Posted on 07/18/2015 1:32:35 PM PDT by blueunicorn6
We have an apple tree in our back yard. It was here when we bought the house. I like trees as much as the next person, but, having been around this apple tree for several years, I can tell you that I would never plant one in my yard. They produce apples and apples have been the enemy of man since the serpent tempted eve with an apple.
Apples wouldn't be so bad if they just stayed in the trees. Unfortunately, they drop like the stocks my Uncle Gene tells me to buy. Apples are also a favorite food of those pesky tree vermin, neighbor kids. No, actually squirrels. The neighbor kids are afraid of heights.
I take a live-and-let-live attitude with most of the wildlife. Except for that mountain lion. The dogs locked me outside with him once. I tried to sing to him to lull him to sleep but he must have been taking No-Doze or he was a Michael Buble fan because he really tore me up. But I digress.
While I may be a friend to vagrants and squirrels, my dogs tolerate neither. I have four dogs. I have the princess, the two brothers and the sneaky little one. You would think that dogs would value speed or strength or honor above all else. If you thought that, you watched too many episodes of Lassie. Dogs like sneakiness. And the little one is the biggest sneak I know. But I digress.
My dogs dislike squirrels. They are on constant watch for them. They have a special bark to alert each other when they see a squirrel. The little one uses that bark at chow time to get the other dogs to run to the door so he can eat their food. It's like I said, he's sneaky.
This summer, there has been a seriously large squirrel visiting our apple tree. He's like Arnold Schwarzensquirrel or something. Big. And he's not too afraid of the dogs. He sits in the apple tree and bombs the dogs with half-eaten apples.
At first, I thought it was really funny. The two brothers would be under the tree barking their fool heads off and "clunk", one of them would catch an apple on the noggin. And the squirrel would laugh.
Well, the older brother is getting to be quite senior and the last apple clunking him on the head put him down for an 8-count. I know. The little dog was counting.
I have a vested interest in my dogs besides which it's hard to explain to the verinarian that your dog got bombed with an apple by a squirrel, so I decided to help my hounds.
Dogs can never figure out how to use a lever-action, so arming them wasn't the answer. Maybe something more defensive. A helmet! Of course! That would protect them.
Do you know they make doggie football helmets? Neither did I. My Dad was a real Vikings fan, so I bought four purple doggie football helmets. I lined them up in the backyard and put their helmets on them.
The girl whimpered. The younger brother fell over and pretended to be dead. The sneaky little one tried to get his chinstrap off, but he doesn't have thumbs, so he was stuck. The older brother tried to run away and ran head first into a fence pole. Good thing he had his helmet on.
Old Squirrelzilla was up in the tree and I told the dogs to show him who was boss or bosses I guess. They got under the tree and they would have made Bud Grant proud. My Purple-People-Eaters, or in this case, my Purple-Squirrel-Chasers were right at it.
Old Squirrely pulled out his top secret Norden bombsight and it was "Apples Away!"
The apples just bounced off the dogs heads.
In all warfare, there is point and counterpoint as a new weapon is introduced and the enemy comes up with a counter measure. The squirrel was desperately seeking a way to overcome the helmets. Sometimes it's not a new weapon, but a new tactic.
The squirrel leapt from the apple tree onto the back of the youngest brother. This was as shocking as the introduction of tanks in WWI. The youngest brother took off with the squirrel on his back looking like American Pharoah coming round the bend.
The other three dogs froze in terror wondering if the squirrels had formed an airborne unit.
The squirrel finally jumped off the dog's back. I think he gave the dog the Churchill victory sign, but it might have just been the finger.
I lined the dogs up and you've never seen a more dispirited crew. I took off their helmets and gave them a treat and told them that while they hadn't shown much bravery, that perhaps discretion is the better part of valor.....with squirrels anyway.
Later on, I saw the sneaky little dog and the squirrel yukking it up together. Filthy little traitor. I started throwing apples at him. He put on his helmet. So did the squirrel.
No more weed until tomorrow.
“No more weed until tomorrow.”
ROFL
LOL
Purple haze. Like the helmutts.
This post needs pics! :D
My cats gave up chasing squirrels years ago. They just sit there and look at them like “Uh-uh, I’m not falling for that again”.
Proof that cats are smarter than dogs.
My archenemy, archfoe, arch-villain, nemesis .....squirrel !.....:o)
***”The youngest brother took off with the squirrel on his back looking like American Pharoah coming round the bend”***
That sentence had me laughing out loud that my husband actually asked what I was reading! Great story! Thanks for sharing!
My mom hates the squirrels too. They clean out her bird feeders. The grandkids bought her a supersoaker and she fires on them from the family room window.
:D
We have a similar problem...guess I’ll have to research helmets for the chickens... :-)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SB8S0_KjVmA
Great story! Needs a Doggie List Ping
Great post!That profile is a dozy, too.
My grandson and I have blowguns. We are in a race to see who bags more. Right now he is one ahead of me. We have way too many tree rats around here.
Tell your mom that there is a kind of seed that squirrels don’t like. It is safflower seed and I actually watched a squirrel take a seed and spit it out. The squirrels have never gone back to that feeder again.
I have a feeder with regular black oil seed hanging from a pole. I spray the pole with Pam cooking oil spray and watch the squirrels climb up and slide back down. ; )
bttt
Thanks! I’ll let her know!
>>>I spray the pole with Pam cooking oil spray and watch the squirrels climb up and slide back down. ; )<<<
Isn’t that against the Geneva Convention or something?
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