Posted on 11/15/2013 1:35:33 PM PST by grasshopper2
THE TRANSPORTATION EQUALITY ACT OF 2013
The U.S. government has just passed a new law called: "THE TRANSPORTATION EQUALITY ACT" also known as the Affordable Volvo Act which declares that every adult citizen MUST purchase a Volvo, by April 2014.
These affordable Volvos will cost an average of $54,000-$100,000 each unless the purchaser is entitled to a subsidy. This does not include taxes, gas, parking, insurance, licensing and repair fees.
This law has been passed, because until now, typically only wealthy and financially responsible people have been able to purchase safe vehicles such as Volvos. This is unfair to people who can’t afford to buy new cars with state of the-art safety features. Poor people are more likely to die in crashes than wealthy people who can afford Volvos. Government statistics show that people driving Volvos are 20 times less likely to die of their injuries in a car crash than people driving used Honda Civics. In addition, it’s unfair that very poor people can’t afford any car at all and are forced to ride public transportation. The new law ensures that every American can now have an "affordable" Volvo of their own, because everyone has the right to equal safety on the road and to equal access to convenient transportation.
In order to make sure everyone purchases an affordable Volvo, the cost of buying a non subsidized Volvo will increase on average of 250% and the non subsidized costs of repairing Volvos will increase 400 %. This way, wealthy people will pay more for something so as to subsidize the people who can’t afford to pay full price. But to be fair, people under the age of 26 can ride their parent’s Volvo until they turn 27; then must purchase their own Volvo.
• If you already have an automobile, you can keep yours (just kidding - no you can’t).
• If you don't want or don't need a Volvo, you are required to buy one anyhow.
• If you refuse to buy a Volvo or think you can’t afford one, you will be regularly fined $800 until you purchase one or face imprisonment.
• Subsidies will be available to people making up to 138% of the federal poverty line.
• People with no income will receive free Volvos, free parking and free maintenance on their vehicle.
A government review board (that doesn't know the difference between transmissions, engines or fuel efficiency) will decide everything, including: when, where, how often and for what purposes you can use your Volvo … along with how many people can drive or ride in your Volvo and determine if you are too old or healthy enough to be able to drive your Volvo. They will also decide if your Volvo has out-lived its usefulness or if you must purchase specific accessories, ($500 windshield wipers) or a newer and more expensive electric Volvo for $170,000. Those that can afford top of the-line-electric Volvos will be required to do so...it’s only fair.
People with substandard cars will be required to purchase new Volvos because substandard cars will no longer be legal to drive on public roads. Good deals on new Volvos can found on the government website AffordableVolvo.gov
Failure to comply with these rules will result in fines and possible imprisonment.
Government officials are exempt from this new law.
Unions, bankers and mega companies with large political affiliations ($$$) are also exempt.
If you purchase your Volvo before the end of the year, you will receive 4 "free" oil changes.
Replace “Volvo” with “Volt”, and you’ll be onto something.
You and I already pay a substantial amount of money for every Volt that every Volt owner buys anyway; so we might as well be forced into buying them.
Volvo’s - despite the claims of some - are actually quite nice, reliable, dependable and safe cars.
Volt’so n the other hand, are useless, expensive, they break down too much, and - like ObamaCare - a waste of time.
Or better yet, promise them a Volvo. Then give them a Volt.
Hope and Change, baby!
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