Those were the days, back when shows had theme songs

St. Petersburg Times ^ | 12-28-2007 | Eric Deggans

[Cagey]

Now, when you flip on your favorite TV program and it starts right into the plot, it almost feels like something is missing.

I write today about the passing of something special, fading away so subtly many of us have failed to take proper notice.

The death of the TV theme song.

Everybody's got a different story about that one composition that sticks in the head. My story reaches back to a childhood as an aspiring musician in hardscrabble Gary, Ind. - where negotiating the fluid, driving bass line of the theme to Barney Miller was an odd rite of passage in a community where your mettle was often tested more directly.

That's how it is with these songs; they worm into your heart and mind in the most unexpected ways.

There's the wonderful anticipation kicked off by the first notes of explanatory themes such as Gilligan's Island ("Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale ...") or The Brady Bunch ("... till the one day when the lady met this fellow ..."). You never grew tired of hearing the entire premise of the TV show you were about to watch, laid out in same catchy song every week.

There are the sleek jams, ranging from Barney Miller and Mission Impossible (did a trilling string tremolo ever sound cooler?) to the Theme From Ironside and even the junkman's comedy Sanford and Son.

Producer Quincy Jones was a master at this craft, cranking out themes for Ironside, Sanford and Police Woman that are so cool, listening to his box set sometimes feels like channel surfing through Nick at Nite.

Some themes even became hit records. Duane Eddy's signature guitar twang powered the theme for Peter Gunn to Grammy awards in the '50s and the '80s; the themes for Welcome Back Kotter, S.W.A.T. and Miami Vice all reached No. 1 on singles sales charts.

So why do so few current TV shows have memorable themes?

Fox's medical hit House starts with a few snatches of Massive Attack's instrumental tune Teardrop, barely enough music to cover the list of actors. CBS's blockbuster CSI franchise just stole popular hits from classic rockers the Who, including Who Are You? (C.S.I), Won't Get Fooled Again (C.S.I.: Miami) and Baba O'Reilly (C.S.I.: NY).

One version of the theme for NBC's Scrubs lasts less than 13 seconds. TNT's hit police drama The Closer hardly bothers with opening music at all, displaying the names of the cast over each episode's first scene, a lone guitar twanging in the background.

My hunch is that modern TV producers fear flip-happy viewers will take any excuse to surf away from a show and sample other channels. Eliminating the theme song is just another way to deal with the multitude of channels and remote control technology offered today's consumer, locking them into an unfolding show before they even realize it has begun.

I also blame Frasier - which may have started the anti-theme trend by taking its own cute tune (the jazzy shuffle Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs, sung by the star, Kelsey Grammer) and sticking it at the back of the show, to play over the closing credits after the episode was done.

And the three or four of us who still watch ER have noticed that the theme song, which once featured a fresh-faced George Clooney charging through the halls of County General Hospital with his co-stars, now all long gone, has been reduced to a single chord of music.

It's hard to describe the loss to pop culture when TV stops cranking out classic songs like the theme to All in the Family or The Jeffersons. But there's little doubt we've lost something special.

I wasn't singing Baba O'Reilly when I stepped inside the doorway to the first house I ever owned. I was shouting proudly about "movin' on up/to the East Side."

I finally had a piece of the pie. It's too bad the TV industry doesn't give us that flavor anymore.

Eric Deggans can be reached at deggans@sptimes.com or (727) 893-8521.

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Eric Deggans' top 10 TV theme song list

Let's admit upfront that my list of TV's top 10 theme songs is completely subjective, created mostly according to my nostalgia and musical preferences. Here's we go:

10. Sanford & Son - The swampy groove. The loopy melody. Toots Thielemans' amazing harmonica work. There are 10,000 reasons why Quincy Jones' theme helped make Redd Foxx the coolest junkman in TV history.

9. The Addams Family/The Munsters - Both tunes meld campy horror gloom with wacky comedy touches. And the Addams Family even tacked on classic lyrics: "They're creepy and they're kooky/Mysterious and spooky/They're all together ooky." Use of the word "ooky" = instant TV legend.

8. The Love Boat - Looking back, this lounge lizard classic ("Love . . . exciting and new") nails the faded '70s celebrity vibe of the series so well, you'd almost think it was intentional.

7. M*A*S*H (Suicide is Painless) - Transformed an elevator music classic into a resonant, powerful theme.

6. The Benny Hill Show (Yakety Sax) - No composition in the history of television so quickly communicates the idea: "wacky comedy ahead."

5. Gilligan's Island - Among all the explainer theme songs - Beverly Hillbillies, The Brady Bunch - this is most hallowed. And effective.

4. Miami Vice - What hipster didn't walk into a club during the '80s, pastel shirt and loafers securely in place, without this song playing in their head?

3. The Jeffersons - Only in the '70s would a sitcom about a successful black businessman come complete with a gospelized theme song ("Movin' on up!") straight from the pulpit.

2. The Sopranos - A3's throbbing, dance floor masterpiece Woke Up This Morning stands as the best modern-day TV theme song, for the best modern TV drama of all time.

1. All in the Family - Those Were the Days may be the best explainer theme song that wasn't, nailing the wistful anxiety of Edith and Archie Bunker so well, you loved hearing it week after week.

[netmilsmom]

Oh my goodness! My parent’s must have watched every episode. I know the theme and I was only four.

[Jersey Republican Biker Chick]

Greatest American Hero.

Believe it or not I'm walking on air I never thought i would feel so free

Flying away on a wing and a prayer

Who could it be....Believe it or not it's just me.

[polymuser]

.
Mickey Mouse! Donald Duck!

[Magic Fingers]

WKRP In Cincinnati

[Sybeck1]

Lee Majors singing “The Unknown Stuntman” for the “Fall Guy” has to be the best. It was number #1 in Germany too.

[ClearCase_guy]

Used to be a thing called High Culture -- sophisticated people attended the opera or the sympony.

Also, there was Low Culture -- some folks attended vaudeville, or watched Gilligan's Island or Sanford and Son.

High Culture and Low Culture had some interplay, where folk songs or peasant music could be used as the basis of a symphony, or notable orchestral themes would be used in a Bugs Bunny cartoon. The two cultures co-existed and developed some degree of synergy.

Now, all we have is Pop Culture which is so vapid they've even discarded TV theme songs because they think it might cause channel flipping. I can't believe how bland everything is now.

[normy]

As did the A-Team.

[SoothingDave]

In the not-too-distant future-
Next Sunday A.D.-
There was a guy named Joel,
Not too different from you or me.
He worked at Gizmonic Institute,
Just another face in a red jumpsuit.
He did a good job cleaning up the place,
But his bosses didn’t like him
So they shot him into space.

We’ll send him cheesy movies,
The worst we can find (la-la-la).
He’ll have to sit and watch them all,
And we’ll monitor his mind (la-la-la).
Now keep in mind Joel can’t control
Where the movies begin or end (la-la-la)
Because he used those special parts
To make his robot friends.

Robot Roll Call: (All right, let’s go!)
Cambot! (Pan left!)
Gypsy! (Hi, girl!)
Tom Servo! (What a cool guy!)
Croooow! (He’s a wisecracker.)

If you’re wondering how he eats and breathes
and other science facts (la la la),
Then repeat to yourself, “It’s just a show,
I should really just relax
For Mystery Science Theater 3000!”

[CH3CN]

I know all the words to Robot Chicken’s theme song. Spouse and I sing it together in 2 part harmony, then collapse on the floor laughing. Maybe one of the cats will learn the 3rd part so we call sing together.

[MotleyGirl70]

Magnum P.I. (music by Mike Post)

[Deaf Smith]

When you find yourself in danger,

When you’re threatened by a stranger,

When it looks like you will take a lickin’,

(puk, puk, puk, puk)

There is someone waiting,

Who will hurry up and rescue you,

just Call for Super Chicken!

(puk, ack!)

Fred, if you’re afraid you’ll have to overlook it,

Besides you knew the job was dangerous when you took it

(puk, ack!)

He will drink his super sauce

And throw the bad guys for a loss

And he will bring them in alive and kickin’

(puk, puk, puk, puk)

There is one thing you should learn

When there is no one else to turn to

Call for Super Chicken!

(puk, puk, puk, puk)

Call for Super Chicken!

[paudio]

I love Cheers’ where everybody knows your name... Among the current shows, I like Scrub’s I’m not superman...

[MotleyGirl70]

I forgot to post a picture of Magnum for the ladies :)

[weegee]

The Peter Gunn Theme was Mancini, not Duane Eddy. Duane did a cover decades later.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Gunn

“The show’s use of modern jazz music, at a time when most television shows used a generic, uninspired orchestra for the background, was another distinctive touch that set the standard for many years to come. Innovative jazz themes seemed to accompany every move Gunn made, ably rendered by Henry Mancini and his orchestra (which at that time included John Williams), lending the character even more of an air of suave sophistication. Most memorable of all was the show’s opening (and closing) theme, composed and performed by Mancini. A hip, bluesy, brassy number with an insistent piano-and-bass line, the song became an instant hit for Mancini, earning him an Emmy Award and two Grammys, and became as associated with crime fiction as Monty Norman’s theme to the James Bond films is associated with espionage. The harmonies fit the mood of the show, which was a key to success. “The Peter Gunn Theme” has been covered by numerous jazz, blues, and rock artists since, including Ray Anthony, Quincy Jones, The Remo Four, The Blues Brothers, Croon & The Creepers, Brian Setzer, The Cramps, Jimi Hendrix, Aerosmith, Emerson, Lake & Palmer, Roy Buchanan, Melvin Taylor, Umphrey’s McGee, Pulp, Dick Dale & The Del-Tones, and many, many others. A version by Art of Noise, with guest artist Duane Eddy on twang guitar (taking the piano riff) earned a Grammy Award in 1987.”

[Petronski]

The Geico commercial take off on Beverly Hillbillies is hilarious.

I was always a little suspicious of this whole "Texas tea" theory...

[weegee]

The synth in that Scrubs theme reminds me of the theramin in one of the old murder mystery shows of the 1970s.

[GraniteStateConservative]

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=1UH59CrRZLY

[Polonius]

I knew there was at least one great modern TV theme song ...

[weegee]

Fred for President.

[weegee]

And it was covered by at least one band (Man or Astroman).

In the old days, everyone covered tv themes. I’ve seen jazz covers of the Munsters’ theme, Sun Ra Arkestra did a whole Batman themed record, I’ve seen the background jazz lick from The Flintonstones on a themes record from the 1960s, and Mancini was the king of the tv theme.