Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'It is!'
'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'
'I can!'
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'I do!'
'Is he a member of your congregation?'
'He is!'
'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
'He will.'
Lol!!!
Those are good. :)
Nice!
Lol!
Babylon Bee has a Facebook page and one of the articles has a photo of a sad-looking dog and is entitled, “Calvinist dog rebukes owner: no one is a good boy.”
If Michael Jackson molested one more boy the Catholic Church would have made him a Bishop.....
God does like to see us smile. I’m not a very funny person, because I have a strange sense of humor. He sends things that we would make us LOL for that is joy! He is joy! I’ve had a dropped piece of paper land on its edge (standing) three times within a 2 yr period. I just laughed. It still cracks me up. It’s Him. No other explanation. Shooting stars. How long since they were sent our way? Those things make me laugh. You have to want to see them. Acknowledging Him brings peace, too.
Apologies for the tangent. I’m smiling.
hmmm. My brother is hilarious with words. I am not an oral learner, I am a visual learner. So God sends us laughter in ways that we learn about Him. Apologies again, just me.
Thanks for the smiles
Marriage Humor
Wife: ‘What are you doing?’
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: ‘Nothing . . . ? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.’
Husband: ‘I was looking for the expiration date.’
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Wife : ‘Do you want dinner?’
Husband: ‘Sure! What are my choices?’
Wife: ‘Yes or no.’
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Girl: ‘When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.’
Boy: ‘It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles.’
Girl: ‘Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.’
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Son: ‘Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.’
Mom: ‘Well, you have done the right thing.’
Son: ‘But mum, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.’
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A newly married man asked his wife, ‘Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?’
‘Honey,’ the woman replied sweetly, ‘I’d have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!’
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A wife asked her husband: ‘What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?’
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: ‘I like your sense of humor!’
Husbands are husbands
A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.
‘What was that for?’ the man asked.
The wife replied, ‘That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket!
The man then said ‘When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.’
The wife apologized and went on with the housework. Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied. ‘Your horse phoned’!!
There is a longstanding tradition in Mexico for Priests to bless animals. And in practice it is very cute, because the owners want their animals to look as presentable as their child going to church.
So imagine a small girl in her white dress and hair doily, leading a burro (small donkey), which also is decorated in flowers, to the Priest, who with proper flourish, blesses it and other animals before a happy crowd. Some, like pigs or chickens, they do by the pen.
It’s pretty much a holiday mood.
"Where've ya been, Molly," he asked sternly, "and where'd you get the fine clothes?"
"Well, Da, I cannot lie to ye," Molly answered, "I became a prostitute. But I've come home with some money to give ye to help with hard times,"
Dad snorted, "I'll not take any of yer filthy, ill-gotten gains, girl," he stated firmly.
Molly gestured to the new car behind her, "Does that mean ye don't want the crates of fine Irish Whiskey in the boot, too?"
Her Dad looked at the car, looked at Molly, and said, "Ah, did you say prostitute? I thought ye said Protestant! Come on in and give yer old Dad a hug!!"
Susie Bell approaches her father and says, “Me and Billy-Bob is fixin’ to git hitched.”
He says, “Good! About time. You almost 15.”
She says,”Just one thing. We got a difference of beliefs.”
He grabs his shotgun and growls, “That sonofabitch! I’ll blow his head off!”
“Papa! You wouldn’t shoot Billy-Bob just because he’s a Catholic, would you?”
“Hell, no. I thought you meant he’s a Republican.”