Posted on 05/17/2015 10:01:23 AM PDT by John Semmens
This week, former Vermont Governor Howard Dean claimed that “Jesus was more to the left than the Democratic Party. Look, Jesus threw the money changers out of the temple. We Democrats are content to merely tax and regulate them.”
“If you listen closely to Jesus’ words about rendering unto Caesar what is Caesar’s, it seems clear that all the money properly belongs to the government,” Dean maintained. “Democrats haven’t gone that far. We still permit people to keep some of the money they earn.”
“You know, Jesus didn’t work a steady job,” Dean observed. “While he was traipsing about the desert he was living off of handouts. Yet, the so-called ‘religious right’ assails those who accept handouts as a way of life today as shiftless and parasitic. Maybe it is they who are out-of-sync with Jesus’ message.”
In related news, President Obama castigated churches, saying that “those who focus more on abortion and gay marriage than eradicating poverty are out-of-step with Jesus’ teachings. Jesus urged people to give away their wealth. If Congress would adopt more progressive taxation the government could help make this happen.”
“Can we be so sure Jesus would have condemned abortion or gay rights?” Obama wondered. “It seems to me that Jesus cared a lot about women. Why wouldn’t he care about their reproductive health? And didn’t Jesus spend a lot of time in the company of the apostles—all men? He never married as would have been normal for a Jew in those days. Can we be sure that Jesus himself was not gay?”
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://azconservative.org/2015/05/16/feds-warn-lenders-not-to-deny-loans-to-welfare-recipients/
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