Posted on 01/19/2017 5:11:01 AM PST by Gamecock
Dear Ms. Paltrow,
I’ve been reading all about the jade eggs you are selling on GOOP for $55-66 a pop and the corresponding interview with a jade egg enthusiast. I have tried not to respond to this hot mess, after all a man who leers at naked 15 year-olds and brags about sexual assault is about to assume the highest office in the land. Quite frankly women have more compelling health interests right now, however, I have been asked by so many people about your vaginal rocks that I felt it necessary to drop you a line.
I read the post on GOOP and all I can tell you is it is the biggest load of garbage I have read on your site since vaginal steaming. It’s even worse than claiming bras cause cancer. But hey, you aren’t one to let facts get in the way of profiting from snake oil.
My issue begins with the very start of your post on jade eggs specifically that “queens and concubines used them to stay in shape for emperors.” Nothing says female empowerment more than the only reason to do this is for your man! And then the claim that they can balance hormones is, quite simply, biologically impossible. Pelvic floor exercises can help with incontinence and even give stronger orgasms for some women, but they cannot change hormones. As for female energy? I’m a gynecologist and I don’t know what that is!? How does one test for it? Organically sourced, fair trade urine pH sticks coming soon to GOOP for $77 I presume?
If the word for womb is yoni I hate to break it to you, but the uterus and vagina are different structures. If you are using the Sanskrit, while I admit I am no language scholar, it seems that yoni means the entire female reproductive tract and you should say that. Terminology aside, the vulva, vagina, cervix, and uterus are not intuition repositories and neither are they sources of “power” or “wisdom.” If fact, I find that assertion insulting. Do you really mean a woman who does not have a uterus is less effective? Is a woman without a vagina less intelligent? Is a woman who had a vulvectomy due to cancer less creative?
As for the recommendation that women sleep with a jade egg in their vaginas I would like to point out that jade is porous which could allow bacteria to get inside and so the egg could act like a fomite. This is not good, in case you were wondering. It could be a risk factor for bacterial vaginosis or even the potentially deadly toxic shock syndrome.
Regarding the suggestion to wear the jade egg while walking around, well, I would like to point out that your pelvic floor muscles are not meant to contract continuously. In fact, it is quite difficult to isolate your pelvic floor while walking so many women could actually clench other muscles to keep the egg inside. It is possible the pained expression of clenching your butt all day could be what is leading people to stare, not some energy glow.
Overenthusiastic Kegel exercises or incorrectly done Kegel exercises are a cause of pelvic pain and pain with sex in my practice. Imagine how your biceps muscle (and then your shoulders and then your back) might feel if you walked around all day flexed holding a barbell? Right, now imagine your pelvic floor muscles doing this.
For women who want to use a device to help with Kegel exercises I suggest using weights made with medical grade silicone or plastic and to not wear them for long periods of time. Kegel exercises are not just about the contraction, the relaxation phase is just as important.
The only thing your post got right is to check with your doctor before using one. So let me give you some free advice, don’t use vaginal jade eggs.
Until next time,
Jen
Yeeech!
Never heard that before - what's it all about (a link will suffice!)
They meant bill clinton!
MEGA SARC
Lobster and champagne tomorrow Freepers.
Yep.
1st- It sounds like she has confused Trump with Biden who’s awkward PDA moments with young ladies is legendary.
2nd- I’d be willing to bet that GYN means she is an abortionist.
after all a man who leers at naked 15 year-olds and brags about sexual assault is about to assume the highest office in the land.
That happened in 1992, you stupid b!tch ...
Nice takedown of the stupid hollyweirdo, though. You used facts and logic! Congratulations! Why not try forming your political positions using facts and logic?
_____________________
Leftist need to learn the definition of ‘assault.’ A woman throwing herself at a celebrity is not assaulted.
Make mine the fourth or fifth WHAT THE HELL IS THIS LEFTIST SLUT TALKING ABOUT? regarding the “leering at 15 year olds” invention.
You know what the Dems say... if you can’t something nice about somebody, just make some sh** up.
Yeah, where’d that come from. Must be a fact tho. Its one of the first things said in the story. And it right where I stopped reading it........
Yet another Hollywood elite dumbass
Paltrow, reminding us she is as stupid as a box of jade eggs.
William Jefferson Blythe Rapist Clinton was elected President. I should have specified 1993, when he took office.
Nevermind - I sourced it.
and the winner is .....
BUZZFEED!
October last year reported that, at the Miss Teen USA pagent in 1997 *some* of the contestants remember that Trump walked into the Dressing room and *some* of the girls *may* of have been topless (or even nude) and *some* of them *may* have been as young as 15.
One nice quote:
“The dressing room was described by multiple contestants as one large, long, open space with 51 stations, one for each contestant, lined up against the walls. Cutting through the middle of the room were racks of clothing. Girls did not have individual partitions shielding their station from the rest of the space, and it was often bustling with stylists, pageant officials, and other crew members coming and going.”
But Trump entering the room is “EVIL”!!
This was all very soon after the “Grab them by ...” media offering.
Jade egg - must be some kind of kidney stone envy.
I stopped reading this moonbat’s comments the second I saw that stupid line.
And this mentally ill b*tch Jen Gunter is a physician?
Shouldn’t these things come with a string?
“While she is quite correct about the medical aspects...”
Well, she lost me when she asserted that there are women without vaginas, and they are equally intelligent as, presumably, women who **do** have vaginas...
In a vaguely related note, there have been a lot of women in past who have used their vaginas as “second purses” to store stuff. “Psychic mediums” who claimed to “materialize” objects out of thin air; drug and gun smugglers; and things far worse.
That being said, there actually is an OB/GYN joke. An interesting way to describe the profession.
An OB/GYN was going to take a holiday, which he said he planned to use making some home repair. “I plan to put up new wallpaper in my vestibule, through the mail slot.”
If I was going to remake Forrest Gump with a female lead a la the current trend in Hollywood, I would rename it Gwyneth Paltrow and she would be the star. No one else could portray a blithering idiot more effectively than the scion of an actress and a brownshirt tv producer who genuinely believes that she has an acting career based on her ability.
Given the context, I assume she's talking about actual XX women whose organs were surgically removed due to cancer or some similar disease. Certainly there are many actual XX women who no longer have ovaries, uteruses or cervixes.
Well, since you mentioned it:
(I swear I start threads about things other than inserting objects into lady parts)
Well, it’s from the scrambled egg mind of Gwyneth.
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