“...thought of a wedding industry is absurd...”
We would know - we have 4 daughters - two married and one probably soon to be engaged.
Ironically my husband was more willing to overspend our budget to keep up appearances because his Ct. (liberal) family expected it. My mother in law is more keep-up-with-the-Jones’s than I am. I begged him to keep it simple - in the scope of things neither wedding was overly lavish as we are not rich, but we ended up spending more than we should have.
Peer pressure including from family is real and hard to resist. Both our daughters are securely married - the older one has a daughter and they are expecting twins and the next couple in line is expecting a girl in September. Neither daughter were bridezillas and neither are very materialistic per se.
The third will be engaged soon and wants a very simple wedding.
Say no to the dress! Just kidding the dress itself can be very nice but the ceremony and the solemn exchange of the vows (we are catholic so in our case the nuptial mass) is the most important part of the day and this should always be in the forefront. The rest is superfluous.
clarify - the older one has a daughter implies that she had it before their marriage - our 3 year old granddaughter was born a year after their marriage and they are now expecting identical twins.
I clarify because the norm now is to get married after you are pregnant or already have a child! Crazy!
Peer pressure including from family is real and hard to resist.
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True that. Wedding ceremonies are big events, but there are other big things in life that require a lot of money too. No sense in lavishly spending on a transient event, in my opinion. Much of that money could be saved for other important things down the road (e.g., homes, higher education, unexpected expenses, etc).
We have two sons so our financial commitments are not quite as large as yours. :)
I’d have been happy without the gown. It was hubby who insisted.
We have 3 daughters. The first married in the church, using their facilities, much of the catering done by us, and it was nice and reasonable...
Along comes the #2 Disney Princess....
She is marrying later this spring, and they are going in debt to do it, even with my stated contribution towards the event.
The kicker was when during one of the pre-check meetings (taste-testing events) that I was handed my total bill for the wedding, and it was 40% higher than what my stated contribution was to be. I felt very used and had no opportunity to complain as there was a large attendance with all the various inlaws, and didn't want to make a scene. The Mrs. and I had a nice long discussion on the drive back about how this was the last straw, and from this point on they either pay out of pocket or elope (embarrassment or not)...
Already working on #3 to keep it small, and even elope, with me contributing significantly to their start in life...
So much for showing up to give the bride away and doing the father/daughter dance...