Posted on 03/24/2014 3:20:46 PM PDT by Perdogg
What's great about this method is that the running water will wash away your bleeding.
Yes. A good leather motorcycle outfit includes a pair of good strong leather gloves. About 80 percent effective when attempting to bathe a cat. Better, safer way to pass the time however : go play marbles on the interstate expressway.
1) First …. dress for the occasion. A 4-ply rubber wet suit is suggested, along with a helmet, face mask and welders gloves.
2) A Bathtub with a glass enclosure is preferred to the one with a shower curtain. A frenzied cat can shred one of these in about 3.5 seconds.
3) Have the Kitty Bubbles and towel in the enclosed bathtub area beforehand. No… blow drying the cat after the bath is not suggested.
4) Draw the water, making it a little warmer than needed as you still need to find the cat. Position everything strategically in the shower, so you can reach it even if you are face down or prone in the tub.
5) Find your cat. Use the element of surprise. Pick the cat up, nonchalantly as if you were simply carrying him/her to the supper dish. No need to worry about the cat noticing your strange attire, the cat barely notices you anyway.
6) Once you and the cat are inside the bathroom speed is essential. In one single fluid motion shut the door to the bathroom, step into the shower, close the sliding doors, and drop the cat into the water. While the cat is still in a state of shock locate the Kitty Bubbles and squirt whatever part of him is above the water line. You have just begun the wildest 45 seconds of your life. Remember that cats have no handles and add the fact that he now has soapy fur. His state of shock has worn off and he’s madder than hell.
7) As best you can, wearing welder’s gloves, try to field his body as he catapults through the air toward the ceiling. If possible, give another squirt of Kitty Bubbles with his body now fully exposed.
8) During the 5 seconds you are able to hold onto him, rub vigorously. No need to worry about rinsing. As he slides down the glass enclosure into the tub, he will fall back into the water, rinsing himself in the process.
9) Only attempt the lather and rinse process about 3 times. The cat will realize the lack of traction on the glass by then and will use the next attempt on the first available part of you.
10) Next, the cat must be dried. No, this is NOT the easiest part. By this stage, you are worn out and the cat has just become semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. We suggest here that you drain the tub and in full view of your cat, reach for the bottle of Kitty Bubbles.
11) If you have done step 10 correctly, the cat will be off your leg and hanging precariously from your helmet. Although this view of the cat is most disgusting, he will be in a much better position for wrapping the towel around him.
12) Be sure cat is firmly wrapped in towel before opening tub enclosure. Open bathroom door. Put towel-wrapped cat on floor and step back quickly. Into tub, if possible, and do not open enclosure until all you can see is the shredded towel.
13) In about 2 hours, it will be safe to exit the bathroom. Your cat will be sitting out there somewhere looking like a small hedgehog while plotting revenge. But doesn’t he smell better?
I thought cats are doing a good work bathing themselves.
Sometimes a cat will mess himself or get into a place where he needs tobe bathed.
True, I washed mine about twice in a decade.
Awful!
Don’t have to worry about fleas in Colorado.
I wasted 90 seconds on that poofter...
He has a very attractive girlfriend.
For what reason would one want to bathe a cat?
Beard.
>>Sincerely, The Dog>>
LOL!
I was having Miss Hissy Slashy groomed at the vet’s, but they couldn’t
handle her without a general anesthetic, so I never took her back again.
It takes up to six months to recover from a general (for humans, too),
and I didn’t want her to be medicated that often (every two or three
months).
Misty is well-behaved at the groomer’s. Pretty sure she loves her lion cuts.
Miss Hissy Slashy has come a long way, but someone was very mean to her (I sure wish I knew who it was**) before we rescued her.
She hisses, slashes, and yowls when a stranger handles her at all, including vets and aides. Her tail is about 4” long, and she is HYPER
sensitive about it. It has taken me six years to be able to touch her tail without her making a fuss.
But still, there is no way on God’s Earth that I could ever give her a bath. Not happening, no how, no way.
I have to find another vet who can get her cleaned up. I do not think that Pet Smart is a good venue for her, either.
**So I could give them a piece of my mind.
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