Purgatory.
Posted on 08/11/2014 3:25:19 PM PDT by Morgana
My previous columns drew attention to some of the ways pornography affects the actresses within it. Today I’d like to draw awareness to another fact that we don’t seem to comprehend:
Pornography
IS
an
AFFAIR.
Any time we bond sexually with another person besides the one to whom we’ve committed ourselves, an affair occurs. It doesn’t matter if that bond is in person or via a computer screen, a dating or married person who uses pornography is literally cheating or committing adultery.
Rather than go on about this at great length, I’d like to share two emails that I received. Lots of people email me. Sometimes I have something to offer in response. Many times I don’t. I’m not a counselor, and am in no position to give advice for many cases.
While it’s easy for me to identify with men who struggle with an attraction to porn – as I was one of them – and those who are involved in creating or acting in porn – since I produced it for so long – it’s particularly hard for me to answer emails from women who are in pain due to a husband’s porn addiction. I don’t know what to say most of the time, and I also feel so much guilt for contributing to that cycle.
When these emails come in, I’ll sometimes ask Wendy for feedback. Wendy is my amazing ex-wife, the mother of my son, whose heart I ripped to shreds with my lies, cheating, deceptions and involvement in porn production. After all I’ve done to her, especially because of all I’ve done to her, I’m honored to call her my friend – a very good friend.
When a woman recently emailed me asking for help…well, I’ll just let you read the email, followed by Wendy’s response. The first time I read Wendy’s letter in church it helped save a marriage, when a man in the audience recognized the truth of her response, drove half way across LA, apologized to his wife, and then drove back across town to come clean with his pastors about his porn addiction. I hope you find it useful, too. But first, the plea for help from a wife whose husband’s porn addiction is impacting her life:
Hello Donny,
I first want to say that I just found your blog yesterday and I sat and wept at my kitchen table as I began to read the entries, one at a time from start to finish. You have chosen such an amazing journey and I have NO doubt that God will continue to bless you and your family as he has already started to do.
I’m not really sure where to begin so I guess I will just start here…I found out a little over a year ago that my husband is addicted to pornography. It is so overwhelming for me as I am just starting to learn how deep and dark these wounds are for a man, his wife, and their marriage. I struggle every day with the fear of what’s next.
I know my God protects me. I know who I am in his eyes. But as confident as I am in that…my husband’s addiction is stripping away all that I am. I feel that I am alone in this fight because I have not really found anyone who understands or can guide and support me in the decisions and choices I need to make in order to cope with this reality.
I want to be the wife that I feel in my heart that God has called me to be…I just have no idea how right now. I have been touched by your entries about your ex-wife Wendy and all that the two of you have been through. She seems like a woman who has been through it and come out in a stronger place because of it.
My question is this…does she have a blog or email that she makes public? Does she, in any way, support wives who are dealing with this issue? I am really just looking for any kind of support from women that I can get. I want to know there are strong women praying for my husband and I. I want to know there is someone I can turn to when the heartache and sadness seem like the only things that are certain in my life. Advertisement
If she has nothing like this, do you have any suggestions for a wife who needs support? It seems like the wives are a lost casualty in this war…there isn’t much out there for us that I have found so far. We are from the (location removed) area so maybe you know of some things that I don’t.
I appreciate all the help you can give.
Keep up the fight…you are truly a blessed and courageous man of God. Thanks for your honesty.
At the time of this email, it had been years since Wendy and I divorced, but I think you can see the emotions still present when you read her response, which I’m about to share with you.
Pornography
IS
an
AFFAIR.
*****MORALABSOLUTES PING****
So if my bf has a hangup with the Mona Lisa ......
I have seen hard core pornography.
I find it to be very unrealistic.
It sounds like many get drawn into it, and it replaces their interactions with an actual human partner. If that happens people should get help. As a man, nothing can replace having an actual woman partner for me.
What if it’s anime? (ducking)
So, that must include women and their “Bursting bodices and throbbing members” women’s novels, right? Right?
As a man, I agree. What about men who don't have a partner?
My wife made me buy it...some forty-odd years ago.
Perhaps it is assumed men are the primary viewers of smut but I knew someone who owned an independent video store (all types of movies) years ago and he told me it was about 60-40..
This is from 2012 and the study perhaps isn’t the best example but:
Who said porn was just a man’s thing? A study released on Friday challenges the myth, showing that four fifths of French women have watched a porn movie before — one in two of them without their partners.
Fully 82 percent of women questioned said they had watched an X-rated film at least once before, compared to 99 percent of men, according to the study of 579 women carried out by the IFOP polling institute in September.
As for men without partners that is a good question. Hopefully they will meet a nice woman eventually?
It’s a tough question you posed, because we all have those desires whether we have a partner or not.
Not me. I wouldn’t do that. My late husband was addicted to porn. and alcohol. My life used to be hell on earth. I choose a peaceful existence now, I’ll never go back to drama and angst.
I’m sorry to hear this. Hope things are better for you.
I’m sorry to hear this. Hope things are better for you.
Purgatory.
” I wonder how many women pointing their fingers and saying, “I told you so!” have read all, or part, of 50 Shades of Gray. “
Not me either.
Here is the kind of stuff I read!
You will never look at porn the same after reading this book!!!
Apparently the Japanese are very tolerant of the stuff. On a flight to Asia I saw a Japanese man reading anime porn sitting next to his wife and kids. Just shook my head.
bkmk
Porn is an affair for women too!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.