Posted this sometime back, but it's good for another rerun.
Back in the '90s, My youngest boy worked on the railroad, where they had surprise pee tests (of which everyone got the word). One of the guys he worked with was a user. He got his girlfriend to give him a sample and used that at test time.
A few days later the boss called him in and told him he had some good news and some bad news. You guessed it. The good news was that he was pregnant, the bad news was he was fired.
A WWII joke along this line was the GI who bought some wine from a farmer in France. Tasted awful, and he figured it was cut with some lower grade stuff. He sent it to a buddy in the chemical corps for validation. The result was that his horse had a kidney problem.
An Ann Landers item had one where a woman had to take a urine sample to her doc and use an empty whiskey bottle as the container. She left it on the car seat when she dashed into a store for a last-minute item. When she came out, the bottle was gone. She laughed all the way to the doctors office.
too funny... last three drug screens i’ve taken were hair
let-em try and beat those