A 10-Pound Baby, a Zone Defense, and a Gentle and Quiet Spirit

The Joyful Nonconformist Blog ^ | 03/17/11 | Joyful Nonconformist

[MintyHippo1980]

It's a quote we've used many times over the years when people ask us how we can juggle so many kids: Any more than three is no big deal, because you have already learned how to make the switch from a man-to-man to a zone defense!

(I don't know who first said this, but I thank him...and I figure if my basketball star brother ever finds himself reading this post, he might enjoy the metaphor!)

Regardless of who deserves--but, alas, will never receive--the royalties for all the times we've said it, that little witticism bears more than a grain of truth...as anyone with more than two kids can probably attest! With one, you can play hot-potato if things get crazy; with two, you can still tuck one under each arm and make a run for it in an emergency; three requires the grace of God and good juggling, no matter how you shake it out.

So...by the time we found out we were expecting Daniel, we were already fairly proficient at the skills required for corralling a larger-than-average herd of children: advanced whip-and-chair techniques, ability to see through walls, plate-spinning at the 400-level, upside-down reading...the whole nine yards! All we would need to do is re-shuffle and deal the baby in when he arrived!

From the start, my pregnancy with Daniel was marked by an unusual peace. Now, some people would say that makes perfect sense. After all, he was my fifth pregnancy, so I pretty much knew my way around. Hannah was only going to be 18 months old when Daniel was born, so I was still in baby mode. I was totally in the zone!

But it was MUCH more than that. I know me. I'm not capable of producing this one my own...especially not over the long haul. No, the kind of peace I'm talking about can only come from God...and it started from the earliest days of my pregnancy and continued clear through Daniel's infancy. That is plenty amazing when you consider that we were getting ready to add a newborn to a household that already contained two teenagers, two pre-schoolers, two cats, and a toddler...but there was a lot more going on than just getting ready for another baby.

Months before we got pregnant with Daniel, Jim and I had both begun to sense a nudging of the Holy Spirit that we should be thinking about moving back home to Illinois. On a personal level, it felt like a good idea. We missed our family. It was heart-breaking to watch my children (and their Momma) fall apart every time we left Illinois to go home after a visit--or when Grandma and Grandpa would drive away after visiting us.

But it seemed like more than that. We both truly felt that God was preparing us to take all the things we had learned during our time of intense spiritual training in Minnesota...and return back to where we had started, armed and prepared to join Him in His work there.

So we sent Jim's resume to the Christian radio stations back home, we asked a select few friends and family members in Illinois to be in prayer for God's leading, and we waited to see what He would do next.

We waited for almost a year.

In that time, we grew even more deeply attached to our dear Minnesota friends...we became more actively involved in our church and our homeschool group...and we began to think that maybe we needed our spiritual hearing checked! (Because we must have mis-heard God's message!)

And then, on the day (yes...the very day!) Daniel was born, Krystal called us at the hospital to say that Moody Broadcasting had called Jim, requesting a phone interview. They had a position open at WDLM, their affiliate back home in Illinois.

How's that for hilarious timing?

Well, Jim ran home to spend a little time preparing himself for a job interview while I spent some time getting to know the dainty little bundle God had blessed us with. The nursery nurses loved Daniel because he was so round and plump---and, they said, big babies are more content. Maybe because they are more drought- and famine-resistant than their standard-sized peers? I don't know. Whatever the reason, Daniel was content...and it was contagious! And what a blessing that proved to be.

Because, on top of the general busyness of our household...in addition to the looming possibility of needing to sell our house and move...beyond all that, Jim's mom had become very sick. At first, it didn't seem all that serious...then it dragged on...and it started getting scary. In fact, in the days before Daniel was born, Jim and Kayla had made a quick, nervous run back to Illinois to see Jim's mom in the hospital, trusting the Lord that nothing would happen baby-wise while they were gone.

In God's merciful timing, Jim's mom remained stable until Daniel was ten days old. That morning, we received word that her condition had become much more critical. Daniel and I were scheduled to see the doctor that day for a check-up, so while we were there, I explained the situation to our doctor, who was also a deacon at our church. I asked if there was any reason Daniel and I couldn't make the six-hour drive to Illinois. He looked at me with loving concern and told me he thought we absolutely should go.

So we went home from the clinic, bossed Krystal and Kayla through the fastest-ever pack-up of eight people, and left for Illinois, praying we wouldn't need to pull out the dressy clothes we had thrown in "just in case."

Unfortunately, we ended up needing our funeral clothes. It was devastating. But God was so there...and in His beautiful, providential timing, we had Daniel to soothe our broken hearts. The house was filled to overflowing with grieving people, and the moment we arrived every day, Daniel was promptly taken off my hands and passed around, sleeping happily, until he started to act hungry. Only then would someone grudgingly bring him to me, along with a reminder that someone had dibs on him after he had eaten. (Good thing I was nursing him, or I wouldn't have seen him at all during those days!) He never cried...he just loved to snuggle...and he was such a comfort.

I'm sure that any baby would have been a welcome distraction during that time. I think it's in our nature to want to hold on to the evidence that life goes on, even in our grief. But I can tell you that I've had babies who would have been...let's just say less of a blessing under those circumstances.

We arrived back in Minnesota, worn out and grief-stricken after a week in Illinois. And to top it off, I hadn't really had a post-partum recuperation period--unless you count hanging out at the hospital every day for IV antibiotics when I popped a crazy fever 3 days after Daniel was born. Personally, I don't count that. What are you...crazy?

I know me pretty well, and I can say with reasonable certainty that, under those circumstances--new baby or no new baby--I normally would have been caught up in the whirlwind of stress...and taking everybody else down with me. But at that time, I was very tired, and I was so sad, but I felt God's peace and His comforting presence just as plainly as I could feel Daniel in my arms.

And it continued in the weeks that followed when Jim got called back to Illinois for an on-site interview at WDLM...and when we received a job offer...and when the preparations began for moving.

There are those who would look at this 1-year segment of the ol' Bennett timeline and think it reads like a pretty good advertisement in support of birth control. Unscheduled travel, an unforeseen death in the family, a hurried interstate move: All these events are stressful...and even more so with children in tow. But with six children in tow? Insanity! And one of them a newborn! Talk about adding insult to injury! (And I didn't even mention the horrifying case of mastitis I got just as the packing was building up to a crescendo!)

But let me tell you how it looks from this side...

The hormone that enables a woman to breastfeed--prolactin--is also one of the body's best stress-fighting hormones. This means that a breastfeeding mom is able to handle stress better than her formula-feeding comrades...and better than she herself could at any other time. What a fascinating coincidence! (Hee hee!)

Plus, it is my experience that nursing a baby is best done in a position of rest. Now, I do have a friend who could actually walk around nursing her babies! Yes, seriously! But for those of us who are mere mortals, seated is really the way to go. And check this out: The time that a mom's body most needs some extra rest (like in the early weeks after giving birth) is the same time that a baby needs to nurse the most often.

Boy, it's almost like Someone planned this!

And what a blessing that was during those crazy two months after Daniel was born! Several times a day--every day--I would have to step away from the crowd, pull myself away from the stress, stop packing for a while...and just be still. No one could look at me askance or call me a slacker...I was doing a job that no one else in the house could do! God knew I would really, really need that.

And, to this day, Daniel is still Captain Mellow. He never did out-grow it! Among my children, he is the least likely to pick a fight and the most likely to pick a nap. He loves to hang out...and to snuggle. (Just like he did from the very beginning.) He's everyone's buddy...and that serves you well when you're the seventh of ten children!

And as for me, I have spent a lot of time this week thinking about what it means to be in possession of a gentle and quiet spirit. 1 Peter 3 refers to it as an "unfading beauty" which is "of great worth in God's sight." Mmm...I'd like to have some unfading beauty please.

I would never endeavor to add to scripture, but if I were so inclined, I would tack a study note onto this one: A gentle and quiet spirit is of great worth in the sight of my family as well! Right or wrong...for better or for worse...the condition of my spirit tends to set the thermostat for the entire household. If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy...yes, it's true; but when Momma allows herself to be a conduit of God's peace, everyone in the house benefits.

When I think back on the wild ride that was Bennett-land during 2002, I can't help but fall heavily under conviction. I mean, if I can keep my cool (and lead my family to do likewise) under those conditions, how sad is it that the simple irritations of daily life can so easily turn my skin green and send my monkeys flying?! There are lots of days my sister better watch out for falling houses!

It's sad, but do you want to know what I discovered? I haven't spent a lot of time asking God to create in me the gentle and quiet spirit I would love to have. To paraphrase James 4:2, I have not because I ask not. Jeremiah 6:16 tells me that I should "ask where the good way is and walk in it" if I want to find rest for my soul.

And I do. I really, really do.

Blessings! Missy

[MintyHippo1980]

This woman is an amazing example to me.

[pepperdog]

I so enjoyed reading this.