Replies

MRS. GARRISON
Hello doctor, looks like I need an abortion.

DOCTOR
...an abortion?

MRS. GARRISON
Yeah, I’ve got one growing inside me.
Now, are you gonna scramble its brains
or just vacuum it out? ...If you want
you can just scramble it and I’ll queef
it out myself.

DOCTOR
Mmister Garrison-

MRS. GARRISON
Mrs. Garrison.

DOCTOR
Mmrs. Garrison, you can’t have an abortion.

MRS. GARRISON
Don’t you tell me what I can and can’t
do with my body! A woman has a right
to choose!

DOCTOR
No, I mean you’re physically unable
to have an abortion, because you can’t
get pregnant.

MRS. GARRISON
But I missed my period.

DOCTOR
You can’t have periods either. You
had a sex change, Mr. Garrison, but
you don’t have ovaries or a womb. You
don’t produce eggs.

MRS. GARRISON
You mean, I’ll never know what it feels
like to have a baby growing inside me
and then scramble its brains and vacuum
it out?

DOCTOR
N-that’s right.

MRS. GARRISON
But I paid five thousand dollars to
be a woman. This would mean I I’m not
really a woman. Ih, I’m just a... a
I’m just a guy with a mutilated penis!

DOCTOR
Basically, yes.

MRS. GARRISON
...Oh boy, do I feel like a jackass.