Sweet!
Top 10 woo hoo!
Happy Friday. Hard not to have 9/11/01 on the mind
TOP TEN?
IN!!!
Top 12!!!
TOP TWENTY!!!!!
Top Twenty.
Thank you for these threads.
Don’t have any silliness to report...
except for the usual... Mr Fred... my fat beagle who sleeps on his back with his tongue hanging out.
He has dreams of being chased by a giant squirrel and he will start running and barking. His barking will make him fart which startles him awake. He wakes panicked believing he is still in his dream but he is so fat that he can’t roll over and he’s like a turtle frantically trying to roll over.
When he finally rolls over and has his eyes wide open, he realizes he is safe. He makes a sour face because something stinks and yawns and goes back to sleep.
Mr Fred is quite entertaining.
(Houston this am)
Husband went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing.
Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home...
Sergeant: What is her height?
Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sergeant: Weight?
Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sergeant: Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sergeant: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.
Sergeant: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don’t know exactly.
Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?
Husband: A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine, special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and “Bubba” floor mats. Trailer package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 23-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting.
At this point the husband started choking up.
Sergeant: Don’t worry buddy. We’ll find your truck.
Hillary was all depressed over her email trouble. So Bill thought he should try and cheer her up. He said" Now Hillary. just remember Nelson Mandella didn't get elected president until after he got out of prison"
These books hold the record for the shortest stories, and you must have a good memory and be well informed to appreciate the humor.
________________________________________________________
World's Shortest Books
MY NON-BLONDE GIRLFRIENDS
By Tiger Woods
________________________________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
By Jane Fonda, Cindy Sheehan & Michelle Obama
Illustrated by Michael Moore
Foreword by George Soros
________________________________________________________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS
& HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
By "The Rev Jesse Jackson" & "The Rev Al Sharpton"
________________________________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
By Hillary Clinton
________________________________________________________
Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
________________________________________________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
By Bill Gates
________________________________________________________
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
By Dennis Rodman
________________________________________________________
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
By Al Gore & John Kerry
________________________________________________________
GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
By Amelia Earhart
________________________________________________________
HOW TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST
By Dr. Jack Kevorkian
________________________________________________________
TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE
By Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell
________________________________________________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
By Mike Tyson
________________________________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
________________________________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
By O. J. Simpson & Casey Anthony
________________________________________________________
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
By Ted Kennedy
________________________________________________________
MY BOOK ON MORALS
By Bill Clinton
With introduction by The Rev. Jesse Jackson
And foreword by Tiger Woods with John Edwards
________________________________________________________
HOW TO WIN A SUPER BOWL
By The Minnesota Vikings
________________________________________________________
AND, JUST ADDED:
My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy
By Nancy Pelosi
________________________________________________________
HOW TO SET UP INSTALLMENT PAYMENTS WITH THE IRS
by Al Sharpton – Foreword by Timothy Geithner
________________________________________________________
ONLY MY BARBER KNOWS FOR SURE
by Donald Trump
________________________________________________________
TO ALL THE GIRLS I’VE LOVED BEFORE
by Caitlin Jenner
________________________________________________________
JOBS I’VE HELD
by Kim Kardashian
________________________________________________________
WORDS OF OVER TWO SYLLABLES
by Kanye West
________________________________________________________
A COMPLETE LIST OF ALL OUR VIEWERS
by MSNBC
________________________________________________________
GIRLS WHO SAID YES
by Bill Cosby, with a Foreword by Bill Clinton
________________________________________________________
And the shortest book of them all.......................
THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
By Barack Obama
