Treasury Says Billions Paid to Iran Not Used to Fund Terrorists [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 Sep 2016 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

Treasury Secretary Jack Lew told the House Financial Services Committee that "we have no evidence that the billions of dollars we have released to Iran in the past year have been used to fund terrorism. In fact, the government of Iran has assured us, in no uncertain terms, that not one dollar has been used to directly finance any terrorist group."

Lew admitted that "we have no real way of knowing. We didn't record the serial numbers of any of the bills we handed over" as "this would not have shown good faith. Friendship is built upon a certain measure of trust. If we don't trust, if we're always demanding proof, I don't see how our two nations can ever hope to be friends."

Committee Chair Rep. Jeb Hensarling (R-Texas) called Lew's position "stunningly naive. Iran has been a major funder of terrorist groups throughout the Middle East. The Obama Administration has been funneling cash to the regime by the bucket load, apparently 'no questions asked.' They are either insane or stupid beyond belief."

In related news, members of Libya's parliament have christened former US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton "the butcher of Libya." MP Jaballah Al-Shibani complained that "this evil witch took credit for killing Gadhafi, but we are worse off than we ever were under his government. Thousands of families have been destroyed by the radicals, with the women now living under Shariah law with no education, no good health, no schools, no good food, because of Hillary Clinton's policies. Allah forbid she should gain even more power as America's president."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php?topic=226438.0

[GoldenPup]

"...we have no evidence that the billions of dollars we have released to Iran in the past year have been used to fund terrorism."

Any evidence the money has been used for anything except terrorism? No? Cut the Bull$hit bureaucrat! Nobody with half an once of brains believes you, anyway.