CPUSA Pledges to Support Democrat for President [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 22 May 2016 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

The Communist Party of the United States (CPUSA) has enthusiastically endorsed "comrade Bernie Sanders as the progressive choice to complete the socialist revolution in America," but pledged its "support for whoever emerges with the Democratic Party's presidential nomination."

John Bachtell, national chair of the CPUSA expressed his "pleasure with the progressive evolution of the Democratic Party. The Communist agenda has been totally absorbed by this mainstream Party. President Obama has taken this country further down the road than we could ever have hoped to do on our own. Although Bernie has been a long-time member of the revolutionary movement, Secretary Clinton's promise to continue the policies of Obama give her enough credibility to be an acceptable second choice."

"We had feared that it would take decades for us to realize our objectives of abolishing private property and eliminating traditional Judeo-Christian values that oppress alternative lifestyles," Bachtell said. "But the massive voter support for Sanders and Clinton shows we are on the cusp of triumph. The extermination of greed and the age of absolute equality are now only one election away."

Bachtell boasted that "we are especially elated by the peaceful acquisition of power that is at hand. Unlike Lenin or Mao we haven't had to engage in armed conflict to overthrow the government. The expropriation of the expropriators will be attained by the freely given votes of the American electorate. By January of 2017, the armed forces and police will be under the control of a progressive government. Resistance will be futile and, where necessary, severely dealt with. It will be glorious."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,207864.0.html