Posted on 10/17/2015 3:39:01 PM PDT by blueunicorn6
We have had an absolutely gorgeous September and October. The best ones I can recall. We used to call these nice months an Indian Summer. You aren't supposed to call them that any more. The politically correct term now is Indian Fall. I call it White Man Keep His Tan Time.
This is also the time of year when the Circle Of Life gets a slice of Pi cut out. The Mom Mountain Lions often tell their offspring to move out of the basement and find a job. Of course, being young, they usually wind up in my back yard looking for a handout, which in this case, means one of my dogs. Not that I'm for starving lions, but I think they should do like the other young animals and order a pizza.
My dogs whole-heartedly agree with me.
I was in the living room reading a book about how the saxophone was invented (Hint: It has to do with herding chickens) when all three of my dogs skidded into the room trying to hide behind my chair. They looked like that Jerry Lee Lewis song because "There was a whole lotta shakin' going on".
I'd seen this kind of behavior from them before. It was when I put the remote controlled car under the bear rug and chased them around. My wife gave the car to the neighbor kids after that escapade. I've been trying to figure out how to get an eagle model strapped to one of those drones to see if the dogs can recognize an air threat. My wife figured out that was a threat and gave that to the neighbor kids, too. It's like I'm their rich uncle or something. The least they could do is send me a thank-you note. But no, they just strafe me when I'm mowing the lawn.
But I digress.
I knew something was on the back deck. I got up and went to see what had scared the dogs. It was a mountain lion. I think it was a young one because his pants were hanging low.
I know that many people here at FR would have got a gun. Well, I'm getting soft in my old age. If I shot everything that bothered me, there wouldn't be any neighbor kids for my wife to give my toys to. I figured I'd just scare him off.
Let's see. What are cats afraid of? Obviously not my three chicken dogs. I remembered reading about how people in India use masks to keep tigers from attacking. We still have my son's old Halloween costumes in the closet. So I went and got a mask.
It was Pikachu. That yellow rabbity-looking Pokemon character. I put on the mask. The dogs lined up by the back door to get a better view or maybe they thought we were going trick-or-treating. I jumped out the door and yelled, "Pika! Pika!"
Well, Pikachus must be on the menu for mountain lions cause he came at me like a mountain lion guided missile. I tried to get back in the house, but the little dog had locked me out again. One of these days I'm going to learn to carry my keys and then we'll see who's laughing.
I don't know what the current defense against an attack by a mountain lion is, but I went with the old reliable "Scream Like A Little Girl And Run". I was high-tailing it to the neighbors house looking like that sprinter from Jamaica if he was old and white and slow.
Fortunately, the neighbor kids were outside playing with my, I mean their, remote controlled toys. I yelled "Get the mountain lion!" They must have misheard me because they dropped their controllers and ran into their house. I figured they were probably almost as smart as my dogs and had locked their door.
I reached the controller for the car and grabbed it. Now it was mountain lion versus man with remote controlled car.
It was one of the most pathetic fights ever in the history of humans versus wildlife. I tried to ram the cat with the car and he just swatted it and gave me a "Is this the best you got?" look. I screamed again. I don't know what I thought that would do. Maybe make the cat cover his ears.
This allowed enough time for my wife to show up on the back deck with her rifle. Now, she can have you stand sideways and shoot the buttons off your shirt at a hundred yards and all you'd feel is your belly getting exposed to the weather. She's getting soft though, too. She fired into the air. That really ticked me off. Here is her man screaming and she can't shoot a cat.
It worked. The cat skedaddled. My three brave dogs walked out on the back deck once they realized they had Mom for fire support. Oh, they were plenty brave then. They were barking at the mountain lion like they were really fearsome. I hissed at them and the cowards ran back inside trying to get behind my chair.
I thanked my wife for saving me. She called me her "Big, brave Pikachu".
I kept the controller and the remote controlled car from the neighbor kids.
My three brave hounds are going to get another surprise visit from the old bearskin rug tonight.
Eff Political correctness
I haven’t heard the term “Indian summer” in years. I figured it went away due to political correctness.
If anyone asks, tell them I gave you permission to call it an Indian summer. They can come talk to me if they don’t like it. ;)
Fun read!
Loved it.
ROFL! :-)
RofLoL.
Great story. :)
I think Indian summer is a day over 75 AFTER the first frost. There are about two weeks in October when it can happen. It’s going to be in the 20’s tomorrow night.
Was the driver a Elvis impersonator?
W-W-w-w-w-?
Evening, Joe. :)
I went to your about page; Joke #2 BLEW me outta my chair.
Still laughing like like a jackass.
I liked your story.
It seemed almost real.
Lol! Thank you!
Very good and humorous! Gave me a good chuckle this early Sunday a.m.!
Makes one wonder why we still have things like Italian Bread, Greek Yogurt, Thai Cuisine, etc., - soon one will have to either blind and deafen the Left Wing Nuts to keep them from being offended, or cripple and mute themselves to keep from offending the Left Wing Nuts.
Thanks.
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