[stormer]

Oh, no. What's the matter? Things a bit lonely down in your mother's basement? For the record:

What's your degree in?

Which one? I have several.

What are you paid to do?

I am a researcher affiliated with one of the largest universities in the United States. One that has produced either as faculty or alum, 28 Nobel Prize laureates. With the exception of three in Economics and one in Peace, all have been in Physics, Chemistry, or Medicine.

Was the hamster crack a little too close to home?

I don't know. Ask your nose - it's closer to the hamster crack than anything else. And by the way, what are your qualifications?

[The Comedian]

I am a researcher affiliated with one of the largest universities in the United States

Ah, that explains a lot, including why I make so much more money than you do.

Ever had a real job in the private sector, or have you hid in academia your entire life?

Or perhaps there isn't much call in the private sector for hamster researchers, eh?

Frowning takes 68 muscles.
Smiling takes 6.
Pulling this trigger takes 2.
I'm lazy.