Posted on 02/24/2007 7:26:01 PM PST by Cannoneer No. 4
The other day Cannoneer No. 4 called me, as he usually does. He tries to call me once a day to reassure me that he is doing fine. While we were talking I kept hearing Boom! Boom! This happens every now and then from the GIs blowing up stuff (EOD Controlled Detonation — #4) so over the years of hearing from him I have learned to ignore them (not really, I just don’t freak out like I use to!) Stuff happens and the GIs have to blow it up!
Well, while we were talking the noise got louder, then I hear people yelling “In coming!” and Cannoneer telling me, “Baby, I have to go we’re getting blown up.” As he was hanging up I could hear people running, stuff falling and sirens whaling. The phone goes dead! God! I’m so scared! What do I do? I prayed, that was the first thing I did. I lit candles, that was the second thing I did. Third I collapsed on a chair and tried very hard to keep the ” bad” things from running rampant in my head, no use there here, is he dead? Is he hurt? God? What do I do if my baby dies? I can’t think like this. OK! He’s alright I know he’s alright, OK, breathe, breathe, in, out, in, out, deep breathe my puppy is looking scared he keeps trying to lick my tears away. I will not break down I will not break down. OK! Deep breathe, now, he’s fine. I would know some how I would know if he was hurt or dead, and I don’t feel that he’s hurt or dead, God? what do I do? I can’t live with out him! this hurts to bad. I cry trying very hard to keep my wits about me, thinking My sweetie is fine I know he’s fine we can handle this, if he hurt I will just nurse him back that’s all “Please God, take care of my baby, I can’t live without him” I keep saying this over and over in my head! All the things that can go wrong have gone through my head is he hurt, legs blown off, arms blown off, does he have a gut wound every imaginable horrible thing that could happen to him has gone through my head, but I fight the bad thoughts I know he’s fine, he’s just trying to get to his men and make sure they are safe. Then he has to go call HQ and tell them all men are accounted for he’s fine, he’s fine, I know he’s fine! I’m so scared I will lose him. OK! I can do this repeat after me He’s fine! So this mantra goes through my head the remainder of the time it takes him to call me back. 25 minutes have passed. The phone rings, it’s my special ring tone for him! He’s alright!!! I answer, I hear, “I’m fine my men are fine can’t talk right now. Stop worrying I’m alive. I love you, got to go Bye Baby!”. Phone goes dead again but this time I just sit and cry! Relief folds all over me. I was worried for nothing, again.
This is the 4th time I have gone through this hell! And each time I worry like crazy, then minutes, hours or even weeks later I hear from him. The first time this happened it took almost a week for him to call me back , the second time hours and the third days now this time 25 minutes. After about 30 minutes I calm down and go take a shower to wash all the badness off me. That’s how I cleanse myself of all the bad things I have to deal with from time to time. Each day I light candles and pray for my husband and my sons who are in harms way.
This how I handle my fear of what could happen to the men I love.
Each family does something to live with the fear of losing their loved ones. It’s very scary, but my guy is happy to be there and doing what he feels is good and right to keep our world free from the crazies who would love to come to middle America and blow the hell out of it. They would love to kill little Mrs. America and her children to put fear in all our hearts so we can’t function and get on with our work and keep our economy running. The bad guys would love it if we all were going through what I went through every second of everyday. I go through it, so someone else does not have too. I know it sounds silly or crazy but those few minutes of total terror I experienced meant that some one else did not have to do it. And I would go through that god awful terror again if I knew no one else would have to do go through it.
I’m so scared that the MSM is belittling what our guys and gals do to keep them and all of us free from the crazies. The Left-wing nuts keep going on and on about how Bush lied about______, fill in the blank, you name it its Bush’s fault. What they don’t seem to understand is that if our guys weren’t doing this hard, very lonely job, we here in the States would be fighting the crazies in our front yards, in our malls and in our schools.
ping
Thank you for the sacrifice that you are making. Its not easy having to let the people you love go out and do these things. You not only have let your husband do it, but also your sons. Thank you.
(((Hugs)))I need a puppy.
*ping*
I want to echo what my son, JemiansTerror, said. You are sacrificing and serving our country by minding the home front. i completely echo your sentiments. God Bless You.
JT, thanks for the ping. Keep your head down.
My son is leaving on Monday and I am not sure how I will handle the newsflow. Just looking at breaking news for the last two weeks have had me on edge due to all the attacks. My son has a wife, 2 sons and 1 more due in 3 weeks. I have seen other military family members read and follow these threads with their hearts in their hands.
My son believes in his mission and I support him 150%. I just wish the damn DSM would consider the feelings of family members when reporting their garbage.
(((Hugs)))
Good to see you back...and pinging the list again brother. BTTT.
How will you handle it? You'll be ok lady...remember you've got a couple of thousand (at least) people praying for you and you son.
(IM (not so) HO) the milblogs are a much better source of info on what's going on in Iraq.
Are there any milblogs in particular that you would recommend?
Thank God for your and our heroes! And thank God for you.
Mudvillegazette
http://www.mudvillegazette.com/milblogs/
Blackfive
http://www.blackfive.net/
Michael Yon
http://michaelyon.blogspot.com/
The Belmont Club
http://www.fallbackbelmont.blogspot.com/
Blogs of War
http://www.blogsofwar.com/
Got a couple of hundred more. :-)
I really need to get a life!
Beneath the static of the Ministry of Propaganda lies a vast [silent] majority that knows who the heroes are, knows who to pray for, knows the fight is being fought and won by them.
God Bless you and yours, Keepers of the Flame of Freedom
ping
Cannonette's can talk!
Crying Gold Star Mothers who Blame Bush make great television.
Your real family back home, wife/children/mother/father, likely have no way to understand what you are doing or what you have done. They most likely have no frame of reference for what you are doing, for how intense your life is on a minute-by-minute basis. In the ideal world, you would have some time to come back to earth to relearn how to be a human after being out on the front lines. Usually that never happens. You are home and 'poof' it's back to normal. Except its not. Now you have to deal with being a husband/wife/mother/father. The parenting thing may be new, something that occurred when you were gone. Your loved ones may wonder where you are after you get back, because this is not the same person that left 6/12/18/24 months ago.
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