A couple of giggles;)

email from a friend | 11/29/2017 | unknown

[sodpoodle]

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh .............

    "Let's put all the Corn Flakes  back in the  box."

[sodpoodle]

Feeling it was time for a shakeup, a Fortune 500 Company hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business. He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"   A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"

The CEO said, "Wait right here." He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now GET OUT and don't come back."Feeling pretty good about himself the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?" From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's” ;-)   Badabing!!

[deadrock]

Nice. A good chuckle.

[stylin19a]

thanks. I posted this recently, but it might be appropriate here.

My wife asked, that: “if I die first, would you date again?”
Kinda awkward, I said: “after a good long time, probably.”
My wife then asked: “would you let her use my golf clubs ?”
I said: “Nah, she's left handed.”

I get out of the hospital a week from Tuesday.

[outofsalt]

Exercise program for old people:

Week 1: Take 2 two pound sacks of potatoes and while holding one in each hand extend your arms to 90^o and hold them outstrecthed for 30 seconds. Repeat three times.

Week 2: Take 2 five pound sacks of potatoes and while holding one in each hand extend your arms to 90^o and hold them outstrecthed for 30 seconds. Repeat six times.

Week 3: Take 2 ten pound sacks of potatoes and while holding one in each hand extend your arms to 90^o and hold them outstrecthed for 30 seconds. Repeat eight times.

Week 4: Take 2 twenty pound sacks of potatoes and while holding one in each hand extend your arms to 90^o and hold them outstrecthed for 30 seconds. Repeat ten times. This is where I am at now!

Week 5: Put a potato in each sack.

[jonascord]

The husband gets back from the the golf course after 9:00 pm, grey faced with exhaustion, soaked with sweat...
The wife stares at him, upset and baffled. "Where have you been!?"
"It was horrible! Right in the middle of the third fairway, near that sand trap, Harry drops dead, from a heart attack!
The rest of the day, it was hit the ball, drag Harry, hit the ball, drag Harry..."

[painter]

bump

[V K Lee]

The first chuckle was definitely one to make you crow! Passing it on. Thanks.

[windowdude]

First one described my MiL.

[BitWielder1]

A Democrat State Department employee was a little bored so he bought a jigsaw puzzle to fill the time between important meetings.
Once he finished it, he was so proud he had to show it to someone. The cleaning lady would have to do.

"How long did that take you?" she asked.
"About a month." he said.
"That's not very impressive."
"Why? On the box it says 3-5 years."

[tumblindice]

The former president is on the 16th hole, Maui golf course, when a funeral procession drives by on a winding road next to the fairway.
He stops, removes his ball cap and lowers his head.

His partner says, “I think that’s a fine gesture, Barry.”

He replies, “Well, she did manage to raise our two girls and put up with a lot from me. It’s the least I can do.”

[Islander2]

A grandfather was babysitting his very young granddaughter. He had an appointment for a haircut and of course he had to take the granddaughter with him. Knowing she would be bored and restless, he stopped by a mini mart and bought her some Hostess Twinkies to keep her occupied while he was in the chair. The little girl was fascinated by grampa gettin his hair cut and kept getting closer and closer to the barber chair. Finally the barber told her, “You know young lady you are going to get hair on your Twinkie.” Without batting an eye she said, “I know, I’m gonna get boobs too”.

[tumblindice]

If we were to start numbering these jokes to save time, that one would be in my Top Ten. Or five.

[painter]

LOL !!