Posted on 11/27/2017 4:38:10 AM PST by proud American in Canada
Hi,
I am a longtime FReeper and just needed to talk to someone. I will not post and run, but I must say, I am just getting into bed. I had to go to the hospital because I slipped on our hardwood stairs, and my head hit the wall.
I had a headache that would not quit, no matter how much ice I put on it. I even took a half of a tramadol that I got a couple of years after I fell on the ice in our rural Canadian driveway; nothing helped.
The hospital told me that the wait would be about three hours, so I told my husband to go home and get some sleep; by this time, it was the early morning. "I'll get a taxi," I told him.
Anyway, I called a cab and the guy asked me to sit in the front. He stopped on a sidestreet and started to kiss me, tongue and all. I had no idea where I was. He unzipped his pants and made me touch, well, you know. Then (I was wearing a dress) he put his hand into my underwear and inserted his filthy fingers into me.
I made him drop me off about a half of a kilometer from where I live; don't want him to know where my 18 year-old daughter or I live.
Anyway, I called the police; spend a lot of time writing out a statement and even had to give my clothes to them (my favorite dress! LOL!)
I walked through the snow in a pair of sandals, once I saw his taillights disappear. I walked into the house sobbing; my husband asked what was wrong. I wasn't sure if I should call the police, but my husband said, wouldn't you want to call if it were our daughter?
Anyway, I feel like I want to vomit. The police told me to go to the hospital to get checked out. I could not even hug my husband, I felt so dirty. At least I brushed my teeth and had a buttload :) of mouthwash.
I just wonder if he could have given me a disease with his taxi hands.
So either my husband or a good friend of mine will bring me to the hospital to get checked out; for what, I don't know. I just feel violated and dirty. He kept looking for parking spots on side streets and I was very scared.
Has anything like this happened to any of you? Thank G*d I wasn't raped, but I was afraid of that.
You have a great start at doing what most of us would recommend to deal with this terrible assault. Between the police, an attorney and family, some of this will take on action of its own. You need to also see a Doctor who can evaluate you medically for the longer term as you will have a variety of impacts from these events.
Like all events of this type, you should anticipate that a wide variety of emotions, fears, feelings, angers and the like will follow on to such a impactful event. Get medical and spiritual help in dealing with them.
Remember, whatever momentary feelings come and go, you’re beloved by God, your family loves you, your friends care for you and we all want to support you.
Sensitive reply.
I agree. It’s a terrible thing to have happened to her but she did nothing to prevent/lessen the degree of the assault. My question is, why did she have to take a cab home if there is a husband and adult child living at home?
First of all I want to tell you that you did nothing wrong and it is not your fault. You were assaulted. I am glad you called the police and reported this. This man needs to be arrested and charged. You are most likely not his first victim but hopefully you will be the last.
Pull your husband close to you, he is one of your greatest allies. Cry for as long as you need to. I am glad you posted here, that is one of the first ways to begin to heal. It is far better to talk/write about it and hear from others than to keep it to yourself.
I am sure your husband feels awful about this is well. Perhaps he can be your liaison with the police. I would want to follow up with them and make sure they find the guy and arrest him. You know the old saying, the squeaky wheel gets the grease.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. The headache and the tramadol made you more vulnerable than usual, and this is NOT your fault, or anyone other than the assailant’s fault.
Your husband may be feeling that he should have stayed with you - he may need reassurance later that no one could have foreseen this happening. He may need to have a role - a job to do in this - let him.
Spiritually, a good way to pray is to pray against any spiritual connection this man made with you by assaulting you.
When he is arrested you will feel better.
30 replies and no one but me has mentioned the husband.
Take inventory.
See posts 20 and 30.
True.
Also, taxi company will provide all the driver identification they can to try to mitigate their damages.
Another Freeper has suggested that you take self protection courses. Even without such training, that scumbag was most vulnerable when he had his hands on you. My first suggestion would have been to stick two of your fingers DIRECTLY (with force) into his eyes, you would then have ample opportunity to escape. 100% effective self defense.
I hate to see any woman victimized. Self-defense is an excellent preventative on so many levels, including instilling a feeling of control in tough situations. Self-defense classes are not about weight or strength, but about quick thinking and basic tactics. Every woman should take them to protect herself and not feel vulnerable.
I’m sorry to hear about your experience. It’s not your fault and it was practically rape really.
Lean on your husband when you need help. You think too much about the needs of others above yourself judging from your story. You have to have balance between caring for yourself and caring for others.
You did the right thing calling the police. This wasn’t this guy’s first assault, I’m sure.
I am so sorry! That is terrible - it’s why I think it can be scary for a woman to take a cab alone - don’t know who the driver is. I can only imagine how you feel - I know I would feel the same way. You shouldn’t feel dirty, though, as you are a good person who did nothing wrong. No woman should ever have to go through that.
If he works for a cab company, they should be able to track down the cab number that picked you up and the driver, right?
IIUC, New Jersey has just OK'd private ownership and carrying of tasers/stun guns. Carry one and use it appropriately!
If you have not gone to the hospital and reported this full on sexual assault you HAVE TO. This guy hurts other women if you do not.
I am beyond sorry this happened to you. Best to ask for a mental health victims therapist at both the hospital and Police, they can connect you to one provided by the state I am sure. The good thing about a psychologist who deals with victims every day, is that each little thing you go through in the next hours, days, and weeks, other victims have gone through, and the therapist will help you feel not so alone. She will help your your husband, know how to deal with you as well. How to help you, what not to say or do.
Each day will get better. You won’t live your life as a victim. But right now you MUST NOT try to soldier through. You come out cleaner and healthier on the other side if you experience the pain and violation and express it as it appears. I promise, it really works. Feel the bad feelings and soon, different for everyone, they will be gone.
Hugs. Let everyone take care of you. Don’t be alone at all for any length of time please.
She knows this now. She was vulnerable, possibly a head injury, 4 am? What you are saying should be said to the rest of us idiots who sometimes sit in the front of an Uber, which I am right now not doing any more. Though I do it when kids are in the back. She is probably blaming herself for the whole thing. Let’s not right now.
I did; that is why I was awake until 7 a.m., filling out statement forms and gathering the clothes I was wearing.
1. As many people have said, this was not in any way your fault.
2. As many have also said, this was almost certainly not the first time this predator harmed a passenger. You are very likely saving other women from being attacked by going to the police. Thank you! That makes you a hero too, not just a victim, since previous targets of this evil man did not do enough and you will.
3. Having been a crime victim a couple of times, I have each time been asked by the police whether I wished to press charges (I don’t know if Canada is different). The correct answer is always “yes”. Again, we are protecting the next person in line by going forward with this.
4. I hope you will recover and be well. This should not change who you are or how any decent person will see you. If it were my wife, I would want to protect her and help her through this as my top priority - even more important than the desire for a permanent solution to the danger posed by the predator who harmed you.
Thank you, Rooster! I appreciate that!! :)
Believe me, if it were legal here, I'd have "the Great Equalizer" on me at all times. :)
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