If you see a therapist, I cannot stress strongly enough the need to be sure that therapist is good. There a TONS of therapists who will make the problem worse.
Some things to look for in a therapist:
1. Christian. Not an absolute requirement, but at least you know you have a better chance that it is someone aligned with your morals.
2. Experience in dealing with situations like yours. Someone might be a great marriage counselor and a wonderful person, but have no background with a child/family going through a crisis like yours.
A few more points.
Take a close look at the kids your kid is hanging out with. Also the teachers. Starting around this age, they have a far greater influence on your child than you do. Completely cut off contact with bad influences. COMPLETELY.
Is this a cry for attention? Do you think he might be acting this way to test your limits? No matter how much they say otherwise, kids WANT LIMITS. If you are allowing the kid to “run the show, call the shots”, he is rebelling against that. If you are not paying enough attention to him (or only paying attention when he is bad), he is screaming for attention. This is not an indictment of your parenting. Plenty of good parents who are trying to do the right thing do not understand this.
Is this a cry for attention or help for some other reason? For example, is he being bullied or molested and is unable to admit it?
Cycle of misery/guilt. Some people seem to get a “high” from causing problems and disruption. Then they “crash” from the guilt they feel for doing so. Then the only way to make themselves feel better is to try to get another “high” again from acting badly. If this is the case, you need to break the cycle. One important thing to break the cycle is to be able to be happy and have fun yourself and to let the kid see that you are happy. This is a complex, difficult, and long process.
If you think any of this is helpful, or have other questions, please FReepmail me.
God bless you all.
p.s.
Sometimes parents go to the extreme and hear the advice that they want to hear which is the opposite of what they need.
For example, over controlling parents see advice about being in charge of the child and become even more over-controlling. Disconnected parents see advice about giving the child some space and become even more disconnected. So consider that and be honest in your self-assessment as to whether your actions could be contributing and your “fixes” could be making things worse. (Not trying to criticize your parenting and hopefully this is not an issue. But mentioning it just in case.)
Remember that if you keep trying the same things - or more of the same things - you are likely to get the same results. That doesn’t mean that trying something new, just because it is new, will fix the problem. But examining patterns and thinking about some logical alternatives is a good place to start.