FREEPER FAMILY TABLE--The troubled child

me | March 4, 2005 | grellis

[grellis]

Let me preface by saying that this thread is aimed at discussing kids who are dealing with socially driven syndromes or disorders. In a thread in the very near future, we will discuss family members with special physical needs: Down's syndrome, autism, Alzheimer's, et al.

There is a lot of ground to cover on this subject and it is difficult to know where to begin. All of us have heard, I am sure, that Americans (particularly children) are more obese today than we have been in the past. Are our children becoming food addicts or couch addicts? How do we stop this problem before it starts? What help is available to parents who have an obese child? Are we dong the best that we can, as parents, to set a good example: Do we exercise on a regular basis or come up with excuses not to do so? Are we eating healthy most of the time? Then there is the opposite end of the spectrum: anorexia and bulimia. Are we as conscious as we can possibly be of our childrens' self images? How do we encourage our children, especially our young girls, to embrace their frames rather than strive to look like one of the Olsen skeletons? Am I wrong in thinking that steroid use in adolescent boys is, in a way, related to anorexia in girls?

How many parents are aware of cutting? I'll be honest--I do not know that much about it, just that it is on the rise. Cutting entails the intentional, physical harm of one's self, ie slicing open the skin with a razor blade. What drives a child to do this?

Addiction to drugs and alcohol might best be left to a thread on its own. What say all of you?

[grellis]

Good morning, ladies!

[grellis]

Good morning, gentlemen!

[BibChr]

They're good questions, but I arrive with no thought deeper than that a bad habit is more easily prevented than stopped.

Note: I do not say "easily." I say "MORE easily."

Dan
9c8

[sarasota]

I just purchased a portable trampoline for my 22 yo daughter who has a weight issue. She's used it for two days, so it's too early to tell how it will impact her physically and mentally, but my guess is that it will help enormously.

[SilentServiceCPOWife]

A trampoline sounds like a great idea. Not only is it good exercise, it's fun, too. My daughter would love to have one. We just don't have the space for it.

[LuLuLuLu]

I'm curious. How does a 22 month old have a weight issue? I understand the problems with older children who have access to all kinds of "food", but I remember my little ones eating what was provided.

[kiki04]

Good Morning!

I had a few cutters when I taught high school, all of them were girls, and all of them had family problems, wich lead to self esteem issues. The one girl also developed bulemia. All of them also chose to cover themselves, dressing "goth", almost like a way to mask themselves. The one girl survived high school and went to art school, she she be out by now, she hasn't emailed me in a while. One of the girls was busted and jailed for meth with her 35 year old boyfriend (she was 19 at the time), and the others I haven't heard anything from.

Does chasing a crawling baby around the house all day count as exercise! LOL!!


had to share her new pics, the first is her big yawn, the second when she found the digital camera...

[Tax-chick]

We have a small trampoline (about 4' across, 8" off the ground) in the schoolroom. My oldest son sometimes gets up in the middle of the night and jumps, when he can't sleep! It cost about $40 at the sporting goods store.

[Tax-chick]

Does chasing a crawling baby around the house all day count as exercise!

That's about all the exercise I get!

[FatherofFive]

I would suggest the following to anyone with a weight problem. It works.

Eliminate two things from your diet - flour and sugar. Eat as much as you want of everything else. You can eat whole grains such as oatmeal, but nothing with flour or sugar. You can drink juice and eat fruit.

You will be amazed at the results.

[SilentServiceCPOWife]

Do you know if they make any that fold up? As I said, we don't have any space to have one set up all of the time. It would be nice to have one that she could use and then put away. Our house is really small.

[sarasota]

The trampoline takes up the center of my bedroom! I've also considered taking it outside when the weather gets warmer and drier.

[grellis]

I see what you're saying but I'm not just referring to habits. What are some ways we can prevent a young girl from starving herself in the hope that she might look like a photoshopped supermodel? With regard to obesity, I think it is often borne of bad habits but again, distorted self-image comes into play. Maybe not just self-image--I think there is an issue of control going on. An anorexic becomes obsessed with the idea of having supreme control; I think that, possibly, someone who is obese is succumbing to having no control. I remember reading, a while back, that many children who have suffered sexual abuse become obese: They were powerless to stop the abuse, they go on to lose power over other aspects of their lives. Granted, that is a pretty specific example but I do believe that control is a common underlying factor with any weight issue.

[Tax-chick]

Ours can be picked up and stashed in the garage, under a bed, or in the back of a closet.

[sarasota]

I'm not sure but I think it has something to do with snacking on cheese, eating lots of pasta (with cheese), drinking probably too much milk and not eating enough vegetables. I don't keep snack foods in the house unless you want to count triscuits and other crackers. Another problem is lack of exercise.

[Tax-chick]

I do believe that control is a common underlying factor with any weight issue.

That has been my experience.

[sarasota]

I'm going to pass this along to my daughter. What a good idea.

[grellis]

22 year old, not month, but it does bring up an interesting mental image--picture one of those super-sized toddlers you see in tabloids now and then on a trampoline. For that matter, picture any 22 month old on a trampoline.

That's frightening!

[sarasota]

Funny, I didn't even notice the 'month' instead of 'year'.
Hope my response made sense anyway.

[SilentServiceCPOWife]

It sounds perfect. Do you know what brand it is?

[grellis]

I've also considered taking it outside when the weather gets warmer and drier.

Excellent idea, for a couple of reasons, at least. First, it will establish a habit of exercising outdoors--making a transition to other outdoor activities (hiking, biking, etc) more natural. Second, and again, this is specific--someone who is overweight should be discouraged, whenever possible, of "hiding away." You'll have mail in a minute.

[kiki04]

Like the toddlers on Maury Povich! There was once a 9 month old on Maury who weighed 100 pounds, his mom put soda in his bottle and fed him steak and potatos, bbq ribs and mac and cheese! Who gives a 9 month old soda and red meat! How do these stupid people keep breeding!!!

[sarasota]

She hides away unlike anyone I've ever known. Always has.

[Tax-chick]

Doesn't say. We got it at "Dick's Sporting Goods," which has the same stock as every other big athletic store chain.

[Rubber_Duckie_27]

If your daughter likes pasta, then serve 100% whole wheat pasta with plenty of a veggie-packed marinara sauce and a sprinkling of a good fresh parmesan. The fresh cheese has a much more robust flavor than

Get rid of anything "starchy" that isn't 100% whole wheat - read labels! No potatoes, no white bread, no white flour. Triscuits are a nice snack and relatively low in fat and calories with a lot of fiber. Fiber is filling! Have her try taking a fiber supplement about 20 minutes before eating a meal, and she may find she gets fuller on less food.

Instead of red meat serve plenty of fish and chicken. Beans and eggs are a good (cheap!) source of lower fat protein. Also low fat dairy usually tastes better than fat free and generally has similar calorie counts and less fillers.

I have a mini trampoline that I bought about a year ago. I actually have some trampoline workout DVDs that are gathering dust on the shelf (the Urban Rebounding series). It can be a good cardio workout and helps build leg muscles too. Just have your daughter start SLOW - maybe 10-15 minutes of vigorous bouncing will be enough to work up a sweat and raise the heart rate without cauing too much muscle soreness.

[LuLuLuLu]

My apologies, sarasota. The brain is not quite in gear, and I just couldn't imagine a child at 22 MONTHS helping herself to everything.

I really must learn to read more closely.

I agree with whomever said to eliminate sugar and white flour, and will add that we should all avoid processed food. Too much high fructose corn syrup.

[backinthefold]

 What are some ways we can prevent a young girl from starving herself in the hope that she might look like a photoshopped supermodel?

 

Because I was anorexic in HS, and when my good Italian mother forced me to eat, I would then become bulimic, all I can say is you really cant prevent it. Anorexia is all about control. The only think I felt I had control over in HS was my food intake. Classes, homework, peer pressure, parties, boy friends, girl friends etc, I felt I had no control over any of it, but hey, I could eat or not eat at my own discretion...

 

 With regard to obesity, I think it is often borne of bad habits but again, distorted self-image comes into play

 

As for the weight problem now a days... don't you think it has something to do with the fact we cant let our kids out to roam like we used to? I used to leave the house and play at this neighbor or that neighbor all summer long, as long as I was home by dusk. I panic letting my kids ride their bikes down the street. Our children cant be children like we were, and without that activity, the weight packs on..

 

Cant blame it on Twinkies, I loved Twinkies when I was little, but I would go out and play to burn it off

[sarasota]

Thanks for all the wonderful ideas. I'm going to get to work on a meal plan this weekend and try to set out menus for the coming week. I'm also taking her roller skating (her favorite aside from swimming) and she's experessed an interest in learning to ski, so I think she's on her way to better health--and a better body.

[FatherofFive]

I was thinking of turning it into a book, but I would need to use a really big font to get it to more than one page!

[sarasota]

The most powerful messages are often delivered in few words!

[annyokie]

I was anorexic from my teens into my 30's. I blame it on my naturally very slim mother who constantly harped at me to watch my weight so I wouldn't have to watch it later. And glared at me when I took seconds of anything.

I was never heavy, but more curvy than she due to my German father's genes. For instance, I was a 34-C bra when I was 14.

I was keeping a diary about what I ate when I was 13 and weighing myself ten times a day. I would fast for three days every week. I knew that I wasn't fat, but I had an overdeveloped need to please my mom.

I agree about most children not getting outdoors and getting exercise. My boys have a number of outdoor chores as well as housework that they must do and are quite slim and healthy.

I don't get after them about how much they eat other than when they get picky. The issues that I developed about food
don't need to get passed on to another generation.

[backinthefold]

My mom had the full Italian figure, and I guess I didn't want to look like that. She even joked about being able to set a table for 2 on her rear... really she did..

 

I, like you, don't want to do that to my kids. My youngest is a bit heavy for 12 years old, but even her pediatrician said, lets see how the body changes when she gets her period.

 

[annyokie]

Your daughter will likely have a growth spurt when she gets her period. I have no girls. What is the usual age that a girl gets her period today? I was about 12 and a half, but had a girlfriend who got her first at 9.

[sarasota]

My daughter was slender until she got her period. She was very stressed out about it and ate for comfort. Maybe it will have the reverse effect on your daughter. You never know with hormones.

[grellis]

Our children cant be children like we were, and without that activity, the weight packs on.

Sadly, so true. I was playing with the neighborhood kids, unsupervised, from first grade on. There's no way I can let my kids do that--we don't live in a ghetto but we have a few prostitues (which means johns, which means drugs...). Once the weather hits the 50s, I take the kids out for a walk every single day, at least a half-mile, usually more. Josh, at seven, would rather be staying at home learning computer programming but I'm going gestapo on that this year. His weight is okay but he's leaning toward heavy and he is NOT physically fit. No muscle tone whatever, gets winded very easily, etc. He threw a fit nearly every time I took him for a walk last summer but he always ended up enjoying himself. He is learning how to identify all kinds of things: Trees, birds, architecture...once I get him out, moving around, and looking at things he doesn't even realize he's getting some much needed exercise. The older he gets the more challenging it will become. A lot of my neighbors don't have a problem letting their kids run loose and I know Josh won't want Mom tagging along. All I can do is tell myself "Do you want a slightly resentful child or an Amber Alert?" Easy choice.

[grellis]

FReeper Registered could do a wonderful photoshop with Evie yawning...and a tv running a Kerry ad in the background!

Reg, consider yourself duly challenged!!!

[grellis]

How does rice fit in with a healthy diet for someone who is trying to lose weight? I have ALWAYS hated rice until my hubby got a Zojiruchi rice cooker. Properly cooked rice is wonderful, especially if it is prepared in fruit juice or chicken broth. Now I can't get enough!!!

For any of you who like rice but hate preparing it, I can't stress strongly enough how excellent the Zojiruchi cooker is. Easily the best appliance we've ever had.

[sarasota]

On the basis of my family, rice either helps digestion or rice constipates! White or brown or wild rice.

[annyokie]

Why would you need another appliance for an item you can cook in a saucepan? I'm not being a smart-aleck, but you can make a pot of rice in 20 minutes on the stove-top.

[FatherofFive]

The second phase of my "No Flour, No Sugar" diet is the "White Out" diet. Eat nothing white. No potatoes (Sweet potatoes are OK) No milk. No Rice. I eliminate these in moderation. If I needed to lose weight, I would eliminate them completly.

That being said, I love rice. It contains complementary protiens when served with beans (refied or "Ranch Style"). It also is the perfect media to hold a nice beurre blanc sauce. I also bake it with butter, garlic, chicken broth, parsley, thyme and bay leaf. (I'm getting hungry!)

To me, there is no such thing as an unhealthy food. A piece of cheese cake is not unhealthy. A piece of cheesecake everyday is an unhealthy diet. Fitness and weight loss is a lifestyle thing. Fads don't work.

[backinthefold]

She was very stressed out about it and ate for comfort. Maybe it will have the reverse effect on your daughter

 

Little-bit has been eager to get her period ever since her big sister got hers.. so I dont think it will be a problem. Little-bit is so much like me, I had the same body type till I hit puberty.

 

Anny, I was in 6th grade, so was my oldest when we got the curse :) 9 years old?? Lordy, I cant imagine that!

[backinthefold]

All I can do is tell myself "Do you want a slightly resentful child or an Amber Alert?"

 

What a sad world we live in. I lay the blame on the hippy, pinko, nambla, aclu, liberal weeines out there.

[annyokie]

I had just started seventh grade. The curse, indeed!

My friend who got hers at 9 was also an Italina. A redhead.

[luckystarmom]

My daughter is a little over-weight. She is an identical twin and weighs at least 10 lbs more than her twin sister.

She just eats more than either of my other kids, and she always has (even as a baby). My other two kids rarely finish their food, and she is always asking for 2nds (or 3rds).

One summer, I kept juice boxes in the refrigerator. I noticed that she put on a lot of weight. She was about 4 years old, and she had just been getting juice boxes out and drinking them without me knowing it. I moved the juice boxes after that.

I've had to put my foot down with her. I've told her that she can't eat the sweets, and I have to tell her no when she wants 2nds or 3rds. I tell her that she can have as many fruits and vegetables as she wants, but that's it.

It's hard because my son is really skinny, and I'm always trying to get him to eat more.

[luckystarmom]

My son is skinny, and he is a couch potatoe. My daughter is heavy, and very active. She just eats a lot more than he does.

[LadyShallott]

I was a chubby kid who grew into a chubby teenager. When I hit 14 years old I had a friend of mine tell me that I was well "padded". I had never really seen myself as heavy until then. I dropped 40 pounds in three months. I came back to school after the summer break a size 5. My teachers actually called my mom to ask her if I was ok. I am over 5 foot 8 and they were concerned. I have to say two things would have helped me growing up. I wish someone in my family would have talked about body perception and taking care of yourself in a healthy open manner. It didn't matter what we had to eat, we had to eat it all. And I mean all of it. We were viewed as somewhat ungrateful if we didn't. So I grew up with the you eat all things on the table and you finish it. The concept of leaving food on my plate wasn't something I grasped until I starved myself through high school and into college. And the positive enforcement of not eating through the women in my family, looking back, made a very strong impression on me. So I think communication, as well as healthy options for eating, coupled with exercise on some level would be much better than any celluloid role model. :)

[backinthefold]

my best friend can eat and eat and eat, and I mean a bowl of cereal in the middle of the night kind of eating, and never gains a pound...

I hate it, but I guess its that motabalism thing... I lost mine when I gave birth, and I havent been able to find it agian

[backinthefold]

I had a friend of mine tell me that I was well "padded".

 

I was nicknamed "saddlebags" because of my thighs....