Posted on 09/22/2014 12:52:04 AM PDT by Hetty_Fauxvert
Before I get started with my question (and boy, do I need ideas!) I want to note that I'm a *secular* Conservative, and do not identify as a Christian. So any forthcoming ideas from y'all that are based strictly on Bible teachings, etc. are not going to be terribly useful to me.
My problem: Our twin boys are 7 (pushing 8) and homeschooled. They probably know more about history than any other seven-year-olds in town, but I'll admit I've skipped over some areas of education so far. One of those "skipped over" areas is the concept of homosexuality. I wanted to wait until they were a bit older to bring it up (or wait until they asked me about it) but now my hand is being forced.
My husband and I belong to a games night group which has a monthly meeting at members' houses. Next month it's our turn to host. We've been a part of this group for 12 years, and have become good friends with several people who are members. It's important to me not to mess this up.
On Saturday I attended the monthly games night at someone else's house, and there were several new people there. Two of the new men introduced each other as one another's husbands. They seemed to have a good time, and made a point of saying they'd definitely come to next month's games night . . . at our house.
The area where we live is a particularly liberal bastion in California. There was no point in me saying anything about their being "husbands," so I didn't. My problem is: What do I say to our young sons in preparation for the meeting next month at our house?
My own "take" on homosexuality (particularly in men) is that sometimes it appears to be innate, though many times it appears to be a learned behavior. Whichever it is, I cannot regard it as "normal," in the way that the gay agenda wants us all to do. It seems to me that the ones who actually appear to be gay from the start have what is basically a birth defect. So in the same way that I wouldn't say, "Yay for spina bifida! Yay for cleft palate! They're great!" I feel that I cannot celebrate the "normality" of homosexuality.
I have had gay friends in the past, especially in college, and while I noted that they often seemed very conflicted and self-destructive, they were not bad people. I don't hate or fear gays. I just want them to not insist that I wave their rainbow flag for them. ;)
Anyway, I anticipate that when I tell our sons that there is such a thing as men being married to men, and women to women, I think their little heads are going to spin around. I want our sons to understand that we should be kind to these people, as we would be kind to anyone who had a problem they couldn't seem to help, but I also want them to realize I don't regard it as normal or desirable.
And lastly, I do NOT want my little darlings to bring this question up at the party! LOL! But I've had bad results in the recent past when I asked them to keep their little mouths shut on something. At this young age, it actually seemed to focus their attention on the issue and make them bring it up at the worst possible time. Reverse psychology, I guess. (I thought about not saying anything at all about homosexuality before our games night, but because our kids are gregarious, and also because they're homeschooled, they think they can focus in on anything they're interested in at any time and grill the adults about it. So I can just see one of our boys hearing one of the new members yapping about "my husband" and saying, "Wait! What do you mean, your husband?" And then the fat would be in the fire.)
So, many thanks for your thoughts and especially IDEAS from other parents on how to deal with this issue. Looking forward to seeing them.
Marriage was meant to protect children and future generations. What they are talking about are actual “Any Other Contract” of relationships centered around the self.
your best lesson is how your marriage works. We homeschooled our kids, and never felt the need to make marriage a study course. We just lived it. My three all get it.
It’s a bit beyond that. Families are the basis of society and without them, society falls apart.
Not to mention that many of our Founding Fathers spoke of “private morality” rather than it being imposed by the government. The alleged secularity of such was presumed to exist by them, too.
It’s funny you posted that link. I was reading that right before I wrote my vanity! LOL!
The “World Wide Web” really is a small world.
I would put my kids before friends and not tell them anything....if you feel the need to “prep” your kids then you obviously aren’t comfortable with it....if you aren’t comfortable with it....why are you letting them into your home at all?
I think that is what you should be asking yourself...
If it comes up then explain it in simple terms...kids are bright...they probably already know more than you think about it.
My two cents.
I’m sure you know you’re teaching them with your own lives as a married couple. That’s why they’ll ask questions because they see something that is out of the norm for their lives and will innately know that the pattern of dad/mom/kids is the way the basic human unit is organized. Humans learn by pattern recognition. A non-standard pattern will make a human pay special attention because something is not right, possibly even a danger.
There’s learning for adults in the honest approach to life by children and their candid questions. Whether you are spiritual or secular, you now have to make a moral choice because your boys are small bundles of morals being formed by you. Take the learning from your inner self when it’s clear that homosexuality does not follow the standard patterns in nature. From that, you can guide your boys to a moral path that’s been proven successful since the start of humanity.
Marriage is an institution used and meant to create strong bonds and an atmosphere conducive to rearing children.
This only works well in a pairing male and female as biology dictates.
Pairings that cannot natively produce children are biologically incompatible and are thus unnatural.
It's delusional.
It is not possible for them to procreate. It never was. It never will be. They are delusional.
Marriage is for creating a Family unit/bond. Their unit is delusional.
Hetty - I know you've already read the link but I'm pasting one paragraph from that article that really sums up what I posted a moment ago:
The point here is not remotely homophobic. The point here is not that Mommy and her lover, or Daddy and his, are to be shunned, much less hated. The point here is that mothers and fathers are fundamentally important to the development of children, and therefore to the future of the nation, which depends upon the development and maturation of the next generation. That works best when children have both a father and a mother.
My personal opinion about homosexuality is it’s not my business.
In regards to homosexual marriage you have to break down what marriage really is from a secular viewpoint. It is NOT about love. It is a contract, written by the state, affording certain legal protections enforced by the state. It is a corporate agreement for the benefit of children and women (generally the non bread winner). Being non-religious you have to agree that marriage is nothing more than a contract between two people. You can’t go in to the moral and religious aspects of marriage.
Goes against nature.
Good point. A secular marriage between two men is just as valid as a secular marriage between a man and woman. Traditional marriage is not a secular concept.
Tell them its for deviants.
First, refuse to use the euphemism “gay”.
my argument would be that marriage has (almost) always been between ONE man and ONE woman. If you remove the man and woman parts, then what is special about the number TWO? You cannot argue against any other combinations which leads to marriage becoming non-sensical. Why not marriage between parents and their children in order to avoid inheritance taxes since spouses can inherit w/o taxation? Do you have to show sexual relations to validate a marriage? And with all the forms of birth control and abortion available today you can’t point to an incestial relationship and somehow say that is invalid. I mean, who are you to judge? There are no limits anyone can argue. FWIW.
Personally, I think that your kids are too young to be dealing with this stuff and, if I were in your shoes, I’d send them to a sitters for that one night.
But if you really want to have ‘the talk’ tell them the truth. That homosexuality is a mental illness and that we are kind to people who’re coping with life as best as they know how.
As for marriage: Marriage was designed to protect both women and children.
The protection of women is why polygamy is still so popular in many third world areas where resources are scares. It acts as a life insurance policy so that women have someone to care for them if their husband dies. In some societies, a woman without a husband to protect and provide for her (even if she doesn’t have children) is toast.
Marriage helps protect and provide for children. Human children take a very long time to grow up and it takes the work of two parents to get them there.
As for the approach you want to take for gay marriage, I’d tell them that this is a way for people who have this mental illness to cope. The majority of them cannot be cured, so they deal with their situation as best as they can.
Their much too young to understand the problems that promiscuity has brought into the gay community and all the other baggage.
Again, at this age, I’d just send them to a sitters for the night. I was cornered into teaching my kids about the birds and the bees when I really didn’t think that they were ready and it still irritates me. I had planned on teaching them the birds and the bees gradually and I had no choice but to lay it all on them at once.
Non-religious does not equal denial of basic human biological facts nor the socio-cultural realities of time immemorial. If marriage is just a contract, why are the homosexuals so bent on getting “married” when what they really need is a civil union that’s backed by contract law? It doesn’t limit their freedom to say anything they want about “undying love for their life partner” and takes care of the legal necessities.
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