Posted on 11/11/2017 12:41:04 AM PST by pboyington
On Veterans Day, it is important for those who have never served to take a moment to understand the solitary world of a vet.
Millions of vets are and have been successful in all endeavors. They are doctors, lawyers, business people and a thousand other professions. Not all have PTSD; not all are the troubled, brooding, street corner homeless guy, although they exist and need help desperately.
No matter how successful a vet might be materially, more often than not, vets are often alone, mentally and spiritually each day and for the rest of their lives.
Vets’ stories are all different, but some elements of the common experience exist.
Many vets experienced and saw and heard and did things unimaginable to the average person. They also lived a daily camaraderie that cannot be repeated in the civilian world. In fact, many vets spend the rest of their lives seeking the same esprit de corps that simply is absent from their civilian lives and jobs. They long to spend just 15 minutes back with the best friends they ever had, friends that are scattered to every corner of the earth, and some to the afterlife itself.
Vets are haunted by visions of horror and death, by guilt of somehow surviving and living the good life, when some they knew are gone. They strangely wish sometimes that they were back in those dreadful circumstances, not to experience the dirt and horror and terror and noise and violence again, but to be with the only people a vet really knows, other vets.
Civilians must understand that for a vet nothing is ever the same again. Their senses can be suddenly illuminated by the slightest sound or smell or sight: sights of death all around, a living version of Dante’s Inferno; sounds so loud that they can only be described as Saving Private Ryan in surround sound on steroids; smells vast and horrific; rotting death, burning fuel and equipment, rubber, animals and…people. The smoldering ruins of life all around them.
All vets have these thoughts nearly every day. Some may experience them for fractions of second, or for minutes at a time. They replay over and over again like an endless 24 hour war movie.
Part of the solitary world of the vet is being able to enjoy complete bliss doing absolutely nothing. This is a trait grating to civilians who must constantly search for endless stimuli. Unbeknownst to them, the greatest thrill of all is just being alive. A lot of vets have an Obi-wan Kenobi calmness. After what they went through, how bad can anything really be?
As King said to Chris in Platoon, “Make it outta here, it’s all gravy, every day of the rest of your life – gravy…”
So many, if not all vets walk around each day lost in their own special story. They were once great actors on a giant stage with speaking parts and props. Maybe they were heroes and now they aren’t anymore. Maybe they helped save the world and now they can’t. Maybe they gave orders and now they take them. Maybe they thought that they could accomplish anything and now they know they can’t. Perhaps their lives now are smaller and slower and sometimes in the vet’s mind, just incidental, even though they’re not.
Most civilians are oblivious to the solitary life of the vet. But, it’s there. It’s the same eternal and universal philosophy, whether you fought in World War II, Korea, Vietnam, the Gulf War, Iraq or Afghanistan. The experiences may have been different, but the emotions are the same.
A problem with the solitary world of the vet is that the vet has a hard time explaining what he or she did to those who didn’t serve. Some vets want to talk, but they have no outlet. Maybe their only outlet is watching a war movie or reading a book about the conflict they were in.
How often do people say, “Grandpa never talks about Korea.” That’s because Grandpa knows no one can understand except other vets. That’s because Grandpa knows most people don’t care.
Part of this taciturn mentality is that vets speak another language, a strange and archaic language of their past. How do you talk to civilians about “fire for effect” or “grid 7310” or “shake and bake” or “frag orders” or “10 days and a wake up” or a thousand and one other terms that are mystifying to the real world?
You can’t.
All of this adds to the solitary world of the vet. Some are better at handling life afterwards than others. Some don’t seem affected at all, but they are. They just hide it. Some never return to normal. But, what is normal to a vet anymore?
So, this Veterans’ Day, if you see a vet sitting by themselves at a restaurant or on a train or shopping at the grocery store alone, take a moment to speak with them. Take them out of their solitary world for a moment. You’ll be happy you did.
Some of what sucks is just getting old.
I used to drive submarines, Bradleys, LAV’s, hummers, flew planes
now I cant manage a self propelled lawn mower and it’s depressing
Great post, thank you for posting.
I understand this now, I got back from a year in Baghdad in 08. I was telling a long time friend some of my sea stories and all I got back was this look of someone who had no idea how to respond to what he had heard.
In addition, my dad was awarded a Bronze Star and Purple Heart in Korea trying to help his platoon commander who was pinned down. I knew very little about this until I came back from Iraq. He saw me as a peer at that time and learned things that he had never told me. I was pushing 50 around that time.
May God bless you and yours.
I think it’s a mistake to perceive all vets as isolated loners cast to the margins of society by their experiences. Yes, some are. I’m sure their memories haunt them. And they deserve the best care we can give.
But many others simply accept that they did what they had to do, put the past behind them, and pick up their lives where they left off. And remember, not every veteran fought in combat. Many never heard a shot fired in anger. Which is not to disparage or diminish their contributions, but only to point out that “veteran” does not equate to “battlefield traumatized.”
To every single one (except Bowe Berghdal), a humble thanks for your service.
BTW despite the recent breach of opsec with seal team 6
MOST vets cant share their stories
35 years on in am just starting to say a few things
And yeah that’s lonely, so you join the local VFW, but you cant talk about shit while the wifes there, then comes the divorce..
yes you get the empty stare
My brother who never served still spits at the name of by grandfather, a man who served in the army in Burma CBI during WWII
“Bah! he was just a cook!”
I just pinch my nose
Sometimes I think we should all get our hands dirty ie everyone has to do their bit service/draft
But quite frankly I don’t need any malcontents on my boat.
I volunteered, then further volunteered for submarine service.
And we had each other back. If one goes we all go.
OOOOOOH yeahhhhhhh !
I think there's a certain, twilight zone osmosis that affects all vets of a combat era.
But I won't argue with a brother about it.
And what did we learn Bueller? Bueller..?
“never volunteer” LOL
That’s why God made beer, my FRiend.
There is a bond in military service.
People who have not been there are out of the loop.
I’ll never forget this Army general saying to me at an award ceremony, when I told him what a ball breaker it was “yeah but you learned a lot about yourself didn’t you?”
I bit my tongue, but I wanted to read him the riot act
Amen!
Yeah, really.
B T T T
My father fought in Korea, and spoke of a hill called Ol Baldy where his best friend died. I had only seen him cry a few times in his life. The first time was when he finally talked about the war. My grandmother told me about a party they had hosted upon his return - a car backfired and he yelled Incoming! And threw himself over his mom to protect her.
“Bah! he was just a cook!”
Many instances in wartime where cooks had to grab rifles & fight when their position were about to be overrun. Especially in the CBI.
Any competent cook who dishes up good chow builds morale & fighting spirit and is worth his weight in gold. Works longer hours than anyone else in the unit, too.
There are tons of fraternal orders
where outside of the fraternity most folks don’t get it.
But vets are of the highest caliber in my experience
After WWII a boatload of vets, missing the adrenaline of the military, hopped up some old surplus Harleys and a new American fraternity was born
99% of the off road trail in this country were cut by ex GIs with surplus army jeeps
Waddaya gonna do this weekend Wilbur?
“lets tale this willy jeep to the peak of tip top”
Lets fly these hang gliders off tip top, Wilbur cut a road and jimbo built a camp
Good cooks build moral!
When I was not on duty I volunteered in the mess
this served a few purposes
it got me the first cinammon rolls out of the ovens, aleivated boredem and ingratiated me to the boat and crew
also reminded me of home
whattya goona do lay in yer bunk and brood?
I cant imagine how hard it was to rangle up grub in the jungle in Burma with the japs on you
With Thanksgiving upon us I am reminded of Grandpa
He was an avid hunter after WWII and we would have wild turkey, pheasant, venison, quail, ham
All which he gather except the ham that was done on great grand dads farm
I imagine the dinner menu was not as simple in the jungles of burma
I can identify with much in the article. Many PTSD’d vets have the distinction of having earned the CIB, Purple Heart or valor medal which does much explaining. They can get together with their fellow vets at Vet Center group gatherings, vet clubs or whatever and talk shop if they want to.
But there are those few that worked special ops and intelligence missions that have zero record of their activities. Imagine, some puny little guy comes home from war, tells dad “I was special ops”, and dad looks him square in the eye and says “your full of shit!”. Their mere mentioning of it brings out disbelief and sometimes outright laughter from others as such men do not have that Sylvester Stallone or Arnold Swarzenegger look. Rather, they have that small framed skinny look of Martin Sheen when he was a kid. And if anyone did believe him or he talked too much he’d be in violation of non-disclosure agreements.
So in addition to the typical symptoms of PTSD, they get that double dose of loneliness spiced with paranoia.
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