Posted on 03/14/2014 5:57:50 AM PDT by Lucky9teen
Pat M’Groyn.
Out in Amarillo, Texas, a pretty woman went into a bar.
She ordered a drink, took a moment to survey her surroundings and saw a guy
with his feet propped up on a table. He was wearing the biggest cowboy boots
she’d ever seen.
The woman asked the cowpoke if the old adage about men with big feet being
well endowed were true.
The cowboy grinned and said: “It shore is, little lady. Why don’t you and I mosey
out to my bunkhouse and let me prove it to ya?”
Just that curious, she took him up on his offer.
Afterward, she rummaged through her wallet, then handed him a $100 bill.
Blushing, he said: “Well, gee, little lady – ain’t nobody ever paid me fer mah services before. Ah’m right flattered!”
“Oh,” said the gal, “Don’t be flattered. Use that money to buy some boots that fit!”
As everyone that ever rescued a baby squirrel and thought it'd make a good pet knows. hehe
Option B or GTFO
I use option A, probably because my mom taught me option B and i like to be all rebellious and stuff.
Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again asking why I didn’t do something useful with my time.
Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing, I said.
Talking about my “doing something useful” seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.
She was “only thinking of me” she said, and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys.
I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business.
I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a parachute club.
She replied, “Are you nuts? You are 73 years old, and now you’re going to start jumping out of airplanes?”
I told her that I even got a membership card and e-mailed a copy to her.
She immediately telephoned me, “Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club.”
“Oh man, I’m in trouble again; I really don’t know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week.”
The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier but sometimes it can be fun.
Cosby....
“I wasn’t always black...
There was this freckle,
and it got bigger and bigger.”
>>>
Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice.
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Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
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You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who’ve never had any.
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Did you ever see the customers in health - food stores? They are pale, skinny people who look half - dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They’re dying, of course, but they look terrific.
>>>
When you become senile, you won’t know it.
“If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!”
“If you’re senile and you know it, then you’re not!”
St. Patrick’s Day is Monday, March 17.
I see that kitty as Allegra, Allegra’s late pet.
There aren’t rings on Saturn. There are rings AROUND Saturn, though.
Thanks. I needed that.
FMCDH(BITS)
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