Posted on 06/22/2020 5:59:23 PM PDT by cvolkay
The Battery Operated Back-Patter
Urgent business opportunity!!! Looking for a financial angel to fund my new sure-fire can't miss idea. This is the perfect gift for that sweet, leftist, antifa, BLM progressive terrorist on your Christmas list.
With this recent descent into psychosis known as the Woke Hysteria there's no time to wait. This product will sell off the shelves in no time. You see I've done my research and it turns out that these people actually have nothing to do with politics or the individuals they protest for. It's true. After a double-blind clinical study we've discovered that these poor unfortunate souls reason for doing whatever it is they're doing is strictly and simply for themselves. This is science. It's all about that angry ugly face looking back at them in the mirror.
This segment of good folk have such low self-esteem and feelings of utter worthlessness that they flock in droves to this leftist fantasy immediately, they can pretend that they are now actually superior to everyone else both intellectually and morally. I mean, I know, I know, patently ridiculous but none-the-less they believe it and it's an integral feature of all of this mass hysteria.
Based on this we have developed a fantastic new device to instantly sell into the millions. You see one of the big features now of the typical, normal leftist psychopath is that they walk around in circles mumbling childish slogans about saving the world. While mumbling we all noticed they are all patting each other on the back constantly for their imagined great works. In psychological terms it might be known as a compulsive tic or something like that.
So we proudly step up with the automatic and handy self-back patter, prefabricated from urethane rubber. It's a device that fits snugly over your shoulder and has a great big whopping hand next to your back. It runs on one simple 9 volt battery. You just press the button and boom you're wonderful leftist back is being patted all day long. Great for all those nasty microaggressions and sins against your woke religion. It provides a day long adrenaline rush that will probably be enough to make you wet your self-righteous pants just contemplating your wonderfulness. It really is the "wonder of you."
We've got to move on this now and sell out our product and become big fat orange millionaires. You see if we wait, the medication might start taking effect and many of these people will leave their dream worlds and then where would our product be? So okay, not a peep!
This is absolutely brilliant absolutely brilliant and the crazy thing is you could probably sell it to the antifa crowd or at least the leftist millennials that need a pat on the back now that they’re out of school and not getting there participating trophy brilliant idea I’ll order a thousand
I’m in for $50,000, BUT ONLY if there is a secret box where after the 500th pat on the back, the hand reaches into the box, pulls out a 9mm and pumps several rounds into the head. Get back with me on that change and I’m in!
you are describing the big brother version of the back patter
remember they wanted to cure him before they killed him
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