There’s an awful lot of “self” in your explanation.
How does this reconcile with “deny yourself”?
Very good question.
The self identity or ego identity is a necessary stepping st9ne to experiencing God.
You cannot fully experience God unless you surrender your individual will to God.
You cannot surrender your individual will to God if someone else is holding it in a dependency or co-dependency relationship, as they have control over your will.
Thus the ego or self identity is where you take your will from other people and own it yourself. Only then do you have the authority to surrender it to God.
Bottom line is that you must “find yourself” before you can “lose yourself.”