Top 2?
Top Ten!!!!
Good morning everybody!
Woo Hoo!
Top Ten (maybe)
Top 15!
Top 20!!!
HAPPY SAINT PATRICK'S DAY!!!!
ERIN GO BRAGH!
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Church Ladies
Typewriters.
They’re Back!
Please pray for Mrs. -—— this week. She fell and hurt her hip and is now under her doctor’s car.
As a frequent business traveler, I seek out small, quiet local places to eat in the cities I visit rather than the impersonal and often over priced hotel dining rooms. On my first visit to Dublin, I asked some one on the street for a dinner suggestion and they pointed me to a near by public house known for it’s local color and sandwiches. Off went ! The place fit my specs and poured a great glass of Guinness.
While at the bar, I couldn’t help over hearing a discussion between two men that went something like this -
Man 1 : “I’m from Dublin. So are ya from Dublin too?”
Man 2: “Yes I am, fancy that, will ya!”
Man 1 : So what parish did ya grow up in?
Man 2 : St Mary’s.
Man 1: St Mary’s!!?? Bejesus. Me too!! Did ya have Sister Agnes in grade 4?
Man 2 : Sister Agnes?! God man. Figure that?! I haven’t tot of her name in years. I had her too.
Man 1 : I don’t suppose ya know Billy Hale? I played footie wit him.
Man 2 : Billy Hale’s me best friend! Jesus, Mary and Joseph! What a coincidence! ...................
As the two kept talking and found out how much in common they had with each other, their voices got louder and louder and more excited. So much so, I finally had to ask the bartender, “What’s up with those two?”.
“Them two?”, he said. “Oh, it’s just the Flannigan twins, drunk again!”
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin , a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.
The painting depicted 3 black men totally naked, sitting on a bench.
Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.
He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society.
‘In fact’, he pointed out, ‘some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society’.
After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said, ‘Would you like to know what the painting is really about?’
‘Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery, asked the couple?
‘Because I am the artist, who painted the picture,’ he replied. ‘In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They’re just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.
Out in Amarillo, Texas, a pretty woman went into a bar.
She ordered a drink, took a moment to survey her surroundings and saw a guy
with his feet propped up on a table. He was wearing the biggest cowboy boots
she’d ever seen.
The woman asked the cowpoke if the old adage about men with big feet being
well endowed were true.
The cowboy grinned and said: “It shore is, little lady. Why don’t you and I mosey
out to my bunkhouse and let me prove it to ya?”
Just that curious, she took him up on his offer.
Afterward, she rummaged through her wallet, then handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said: “Well, gee, little lady – ain’t nobody ever paid me fer mah services before. Ah’m right flattered!”
“Oh,” said the gal, “Don’t be flattered. Use that money to buy some boots that fit!”
Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn’t do something useful with my time.
Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing, I said.
Talking about my “doing something useful” seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.
She was “only thinking of me” she said, and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.
I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business.
I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a parachute club.
She replied, “Are you nuts? You are 73 years old, and now you’re going to start jumping out of airplanes?”
I told her that I even got a membership card and e-mailed a copy to her.
She immediately telephoned me, “Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club.”
“Oh man, I’m in trouble again; I really don’t know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week.”
The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.
Cosby....
“I wasn’t always black...
There was this freckle,
and it got bigger and bigger.”
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Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.
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Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
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You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who’ve never had any.
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Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They’re dying, of course, but they look terrific.
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When you become senile, you won’t know it.
