I think, in part, mistaught Christianity, which teaches that men should be wussies to emulate Christ, is in part responsible for this.
When I became a Christian in 1981 I attended an AG church. My then wife and I attended a “young marrieds” class which eventually became the “young family” class. I attended for 18 years, leaving because of my divorce.
The class emasculated men. At first I was ok with it because I was just accepting everything they taught. But the more I studied the word the more I had a problem with it.
Finally, one day, one of the guys stood up and confessed that he had been a bad husband and had ruled his family like a tyrant. It was pretty interesting. When he was done talking, I stood up and said, and I paraphrase, the bible teaches that the man is to be the strong leader. He is to make the tough decisions and take the responsibility and bear the brunt of the fallout from the bad decisions.
I further said that most of the men in the class, including me, had the opposite problem of the guy that had just spoken. That is, we defer the authority to our wife, leaving her with the tough decisions and expose her, unprotected, to the fallout, and this violates the very word of God regarding teaching of the roles of the man and woman in a marriage.
I posed a situation to the class, if the husband and wife are driving in the car and they come to a Y in the road, and, after discussing it, the husband wants to turn left, but the wife wants to turn right. If they are a Godly marriage, which way do they tur?
As one, the commenters said they needed to continue discussing. I said the turn is now right in front of you. You either turn left, right, or plow into the barrier. Which way do you turn? I short circuited most of the brains in the room. Almost NOBODY could respond, though some suggested that a man wants to please his wife so they should turn right.
I said NO! The man is responsible for the decision and bears the weight of it, be it right or wrong. The correct answer is that they turn left. I further clarified that the man that firmly believes he should turn left but turns right to please his wife has done her a terrible disservice. The reasons are legion and for another post.
On a side note, virtually every woman in the room was staring daggars at me, though nobody could argue against my point.
It’s like arguing against the teetotalers in my Kentucky baptist church now. They can’t support their position but they stand by it strongly. Oy.
I concur. I can only think of one time during my 26 year marriage that my own rather indulgent husband made a decision contrary to how I "felt". It was an emotional and weighty issue with consequences that could last for years.
He actually stood in front of me and said "I am the head of this household, I am telling you how this is going to be taken care of".
Though heartbroken, I conceded. I didn't tell him until years later how comforted I was to have that burden on his shoulders rather than mine. When a wife submits biblical to her husband,it is an awesome experience.
BTW. He was right, I knew he was. I just lacked the emotional strength to do what was right.