Posted on 01/14/2018 1:19:31 PM PST by sodpoodle
Murphy’s Hat Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost fell down when he saw him. He had never been to church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?" Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you, Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass and figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat." The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat. What changed your mind?" Murphy replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all." With a tear in his eye the priest gave Murphy a big smile and said; "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal 'ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?" Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery', I remembered where I left me hat.
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it’s important to keep mentally alert. If you don’t use it, you will lose it !!!
Here is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to your last test. Some may think it is too easy, but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.
Take this test to determine if you’re losing it or not.
The spaces below are so you don’t see the answers until you’ve answered.
OK,RELAX,clear your mind and begin.
#1. What do you put in a toaster ?
Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast', just give up now and go do something else.
And, try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question #2 .. # 2. Say 'silk' ten times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink ?
Answer: Cows drink water. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question.
Your brain is already over-stressed and may even overheat.
Content yourself with reading more appropriate literature such as Women's Weekly or Auto World.
However, if you did say 'water', proceed to Question #3.
# 3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from ?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.
If you said 'green bricks', why are you still reading this ???PLEASE, go lie down !
But, if you said 'glass,' go on to Question #4.
# 4. Please do not use a calculator for this for it would be cheating:
You are driving a bus from New York City to Philadelphia.
In Staten Island, 17 people got on the bus.
In New Brunswick, 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
In Windsor, 2 people get off and 4 get on.
In Trenton, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Bristol, 3 people get off and 5 people get on.
And, in Camden, 6 people get off and 3 get on.
You then arrive at Philadelphia Station.
Without going back to review, how old is the bus driver ?
Answer: Oh, for crying out loud !
Don't you remember your own age?!?! It was YOU driving the bus!
If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you.
PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!
Last Saturday afternoon in Washington, D.C. an aide to Nancy Pelosi visited the Bishop of the Catholic Cathedral in D.C. He told the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day’s Mass, and asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.
The Cardinal replied, “No. I don’t really like the woman, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over some of Pelosi’s views.” Pelosi’s aide then said, “Look, I’ll write a check here and now for a donation of $100,000 to you if you’ll just tell the congregation you see Pelosi as a saint.”
The Cardinal thought about it and said, “Well, the Church can use the money, so I’ll work your request into tomorrow’s sermon.” As Pelosi’s aide promised, Nancy Pelosi appeared for the Sunday worship and seated herself prominently at the forward left side of the center aisle. As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that Ms. Pelosi was present.
The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, “While Ms. Pelosi’s presence is probably an honor to some, the woman is not numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of her most egregious views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and she tends to flip-flop on many other issues. Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker, and a nit-wit. Nancy Pelosi is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. I must say, Nancy Pelosi is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. She married for money and is using her wealth to lie to the American people. She also has a reputation for shirking her Representative obligations both in Washington and in California . The woman is simply not to be trusted.”
The Cardinal concluded. “But, when compared with Hillary Clinton, Ms. Pelosi is a saint.”
Funny.
HILARIOUS! LOL
The great thing about real humor is that it contains a modicum of truth. This is why liberals cannot tell what we call clean humor. Their father is the king of liars and the truth is not in them, therefore they seek to convince the world that that which is vile, crass, crude, unholy, unrighteous, hurtful, immoral, amoral are the true definition of humor. Remember the premise, the truth is not in them.
I apologize for the post on a serious note, however I did talk my wife and school teacher daughter into the test. They each got two of four and then forcefully sent me back to the man cave to watch one of the few football games of the season.
Great post, this generation could use a major dose of Andy Griffith and Hee Haw!
# 3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.
The question was "what is a green house made from"? The correct answer could be green bricks in the context of the question.
If the questions had been "what are greenhouses" made of or "what is a greenhouse" made of the answer could be "glass".
There is a difference between a greenhouse and a green house.
# 3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass.
The question was "what is a green house made from"? The correct answer could be green bricks in the context the question was offered.
If the questions had been "what are greenhouses" made of or "what is a greenhouse made of" the answer could be "glass".
Little cows drink milk. That’s what its there for.
Little cows drink milk. That’s what its there for.
On the green house my answer was you don’t know. It could be made from wood.
We raise black Angus beef cattle.
It's calving season right now and we have 8 little ones on the ground with 7 left to drop yet.
It's amazing to watch Mother Nature at work when it's time to feed on mama's teet.
Every one of those identical looking black calves easily finds their mother's nipple from a herd of all black mamas.
Seems almost impossible to a novice observer.
Little cows do drink milk.
Cows drink milk from their moms when they are baby cows.
Your story reminds me of when I visited camel herders in Mongolia just over a year ago. When it came time to milk the camels, the herders tethered the baby camels to ropes laid across the ground. The mother camels lined up and waited. When it was her turn for milking, the camel at the front of the line would go to her baby and nurse it. After a few minutes, the herders would step in, stop the baby from nursing, and milk the camel.
Camel milk tea was not bad, and neither was camel stew.
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