Megyn Kelly Today, Today: 'Have You Ever Been Attacked By a Wild Cougar?'

Jezebel ^ | 10/16/2017 | Bobby Finger

[nikos1121]

Welcome to Megyn Kelly Today, Today, a new daily column in which we will share the most memorable things that happened on Megyn Kelly Today every morning until we are no longer able to watch Megyn Kelly Today without feeling like there will be no tomorrow. ·Megyn Kelly walked onstage in a tan suede dress.

·Megyn Kelly began by discussing Mayim Bialik’s terrible op-ed, which she hated.

·Megyn Kelly said some things that made the audience applaud.

·Megyn Kelly discussed the outrage against Woody Allen.

·Megyn Kelly said, “There was a very scary moment for passengers on an Air Asia flight yesterday. Raise your hand if you’re afraid of flying!”

·Megyn Kelly said she’s afraid of flying.

·Megyn Kelly told a horrifying story about an Air Asia flight suddenly dropping 20,000 feet while holding back laughter.

·Megyn Kelly said she wanted to discuss this airplane incident a little more, and said, “Who better to ask than Matt Lauer?”

·Matt Lauer shared that he, too, thought that introduction was bizarre.

·Megyn Kelly said, “You want cheery? I’ve got cheery. There’s a new study about emojis...”

·Matt Lauer said Savannah Guthrie loves emojis and that he hates them.

·Megyn Kelly said her favorite emoji is 😳. [See above.]

·Megyn Kelly said that if you get a text from her containing a lot of emojis that she’s probably been drinking.

·Megyn Kelly began a story by saying, “So there was this cougar on the loose in Mississippi...”

·Megyn Kelly rolled this video:

·Megyn Kelly asked Matt Lauer, “Have you ever been attacked by a wild cougar...?”

·Matt Lauer responded, “Have I ever been attacked by a wild cougar? No! I probably wouldn’t be sitting here if I’d been attacked by a wild cougar...”

·Matt Lauer revealed that he’d been kicked in the butt by a llama.

·Megyn Kelly said, “I knew there’d be gold in them thar hills.”

·Matt Lauer proceeded to tell a story about how the first time he met Megyn Kelly “six, seven years ago” that she had a “chocolate scone” in her teeth the whole time. “And I didn’t say a word to her the entire time.”

·Matt Lauer revealed that he eventually told her at the end of their hour of chatting, which both Megyn Kelly and Bobby Finger found rude.

·Megyn Kelly said, “That is messed up!”

·Megyn Kelly and Matt Lauer laughed and laughed!

·Megyn Kelly said, “That was a harbinger of our relationship to come. Radical honesty, too late. Good to see you Matt. Lots of love.”

·Bobby Finger asked aloud, “Are they flirting?”

·Megyn Kelly welcomed astronaut Scott Kelly to the stage and revealed that, gasp, he wrote a book!

·Megyn Kelly said, “I still see our...astronauts as heroes.”

·Bobby Finger said, “Still?”

·Bobby Finger said, “Scott Kelly reminds me of Ed Harris.”

·Scott Kelly said astronauts listen to nature sounds while in space.

·Scott Kelly spoke about his sister-in-law Gabby Giffords’s shooting, and that he was initially told she had died.

·Scott Kelly talked about his “near death experience” in space.

·Megyn Kelly introduced Scott’s girlfriend Amiko Kauderer, who also works at NASA.

·Megyn Kelly asked if there are any “lasting effects” from spending a year in space.

·Scott Kelly said his vision was affected, and that he briefly “stretched” to a new height, but that he eventually “squished” back down.

·Megyn Kelly said, “Coming up, from Growing Pains, Joanna Kerns is here!”

·Megyn Kelly welcomed Joann Kerns, but not before rolling some tape!

·Joanna Kerns is now a successful TV director on shows like Pretty Little Liars, Grey’s Anatomy, The Goldbergs, and This Is Us.

·Joanna Kerns came to the stage to discuss her diagnosis with breast cancer, as well as her recent double mastectomy.

·Joanna Kerns introducers her doctor, Dr. Kristi Funk, who recommends 3D mammograms.

·Megyn Kelly asked, “How are you now?”

·Joanna Kerns said, “I’m great.”

·The audience applauded.

·Megyn Kelly said, “Good for you. Lots of love.”

·Bobby Finger said, “Lots of love is her new thing, I guess.”

·Megyn Kelly introduced today’s TRY THIS TODAY segment with a clip from Seinfeld—the one where George wears nothing but velvet.

·Megyn Kelly explained that we can wear velvet, too!

·Megyn Kelly’s fashion expert guest whose name escapes me said, “Velvet is sort of the fabric of the season.”

·Megyn Kelly’s fashion expert recommended velvet shoes.

·Megyn Kelly said, “My toes are more like fingers.”

·Megyn Kelly asked, “Should we be wearing belts?”

·Megyn Kelly’s fashion expert said, “I love belts.”

·Megyn Kelly put on the velvet gloves and asked some audience members to feel the fabric, which she seemed to love.

·Megyn Kelly said, “Up next, should you tell someone if their fly is open? Or if something’s in their teeth, Matt Lauer?!”

·Bobby Finger said, “She will not let this go!”

·Megyn Kelly welcomed a lifestyle and etiquette expert named Elaine Swann to discuss lifestyle and etiquette.

·Elaine Swann presented a series of etiquette tests.

·Elaine Swann asked if we should tell bosses their fly is open and said you should only tell them if they’re “the same sex.” If they’re the “opposite sex” you should tell a coworker of the boss’s sex and ask them to tell the boss, otherwise you could get sent to HR?????

·Bobby Finger screamed, “WHAT??????”

·Elaine Swann asked if we should take our cell phones to the dinner table.

·Elaine Swann said yes, we can take our cell phones to the dinner table, but not to put them on the table.

·Elaine Swann said we should only to use the phone at dinner if it’s part of the conversation.

·Elaine Swann asked if it’s OK to touch a pregnant friend’s stomach.

·Most of Megyn Kelly’s audience said it was fine.

·Elaine Swann said to “ask first” before touching anyone.

·Megyn Kelly said not to touch anyone’s belly, regardless of whether or not you ask.

·Bobby Finger agreed.

·Megyn Kelly spoke with Hoda and Kathie Lee who bragged that Rita Wilson, Octavia Spencer, and Kelly Clarkson would be on their show.

·Bobby Finger thought it was funny that not one of those people could be spared for Megyn Kelly Today.

·Megyn Kelly Today ended.

[elcid1970]

Looked up a Cosmopolitan. Girly shot.

When I was 30, an attractive woman over 40 was...an older woman. I guess `cougar’ denotes predatory intent.

Since I’ll be 70 next year it’s academic. The worst thing about that cougar pack is that I wouldn’t be able to outrun them. Hardly matters since I spend my evenings at home with my wife.

[xrmusn]

Roger that...

It must be jelly cause jam don’t shake that way.....

[Deplorable American1776]

Have I been attacked by a wild cougar? Will, when I was 20, a 40 year old female was trying to hit on me, so does that count? 😀

[HP8753]

I usually don’t hang out at the local American Legion or VAC clubs. ;-)

[Old Yeller]

She’s a candidate to be a regular on The View.

[Rastus]

This sounds like one of those bad segments on SCTV that would either be interrupted for a Tubes video or hijacked by a Soviet broadcast.

[freedomlover]

[blueunicorn6]

Yosh and Stan Schmenge.

“And Mrs. Kovatch’s delicious cabbage rolls.”

SCTV Network 90

[dfwgator]

"I won't date just any girl around/'Cause Patsy has the largest breasts in town."

[x]

I started to read it and had to start over a couple times. I figured I missed something. Then I thought I had had a stroke because it happened again. Then I realized it must be my severe ADD.

You could do something like this with a lot of talk shows if you hate the host enough.

[Deplorable American1776]

I was attacked by a Cougar, a drunk was driving it....😀

[ssaftler]

“And now back to our movie, The Rutabaga That Ate Yakima starring Bud Johnson.”

I saw that movie, and I thought that the star was Harry the Wonder Chicken. Didn't Harry save Seattle by eating the Rutabaga???

[blueunicorn6]

Harry didn’t have top billing in that film.

He did star in the sequel, The Parsnip That Ate Portland.

Tragically, Harry didn’t age well and he received fewer and fewer movie offers as he got older.

He started drinking and one evening he crashed his Porsche into a chain link fence and became a dozen orders of chicken nuggets.

[Kommodor]

Too bad Leslie Nielsen is gone. He would have been perfect...

“Have you ever been attacked by a wild cougar?”

...

“Would you like to be?”

...