Posted on 05/26/2006 7:28:02 PM PDT by dangus
Long, Long ago, in a pickup truck far, far away, Molly Seidel and Emily Erwin were just two rather talented, Southern musicians. Then, like the Little Rascals' remake of "Faust," (or, "Damned Yankees,") Natalie Maines was plunked in their midst.
Ms. Maines is a short, stubby woman of no obvious talent or beauty. But her rock-and-roll attitude was just the twist that the Dixie Chicks needed to differentiate themselves from the kind of passable bluegrass music that is most useful for the background music of a Ken Burns documentary. Up through 2002, with the exception of "Landslide," the Dixie Chicks' style remained solidly bluegrass.
If ever there was a song that highlighted Natalie's shortcomings, it was the remake of Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide." Molly and Emily did a fine job performing "Landslide" as a bluegrass song, but the song's innate musicality belongs more to Berkeley than Birmingham.
Emily's pregnancy would've fit into a true Dixie video just fine; but Berkley women don't reproduce; they just worship Gaia, so there was no reconciling the imagery. The result was a four-minute long eau-de-Toilette commercial. Emily's very pregnant appearance made her look like something out of an Anne Gedes photoshoot, and made Natalie look like something out of "Bride of Chucky." And Natalie's singing made Stevie Nicks sound good, which is pretty bad since Stevie sounds a lot like Katherine Hepburn accepting her lifetime achievement Oscar.
Nonetheless, songs like "Long Time Gone" were radio-friendly enough to make a huge hit out of the album. Her anti-war comments came as the country audience was just about wearing thin, but brought in a whole new audience: the DailyKOS / Democratic Underground / Move On crowd, who didn't know what good bluegrass sounded like.
As much as they'd like to claim victimhood, the country crowd always knew the Dixie Chicks were liberals. And they didn't care until the Dixie Chicks slammed their commander-in-chief on foreign soil during a time of war. Rather than apologize, the Dixie Chicks proclaimed their freedom of speech and bitterly denounced how horrible it was that people exercise their freedom of speech to criticize the Dixie Chicks.
Quite unjustly, Natalie became the center of attention, but the Chicks caught on among an audience which is otherwise shocked and offended by the use of the word "chick," and whose only previous exposure to country music was K.D. Lang.
But what Hell Molly and Emily must be in now! Trying desperately to pump up album sales so as to get Natalie's "message" heard, the record company has thrown an incredibly lavish production behind Natalie: a gospel choir for backup, a full symphony orchestra for accompaniment, and a slew of songwriters and producers to give her something to sing. All of which leaves Molly and Emily about as useful as Stevie Nicks during a Lindsay Buckingham song. Even the video comes off looking like the pretty (Ok, passable) girls defending the ugly girl from schoolyard taunts.
If there was any question of the recording industry's leftism, would someone please explain the fortune invested into spreading Ms. Maines' new gospel? After all, that's left of the Chicks is Maines' weak voice, almost drowned out by over-production. Granted, there have been Pop acts that don't display any more talent, but then Brittney Spears doesn't look like Murphy Brown's 63-year-old face superimposed onto Uncle Fester's body. Yet.
Poor Molly and Emily. Other people are now telling them what to sing, what to wear, what (not) to play. But at least they have their artistic freedom.
DRATS! WHY do I never see the screw-ups on the edit page?
I do. Back before the ugly one joined the group they had another singer and I actually enjoyed watching and listening to them. Sad state of affairs.
Notice how, even on their promo photos, two of the Dixie Chicks look like they are sneering in disgust. I also posted this in case some people thought I was being mean with the Murphy Brown comment. 
The former look of the Dixie Chicks. Serious question: How does liberalism make people so damned ugly? (referring mostly to Natalie.) Heck, in a really wierd way, even Jeanine Garofolo used to be cute. (In fact, I just saw some reeeeeally old pictures of Candice Bergen...)
O my goodness! What was she doing? Posing for Weekly World News' drawings of Bat Boy?
Grrr! I called Martie Emily throughout, and I called Emily Mollie! That's it I'm firing my editor! What? I don't HAVE an editor? No wonder my editing stinks. OK... I'm offering 50% of all grosses for an editor. (There IS an obvious catch.)
Boy, they're getting ugly!
Great, I'm hired!
(I like your writing style.)
huh-hoh! THAT'S COOL!
No worries, your piece was great! I have to admit that I've never heard anything by the Dicksie Chicks, and didn't even know what they looked like. You've insulted Murphy Brown *wink*
Since y'all appreciated Boone's take, I thought you might appreciate a FReeper's. Mine... (I'm somewhat crueler.)
OK, I'm trawling for hits. :^D But I think you'll be glad you came. Be sure to invite friends/pings if you like it.
Was this really a magazine cover parody? LOL.
I don't know what you're talking about. I don't prescribe to the theory that in order to disagree with someone you have to minimize their talent. Natalie Maines has a great voice and more music talent than most of us have in our little finger, so you can take me off your list.
Supposedly 2 if not all 3 just had some expensive plastic recontruction.
I play keyboard and piano, so I DO have a little bit of talent in my little finger, lol....I had to read this about three times..you DO realize what you said, right? Maybe a smiley :) at the end?
Ummmm......that ain't much music talent.
My chickens play a mean piano.....with their beaks.
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