Penetrating Insights into the Obvious
Posted on 08/12/2008 2:23:34 PM PDT by Alex Murphy
ZANESVILLE, OHIO- Presidential candidate Barack Obama surprised a fair number of his fellow Democrats on Tuesday when he told a crowd of supporters that he is so fond of the Bush administration's faith-based initiatives that he plans to make them a centerpiece of his White House agenda. As a matter of fact, Obama is now promising an administration entirely based on faith. After all, with just two years of experience in the federal government (and most of that spent running for its top job) faith and hope are his primary qualifications.
Naturally, Obama's update required an adjustment to the name in keeping with the parlance of the campaign. To this end, the Obama campaign released a document on his website outlining a series of "Hope-Based Initiatives" intended to bring the country into a new era of peace and prosperity or at least believe that it has: hope-based national security, hope-based education reform, even a hope-based space program.
"Students of history will note that in more than two centuries America has yet to meet a problem that a rousing chant or a slow clap cannot solve," said Obama to his swollen throng of supporters. "Hope is and has always been our greatest national asset. We can use hope to fix our failing healthcare system, eliminate greenhouse gas emissions and shut down Iran's nuclear program. As your President, I will endeavor to end America's crippling dependence on foreign hope and ensure a fifteen percent annual rise in Wall Street's Hope Index. All of this we can accomplish together- as long as you believe."
In the past, Obama's critics have accused the youthful Illinois Senator of pitching lofty goals without the necessary specifics about how they might be achieved. So, to back this up, Obama has enlisted the aid of a panel of renown economists to put together a whitepaper detailing how he plans to solve the energy crisis- not with billions of dollars of research or increased CAFE standards but with nothing more than a fervent belief that anything is possible.
"As you can clearly see in the chart below, we have the curve for Hope and another for Prosperity, each ebbing and flowing in accordance with the basic laws of macroeconomics and subject to the push and pull of market forces. Where these two curves intersect, there is Love."
Policy wonks will also be impressed by Obama's willingness to address difficult issues like entitlement programs, long regarded as the third rail of politics. Under Obama's new proposal, the troubled federal safety net will be replaced with something he's taken to calling "Hope Security" in which young workers will pay into a broken, lopsided system and "hope" that the program is still solvent when they are ready to retire.
Even with many months to go before the general election, the choices are already quite clear: Senator John McCain, who stopped believing in hope when the Del Vikings broke up, and Obama with his twinkling eyes and big, puppy-soft ears, ready to use the nation's ready supply of hope, as well as the savvy gained during his many months on Capitol Hill, to solve the country's many problems.
"Will any of this crap actually work? Hell, I don't know," shrugged Obama. "I can only hope."
I HOPE he doesn’t try to take my guns.
I HOPE he doesn’t raise my taxes.
I HOPE he doesn’t weaken our military.
I HOPE he doesn’t allow our enemies to beat us mercilessly.
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