Posted on 11/23/2017 12:14:45 PM PST by blueunicorn6
Our house has a pass through.
This should not be confused with a passport. A passport is a piece of paper you buy from the government that allows you to visit foreign nations like France and Idaho.
It also has your photo on it. As if the foreigners needed something else to give Americans grief about.
"Is dis you in de photo? I thought maybe it was a photo of your horse."
"If it looks like a horse's ass, then you're just seeing a reflection."
We have a pass through. A pass through is well, basically, a hole in the wall between the kitchen and the dining room. It was in the house when we bought it. Like our electric heating.
In this part of the woods (where'd they get that phrase from? How many parts of the woods are there? The front part. The back part. The part where the Bears shirt) they don't much care for electric heat.
I was at a cocktail party once....OK.....it wasn't a cocktail party. It was a bar. And I'm talking a real dive. The kind of place my friend used to call "a toilet". He'd tell his wife he was going to "the toilet" and he'd come back drunk. She could never find his bottle in the bathroom though she made a game try of it. Anyway, I'm in the awful bar because I didn't want to go shopping with my wife at the fancy toy store next door.
One of those wooden toy toy stores. What kid born after 1900 wants a wooden toy? Wooden trains and wooden cars and wooden video game boxes. Might as well give the kid a gift card from Home Depot. Maybe he'd rather have a toilet plunger than a wooden plane. I would.
So I'm in this dumpy bar telling this old drunk about the electric heat at my house.
He calls me a communist.
"Why don't you just fly that red flag with the hammer and Maple Leaf on it over your den of socialism."
He had obviously mixed up Canada and the old Soviet Union, but most people do. Especially these days.
And did you see the hockey float in the Macy's parade today? They had a chorus line of hockey pucks. I kid you not. Hockey pucks flouncing around doing high kicks and the splits. Oh, Don Rickles, where are you when we need you? He's probably looking down from Heaven heckling the devil.
"Hot enough for you, you hockey puck!"
Where was I? Oh yeah, the pass through.
Our house has one. It's good for making a big presentation. You know, like passing through a birthday cake with all the candles lit. Don't have paper decorations hanging down there, though. It's become something of a tradition to celebrate birthdays with the fire department. They gave me a wooden fire truck for my birthday last year. Liberal cheapos. I could have used a Home Depot gift card. Had to replace the burned up shutters on the pass through.
So it's Thanksgiving and everyone is seated at the table in the dining room but me. I've been carving the turkey. You carve a pumpkin. Who carves a turkey?
Oh look! Their turkey looks like a scary cat! We'll probably all get worms."
And my wife wouldn't let me put a candle in the turkey after I burned up the shutters. You know the old saying,
"Once burned, don't let the husband play with candles again."
So I've got the turkey on this platter thing that costs like a hundred bucks. The platter, not the turkey. The turkey was about twenty five bucks, but it did get me some gas. A nickel a gallon off.
I decide to throw in a little entertainment, so I start making plane sounds and flying the turkey on the platter around in the pass through.
Some of the family got into the spirit of things. We'd all just watched Tora! Tora! I might have left out a Tora! there. My nephews pretended they were Ack Ack gunners and started throwing olives at me.
My father in law was in the Navy. He grabs a couple of plates and starts pretending to be that guy at the front of those aircraft carriers with the paddles that guide the pilots in to land on the deck. I think their official job title is "The Guy With The Paddles Who Guides The Pilots To Land On The Deck". With a name like that, I'll bet the training is like two or three days long.
"OK. Left paddle down, right paddle up. You pass."
My father in law is waving two dishes around and screaming that there's a Zero on my tail. I didn't know my tattoo was visible, but whatever.
I'm doing acrobatics with the turkey on the platter when the laws of physics ruin another good time.
The turkey flew off the platter.
No, it didn't "fly" fly off the platter. It was mostly dead, or at least I thought it was. It sort of came off the platter.
Now, quietly and unobtrusively, the heroes of the story, my four dogs, had been watching the festivities with hopes of snacks.
These aren't just any old dogs. They're "Birders". No, those of us who think Obama wasn't an American are "Birthers". "Birders" are dogs you use to hunt Upland Game Birds like pheasants and quail and dancing hockey pucks.
When they saw that turkey in the pass through, the dogs all went "On Point". Like when Bill Clinton sees a woman.
They were all "On Point" except for The Little Dog. He pulled out his Audon's Guide to be sure the turkey was an Upland Game Bird. Little Mister live by the rules all the time.
When last we saw the turkey, it had lost contact with the platter and was on a Kamikazee run for the gravy boat on the table.
My father in law was trying to "Wave Off" the turkey from landing on the gravy boat but he was as successful with that as he was as shooting the guns out of the hands of desperadoes. That's how I met his daughter, but that's another story. He did have the courtesy to salute the turkey as it sailed by him.
The turkey crashed into the gravy boat, despite the ace shooting of my Ack Ack Gunner nephews who managed to blind me with peas. The gravy exploded out of the gravy bowl like a gravy Tsunami and engulfed my poor Aunt Lois, who had no life jacket.
She screamed and knocked the stuffing out of my Uncle Steve. Literally. He was sneaking a bite when she hit him.
My "Birder" dogs sensed a hole in our Thanksgiving defenses much like the Nazis sensed a hole in the Maginot Line in France during WWII. In they stormed like panzers spreading mayhem and destruction among the French, or Idahoans. I get them mixed up. They both say "We We" a lot.
Down went the turkey like Paris, or Boise. I get them mixed up.
Now some of you are thinking this sounds a lot like the Bumpus Hounds from that movie.
Oh, no.......
Turns out my "birders" don't have the stomach for beating Frenchmen or eating turkey.
Back came the turkey.
Like DeGaul. He was a turkey, wasn't he.
So, I spent the next hour trying to chase the dogs out of the house while our guests gracefully excused themselves for a quick trip to the gas station for that Thanksgiving favorite, pork rinds.
My wife and son and I ate the celery with Cheese Whiz on it. Is there any food that isn't better with Cheese Whiz on it? I think not.
The dogs? They were in the backyard running war games for Christmas. But two can play at that game. I started studying Rommel.
I blitzed their behinds at Christmas. My wife made me board up the pass through.
OUTSTANDING!!! ;-)
LOL..............
Good one..
Very enjoyable-—thanks for the laugh, good job!
In our neck of the woods, it’s called, “our neck of the woods”. Not sure why woods have necks...
Also, I didn’t know Obama was from Idaho as he sure got Wee-Weed up on occasion. Or is he Parisian? I get those mixed up too. Wait, Persian?! I think that’s it.
Anyway, I always thought Idaho was an ebonics word for, uhm, well, anywho, good story about the invasion of Turkey. You gotta keep those Mongols on a leash!
Whenever I hear someone say “Idaho,” I’m tempted to agree, and tell them “Okay, Udaho.”
LOVE it! Thanks!
Idaho ???
Not California ???
:)
I don’t know.
Idaho has always seemed so strange and exotic to me.
Pocatello.....Idaho Falls.....Cordelai....Cardelio....that town by the pretty lake.
And the people. They’re all so mysterious and suave. French fries. Potatoes au Gratin. Potato Pancakes.
What does California have?
Oxnard.
That’s what they have.
And some filthy tar pit.
Nope.
It’s Idaho for me.
Look at their motto.....
“Taters For All!”
oh I don’t know...
The Sheikh with Rudolph Valentino was filmed on the beach at Oxnard
so at one time it was useful for something
as for that tar pit...Its called Los Angeles
:)
Well I have stood upon the mountain
I have seen the other side
Wrestled with the devil
I have wrestled with my pride
Been down in the valley
I have stood out in the rain
Seen my love forsaken
Felt the pleasure and the pain
There’s one thing that’s for certain
One chord that rings true
Well it’s a mighty world we live in
But the truth is we’re only passin’ thru
I have cried in tears of sadness
I have cried in tears of joy
I have found a life worth livin’
From the peace within the noise
I have turned my back on hatred
Lyin’, prejudice, and greed
Found the future in the present
Found hope within a seed
One thing that’s for certain
One chord that rings true
It’s a mighty world we live in
But the truth is we’re only passin’ thru
Passin’ thru, passin’ thru
It’s a mighty world we live in but the truth is
We’re only passin’ thru
I have seen my bucket empty
Seen my well run dry
But there’s water down the road
And I’m only goin’ by
If I’m settin’ on dead-ready
When my chances come to knock
I’ll make it where I’m goin’
I’ll be tall just like a rock
But there’s one thing that’s for certain
One chord that rings true
It’s a wicked world we live in
But the truth is we’re only passin’ thru
Passin’ thru, passin’ thru
It’s a mighty world we live in but the truth is
We’re only passin’ thru
Yeah, it’s a mighty world we live in but the truth is
We’re only passin’ thru
Wise words.....wise words.
We won’t be here forever.
We’re just passing through.
Of course, my story isn’t that deep.
It could be, though.
I can think deeply.
I tend to be a little quiet but you know the old saying,
“Still waters run deep and so do Alabama’s receivers.”
Bkmk
he he :)
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