the good news is the drug test came back negative, but your dog is pregnant...
Posted on 04/24/2018 10:06:42 AM PDT by Morgana
BELMONT COUNTY, Ohio (WTRF) - A woman who tried to use someone else's urine to pass a court-ordered drug test learned her fate on Monday.
"So let me get this straight. To avoid the positive test with your own urine, you used someone else's urine who turned out to be positive also. That's bizarre. That's absolutely bizarre. You have a bottle of fake urine which was positive in your own body," said Judge Frank Fregiato.
(Excerpt) Read more at wowktv.com ...
More Russian prostitutes?
“...but she was stupid and used another junkie’s urine. That is what’s funny about it.”
Agreed. I’d have loved to have seen the perp’s face when she found out the substitute urine sample was also positive.
LOL!
“Okay, I have the clean urine. How far in advance of the drug test do I drink it?”
The judge said is was “fake urine”, but the problem is, it’s REAL urine from somebody else.
I happened upon sites, this had to be 7 pro 8 years ago (so the practice has been around for some time...they sell “devices” that allow a person to fake a urine drug test.
Just google (device for urine text) It never occurred to me that there was this kind of “business”...nor that it was so prevalent.
One of those 5 hour energy drink bottles filled with store-bought urine, aluminum foil rubber-banded over the opening. Insert early enough to come up to temp, pierce the foil with a fingernail at the appropriate time and voila, she passes the test. It would take a sharp observer or a cavity search to trup her up.
The phony urine had the sought substance? That’s too funny.
“But women have a distinct advantage in fake pee test”
Males have to resort to the Whizzinator. Sometimes they deploy the wrong ethnicity.
I was on an Army admin separation board for years. Heard every excuse for popping hot. Then one day a unit first sergeant came into the courtroom; they had already taken away his diamond. Just as squared away as a soldier can be, we were stunned that he would throw away his career like that.
UNTIL we got the unit urinalysis NCO on the stand; we found that collection bottles were mislabeled & the one with his name belonged to someone else. Case over.
He sat as though awaiting execution. I read our finding, “Soldier did not use an illegal drug”. No response.
I repeated, “Soldier did NOT use an illegal drug”. His JAG rep nudged him, “That’s it! You’re innocent!”
Relief so overwhelmed the 1st Sgt that he could not speak; he began saying “Hooah!”, over & over. His family hugged him, “Hooah!” He came to the jury box & shook hands with each of us, “Hooah!” His family led him out of the courtroom and his Hooah’s echoed down the hallway.
It was a happy ending and I love to tell the story.
More stupid criminal tricks.
You learn something new on FR every day.
the good news is the drug test came back negative, but your dog is pregnant...
And the taxpayer is paying for her crime.
Ive seen this happen. Three times now. Ive seen about everything pee test related.
Posted this sometime back, but it's good for another rerun.
Back in the '90s, My youngest boy worked on the railroad, where they had surprise pee tests (of which everyone got the word). One of the guys he worked with was a user. He got his girlfriend to give him a sample and used that at test time.
A few days later the boss called him in and told him he had some good news and some bad news. You guessed it. The good news was that he was pregnant, the bad news was he was fired.
A WWII joke along this line was the GI who bought some wine from a farmer in France. Tasted awful, and he figured it was cut with some lower grade stuff. He sent it to a buddy in the chemical corps for validation. The result was that his horse had a kidney problem.
An Ann Landers item had one where a woman had to take a urine sample to her doc and use an empty whiskey bottle as the container. She left it on the car seat when she dashed into a store for a last-minute item. When she came out, the bottle was gone. She laughed all the way to the doctors office.
too funny... last three drug screens i’ve taken were hair
let-em try and beat those
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