Britons believe the hills are alive with haggis

reuters ^

[JoeProBono]

[The Free Engineer]

[Albion Wilde]

LOL!! The rest of my collection is unsuitable for a family forum.

[E. Pluribus Unum]

[Albion Wilde]

An English doctor is being shown around a Scottish hospital. At the end of the tour he is shown into a ward where the patients show no visible signs of injury.

He goes to examine the first man he sees, and the man proclaims, “Fair fa’ yer honest sonsie face, great chieftain o’ the puddin’ race!”

The Englishman, somewhat taken aback, goes to the next patient, who immediately launches into, “Some hae meat, and canna eat, and some wad eat that want it, but we hae meat and we can eat, and sae the Lord be thankit.”

The next patient sits up and declaims, “Wee sleekit cow’rin tim’rous beastie, O what a panic’s in thy breastie! Thou need na start awa sae hasty, wi’ bickering bl’attle. I wad be laith to run and chase thee, wi’ murdering prattle.”

“Well” says the Englishman to his Scottish colleague. “I see you saved the psychiatric ward for the last.”

“No, no,” the Scottish doctor corrects him. “This is the Serious Burns Unit.”

[kalee]

ping

[kalee]

ping

[yefragetuwrabrumuy]

Here is a cute, furry Haggis, in the wild. They are naturally friendly, and you can approach them in the wild, as long

as you offer them some finger food.

[Secret Agent Man]

No no no...

Haggis only becomes a scottish musical instrument about 30 minutes AFTER they eat it...

[Secret Agent Man]

That is just not right.

[ReneeLynn]

I can’t believe no one else pinged you ping.

[Albion Wilde]

Haggis only becomes a scottish musical instrument about 30 minutes AFTER they eat it...

ROFLOL!

[dayglored]

HUNT THE HAGGIS here...

Play The HAGGIS DROP GAME !!

[sionnsar]

Thanks to ReneeLynn for the ping!

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[calex59]

Most of us know what a “banger” is, at least I think so.

[Lady Jag]

I love haggis.

[Lady Jag]

Address to a Haggis

Fair is your honest happy face
Great chieftain of the pudding race
Above them all you take your place
Stomach, tripe or guts
Well are you worthy of a grace
As long as my arm

The groaning platter there you fill
Your buttocks like a distant hill
Your skewer would help to repair a mill
In time of need
While through your pores the juices emerge
Like amber beads

His knife having seen hard labour wipes
And cuts you up with great skill
Digging into your gushing insides bright
Like any ditch
And then oh what a glorious sight
Warm steaming, rich

Then spoon for spoon
They stretch and strive
Devil take the last man, on they drive
Until all their well swollen bellies
Are bent like drums
Then, the old gent most likely to rift (burp)
Be thanked, mumbles

Is there that over his French Ragout
Or olio that would sicken a pig
Or fricassee would make her vomit
With perfect disgust
Looks down with a sneering scornful opinion
On such a dinner

Poor devil, see him over his trash
As week as a withered rush (reed)
His spindle-shank a good whiplash
His clenched fist. the size of a nut.
Through a bloody flood and battle field to dash
Oh how unfit

But take note of the strong haggis fed Scot
The trembling earth resounds his tread
Clasped in his large fist a blade
He’ll make it whistle
And legs and arms and heads he will cut off
Like the tops of thistles

You powers who make mankind your care
And dish them out their meals
Old Scotland wants no watery food
That splashes in dishes
But if you wish her grateful prayer
Give her a haggis!

[DoorGunner]

Excellent! I (literally) laughed out loud.

[Tax-chick]

Oh, that was baaaaaaad.

[ansel12]

Didja know that there is such a thing as kosher haggis?

You should try the Thai version.