Posted on 03/17/2017 12:30:57 AM PDT by American72
“Somewhere there is a woman behind it.”
Yes, you are right. He never dated in high school or college, and then met a young lady a few years ago. When he introduced her to us, she basically ignored us all night while hanging all over our son (in front of my 10 year old daughter at the time), and giggled and acted very dingy. I told him later that I wouldn’t have that kind of PDA in front of my daughter. You can’t have an intelligent conversation with her. They got engaged but quickly realized it is kind of hard when you both live at home and don’t have an income level required to move out on their own.
Now he is going to this 6 month paid internship (that is supposed to culminate in a job) and she is going to school for surgical technician (she’s only worked at Starbucks but at least realized she also needed some additional skills) so they will be apart for the next several months as he moves away. He doesn’t ever bring her around to us, and when she does come to holiday gatherings, again, she basically ignores us while talking to extended family. He spends time with her family and they all love him. Even though at the beginning of the relationship he talked about how controlling they were of her, and how they had been part of a weird cult like home church where all the families got together and listened to some guy (not a pastor) preach. The kids weren’t allowed to socialize with anyone outside the “church.” She has been going to all the different churches my son has been trying out since he decided to leave the LCMS. Now they are both trying to convert to Orthodoxy.
At Christmas, she brought my mom a present but got nothing for my DH and I and I or even my daughter. We did get her something. At this point, I can’t stand being around her. I don’t treat her poorly or talk down to her or anything. I think he has talked about us to her so much that she hates us.
So yes, I do believe this relationship has a lot to do with his attitude towards us as well. It’s not just politics, it’s basically anything we do he has a contradictory or sarcastic comment about. Again, maybe distance between us (and the girl) will help.
Tough times.
He is young, he hasn’t had time to personally see the destruction lib politics have on the people that are supposedly being helped. He hasn’t worked hard and seen his paycheck abused by the libs. Give him time, he will likely straighten out.
Let him go. There is no creature so arrogant as a 23-year-old with a college degree and no significant real world work experience.
Remember the parable of the prodigal son. Welcome him back with open arms when he returns to you. But first, he needs to go out into the world and make his own way for a while, before he can grow to respect and appreciate all you have done for him.
My experience has been that it will take four to five years for this to happen. All you can do is be patient.
He’s an adult now, going out completely on his own. He’ll fail or succeed on his own. That includes belief or behavior outside of his upbringing. It sounds as if you’ve done your job as a parent, if so he’ll be well served by that and will eventually return to the fold. But, even if he doesn’t he’s your son. Love him all the same. Most teens think their parents are stupid, falling prey to every passing fad and belief because they think they’ve discovered something new and better. Chalk it up to delayed adolescence.
There’s only so much you can do within today’s parental limits. That is, limited by social services, the school system, what they watch on TV, read in news and peer pressure just to mention a few.
Don’t overlook genetics too. That’s a biggy. Some genetic factors deal with behavior and personality.
We have a similar case in our family. You just gotta learn t let kit go, get on with life, and find what happiness there is.
I wonder if the problem isn’t a two way street. You must be awful thin skinned to let a “snide remark” get to you, probably the only reason he does it.
Praying is the best solution when this difficulty occurs. I Pray for one of my Sons - Gregory - that he opens his heart to Jesus Christ. I have let Jesus into my heart and I am better because of it.
Send Love and Prayers. Bless you and your Son.
The indoctrination begins in kindergarten and continues in both private and public schools.
I don’t like him being rude and condescending to me especially in front of guests. I did not raise him to behave in that manner. Which is why he did apologize later about behaving that way, which at least was good.
He’s an adult - you raised him 72 but you don’t own him. Your son’s an arrow you send into the future.
Many of us come from ‘mixed’ families. My larger family’s liberal... when some of them were ‘de-friending’ Trump supporters, many made an exception of me because I’m family - and they love me.
I appreciated that and returned the favor - - do that with your son. Accepting him is not the same as taking on his beliefs.
Buy a round trip ticket for you and your son for a week vacation in Venezuela. Tell your son his task while there is to buy toilet paper and bread.
A child making a snide remark to a parent?
You have two things going for you/him....I think it is a blessing that he’s remained a Christian....and...he sent you an apology text.
Two things to hold hope on.
The rest, like others have so wisely said, will come with prayer and his growing up.
I wish you the best and lift a prayer.
I can’t give any advice, but I can tell you that I am going through exactly the same thing.
My 28 year old son who once stood and defended Christianity is now scoffing at the notion that God exists.
He did not attend college, but most of his friends did - and they collectively turned him around. He is anti-God, anti-America, etc. He was home-schooled and grew up with Rush on the radio in the background every afternoon. His sister is the opposite - stayed true, married her Christian high school sweetheart, etc. A mother’s dream. But the boy....well, he’s proud to be the black sheep.
Fortunately, he’s still a nice guy and is fun to be around, so we all get along. We just avoid certain topics. The odd time he spouts off and makes fun, I just shake my head and say, “You’re a bright guy, Mike. You’ll figure it out some day.”
I, like you, can do nothing except be a positive example and pray.
That is perfectly hilarious!!
I had rebellious daughter . She was 16, in the gifted program in school. Met a worthless slug of a boyfriend. Quit school, etc.
We were in a quandary, so many plans for her future, smart girl, college.
Finally went to Tough Love. They made us realize we couldn’t live her life, she would have to make her own decisions.
We could set the rules while she was under our roof.
That relieved us of a huge burden of questioning ourselves.
She came around when I told her that on her 18th birthday all her possessions would be on the street in front of the house. She knew I meant it.
Let him go, his decisions are his alone.
You guided him, if he didn’t accept that guidance, well, it’s on him.
My advice is to work hard on your youngster. Teach her to question what EVERYONE says & look up the facts & verify for herself. Do it with her on school projects. The leftists are in junior high & high schools, too. The sooner you start the less likely you’ll be dealing with this unhappy situation a second time.
thanks :)
Don’t feel lonely. Mr. GG2’s daughter hasn’t contacted him in mos. She is a totally brainwashed snowflake posting all the usual nonsense on Facebook. He calls her out on it and now she won’t speak to him. I have two nieces on the spectrum as well. I keep the peace with them by not generally discussing politics.
Long story short I believe we have a generation that has been lost and we will not get them back. The baby boomers did not keep an eye on the public school system and what can you do with a bunch of young people who have been brainwashed into socialism from 1st grade through college?
“He wrote a blog recently called “Why Liberals Lose” and it basically said that liberals know they are smarter than conservatives, and they just have to learn how to convey their message better so that conservatives will understand it.”
He answered it right there. People don’t LIKE people who “know they are smarter” and THAT is “Why Liberals Lose.”
The fact is that nearly everybody rates themselves as somewhat or a lot better than average in all areas. This comes from an interesting book: “You Are Not So Smart: Why You Have Too ManyFriends on Facebook, Why Your Memory is Mostly Fiction, and 40 Other Ways You’re Deluding Yourself” by David McRaney. This book kind of puts things in perspective by showing how our minds, memories and conclusions work, as in the rating of one’s self as better than average example.
P.S. I also want to ask someone like this, “So how does it feel, to know you are smarter than all members of a group, some of whom have written great books, started huge businesses, solved major problems, and so forth? And, how is “smart” defined since there are at least seven intelligences? And, how did you discover that you are so smart?”
In my experience people who think they are smarter than everybody else just have no idea of how much they don’t know. Dunning-Kruger effect.
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