Posted on 03/07/2012 1:29:19 PM PST by Morgana
March 7, 2012 (LiveActionNews.org) - I worry about my health a lot. Not because Im unhealthy, but because Im a hypochondriac. I dont imagine symptoms, but when I do have symptoms, I became immediately and irrevocably convinced that they are cancer. Thanks, WebMD!
Most recently, back in October, I found a tiny red welt on my right breast. WebMD told me that I almost definitely had inflammatory breast cancera particularly aggressive strain. I called my boyfriend in the middle of the night and made him talk to me until the sun came up, so scared I was shaking all over. I thought of nothing but my imaginary cancer for three full days, until the red spot went away. My friend Destiny texted me regularly to ask how my cancer was doing. She and my mom and my boyfriend found my terror hilarious, but I dont think they realized its depth.
I was completely sure that I had inflammatory breast cancer. I was even starting to cope with my imminent diagnosis.
It is not my intention to make light of breast cancer. To the contrary. I have nothing but sympathy and respect for people who struggle with real cancer. I was in a state of abject misery over my imaginary cancer, so I cant even imagine what it must be like when its not imaginary.
In any case, this is a pattern with me. I have been sure I was having a stroke about a dozen times in my life, when it turns out I was just really tired. Ive had imaginary heart attacks, blood clots, pulmonary embolisms, and tumors.
Ive finally broken myself of this bad habit of faux health crises with the simple solution of no longer googling my symptoms, and staying away from WebMD.
But you can imagine my relief when I discovered that someone has recently come into the public eye who also suffers from the embarrassing condition of imaginary health problems.
Sandra Fluke, the suddenly famous (or infamous, depending on who you talk to) Georgetown law student who publicly lamented the lack of free contraceptives available to women on campus, also seems to have created a health care crisis out of nothing.
Just like the tiny red spot on my chest was not inflammatory breast cancer, Flukes lack of freebies is not a health care issue. It is nothing. She could get birth control pills or condoms for cheap or free at lots of different places: Planned Parenthood, other womens clinics, publicly funded health clinics, regular old doctors offices, etc.
She doesnt want free or cheap contraception from anywhere, though. She wants free or cheap contraception provided by a Catholic university. Its not about access. Its about forcing Catholics to do what she thinks they should do. Shes been in the news for days now talking about the tragedy of turning womens health into a political football, when she is doing exactly that.
For all their fuming that we want to intrude into their sex lives, they sure are inviting us in, arent they? U.S. out of my uterus! Oh, except, buy me stuff for my uterus!
Funny story. Stop me if youve heard it. Its last Thursday, and Congress is holding a hearing on the HHS contraception mandate in Obamacare. (You may have heard a whisper or two about this issue). They want an unknown Goergetown co-ed to testify, but they turn in her name too late to undergo the standard vetting period. So, Pelosi and the gang set up a press conference and stage it to look like a Congressional hearing.
Thats right, friends! Fluke was not testifying at a hearing. It was a press conference.
The whole thing is a big giant lie, just like my mosquito bite that wasnt breast cancer. Sandra Fluke and the women of Georgetown University have more birth control options than any woman in history, as The Daily Caller aptly puts it. There are dozens of ways in which they can get pills and condoms for little or nothing.
Then, there is the insane idea of not having sex at all, but who does that? Freaks and ugly people, thats who! (Oh, and me. Insert joke about Kristen being an ugly freak in comments below.)
Heres the bottom line: no one is waging war on womens health care. Birth control pills are not health care. They dont cure diseases. (In fact, some believe they cause them.) Many non-Catholic Christians (and some cafeteria Catholics, although far fewer than the media would have you believe) have no problem with oral contraception and IUDs whatsoever, despite my incessant hollering that they are awful.
Guess what, gals? Rick Santorum is not hiding in your garage waiting for you to go to sleep so he can take the little pink compact out of your purse and leave a tiny Bible in its place. That is the political rhetoric of a media that is asleep at the wheel, and if youre buying it, youre asleep in the passenger seat.
I think birth control pills and IUDs are horrible, but Im not a politician. I can say that, and I dont care what you think about it because I dont need your vote. Last time I checked, the GOP doesnt listen to me, so rest easy. Your pills are not going anywhere, ladies. You can still engage in all the recreational sex your little hearts desire.
What you cant do is expect me or anyone else to pay for it.
If you want us to keep our Rosaries off your Ovaries, get your hands outta off my paycheck!
As Rush said this morning: How do you pull out of the war on woman?
Ping!
Bookmark.
Wayland: Madame, do you smoke after sex?
Madame: I don’t know .... I never looked!
My internet modem went bellyup last night (got back on line about 3:30pm today after an overnight delivery of a new one). So while I was waiting, I decided to make up some kind of graphic referencing that old joke.
Got about 3-4 chances (in different articles) to post it this evening after getting back online.
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