker addict, close to fifty years ago.
At the time, the card room in Lake Elsinore offered a free steak dinner to the players on Wednesday evening. It was pretty good, too, including baked potato, etc.
All you had to do was go stand in line and get it. The chip girls would bring you a small side table and you could eat while playing.
I was such a poker addict. One night I didn’t get up and get my free dinner, just kept playing. Don’t remember, must have been losing that night.
Why would anyone go to some public place to play computer games anyway? Just sit in your house.
I built a major gaming pc. 8-core cpu, SSD, 16g RAM and a GTX960 GPU. Not too shabby for a poor person. Of course it was bought one component at a time.
And I never pay full price for games. Just wait until they’re on sale. I got Fallout 4 for $10, Grand Theft Auto V for $15. I can wait until they’re on sale. Ain’t paying $60 for a video game.
And FYI, an XBox 360 controller works on a PC. No keyboarding here.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.