Pelosi Blames Pro-Lifers for Democrats' Defeat [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 7 May 2017 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

To the list of culprits allegedly responsible for the 2016 election results—Russians, Wikileaks, Comey, misogyny—House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) added pro-lifers.

"We're kind of between a rock and a hard place on the abortion issue," Pelosi complained. "On the one hand, do we stand by progressive values and support a woman's inalienable right to terminate a pregnancy? Or do we take the politically expedient course of waffling on it? Many Democrats, including me, have successfully straddled the issue by proclaiming our personal opposition to abortion while still supporting it as a matter of public policy. I mean, I've never had an abortion. I think that's a pretty strong position in favor of life. I've also never stopped anyone else from having one. I think that is a strong position for freedom."

While conceding that recent elections have taken a toll on her Party, Pelosi looked forward to "the growth of the LGBTQ movement as the ultimate way out of our dilemma. If more women have sex with women and more men have sex with men the need for abortions should decline. Transgenders basically sterilize themselves and eliminate the risk of an unwanted pregnancy requiring an abortion. So, the more people we can persuade to live out these alternative lifestyles the fewer abortions there will be to help mobilize the pro-lifers to vote against the Democratic Party."

Ilyse Hogue, president of NARAL (National Abortion and Reproductive Rights Action League) said Pelosi's "waffling strategy is bad for women and the economy. The patriarchy has been forcing women to bear children since the beginning of time. We need for the Democratic Party to make a clean break with the idea that women should be compelled to endure this onerous task. The whole process is humiliating and disgusting. Since we are nearing an era where babies can be produced via technologies that don't require direct sexual reproduction political strategies that involve keeping males around for this purpose are obsolete. A much smaller number of breeder males can generate enough sperm through self-stimulation to impregnate a sufficient number of females to continue the species. A world where females outnumber males by thousands to one will be a more peaceful and prosperous one. Democrats need to be the vanguard of this revolution."

Planned Parenthood's "Champion of the Century" award winner Hillary Clinton offered to be the "founding mother" of this revolution against "the groups of men who conspire to deny women their God-given right to have an abortion. We can't let these bastards grind us down."

In related news, Baby Bee Hummingbirds, an Australian company, advertises that it "can turn unwanted embryos into jewelry keepsakes." This new product joins a line of jewelry made from breast milk, baby hair, baby teeth, umbilical cords, and placentas. "I don't believe there is any other business in the world that creates jewelry from human embryos, and I firmly believe that we are pioneering the way in this sacred art," said company founder Amy McGlade. "What could be a better way to celebrate your most treasured gift, your child, than through jewelry?"

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php?topic=261573.new#new

[lgjhn23]

She’s obviously insane since she’s a lib.
PeeLousie needs to take a good long look in the mirror. Botox has helped her any. Nutzy Nancy has no credibility.

[DIRTYSECRET]

I’d consider that a feather in our caps.

[Farmer Dean]

She had better hope that it WASN’T pro-lifers because we’re going to be around for a long time.

[antidemoncrat]

“On the one hand, do we stand by progressive values and support a woman’s inalienable right to terminate a pregnancy?”

Really Nancy?
After slaughtering over 40 million fetuses in this Republic, not just cells or goo as some Demoncrats like to put it but unborn infants, why should we be shocked when parents kill children, children kill parents or siblings kill siblings?

[MCF]

“I don’t believe there is any other business in the world that creates jewelry from human embryos, and I firmly believe that we are pioneering the way in this sacred art,”
What’s next in their line, lamp shades?

[Robert357]

I’ll take it. Just wait till Planned Parenthood gets shut down Nancy! Then you will possibly have to come face to face with the fact that you and your abortionist pals are out of touch.

[Morpheus2009]

I think whatever drugs she has been getting high on messed with her head so that nothing short of a miracle would allow her to think straight.