Posted on 10/09/2006 6:33:45 PM PDT by Kaslin
Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton insists her husband go with her to Walmart, but he gets bored with all the shopping trips. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. Here's a letter sent to the Mrs.
Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.
Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in Walmart:
1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO ! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
And last, but not least ....
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
Regards, Walmart
Nice humor piece. Totally untrue, but nice humor piece.
Gawd....that is funny...thanks for the laugh and a few ideas..;)
This very text I saw on FR a few months ago. Maybe it had been surfacing even earlier.
Thanks for the guffaws--and the ideas--LOL!
Need a laugh?
Well, this is nonsense but funny none the less. Please come out Wal-Mart bashes that we might thrash you.
I had tears in my eyes when I read it
I laughed 'til I cried. Thanks for the post.
Why would anyone want to bash WalMart? After all, they gave the National Council de la Raza $640,000, joined the Gay Chamber of Commerce and stopped (in many stores) selling those nasty guns!!!
Try stringing bras together and decorating the store with them.
or
Making an announcement " Lady need a hand in bras".
or:
Getting the universal remote out of electronics, and increasing the volume on all the running tvs to full.
or:
Calling Wal Mart and asking for Paris Hilton to go to customer service.
i'm certain i've seen this before but it is funny just
the same. i know a 17 yr old who would definately
try a few of these out. :D
Just thought of another one:
Go to the sporting section and ask for extra-extra large jock straps.
LOL... good hearty laughs - thanks!
ROFLMAO!
Say it in your best Ahnold Voice.
(Stayed up too late last night following the Korean threads)
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