Posted on 05/25/2016 12:20:02 AM PDT by proud American in Canada
I just have a few words to say about my father. He recently passed away.
I am doing something bad (in FR), because I am posting, and then going to bed. And hopefully falling asleep. Although I will have my tablet. So I won't be posting and running. ;) :)
haven't slept much since my father died. I was just wondering, how do you deal with becoming an adult orphan? When there is no one you can call for advice?
Whenever I see the Cubs, Sox, Blackhawks, Bulls, and later, "da Bears," I want to call him. I cannot even remember how many sporting events my sister and I attended with him and my mom, or his friends... he was a sports fanatic.
Just wondering how you deal with losing a parent. I want a sign. Where is he?
I believe in Christ, I believe in Heaven, but suddenly, when someone who is close to you is torn away... it's just ... difficult and sad.
So what have you done? How did you deal with this?
Since last December... I have been out to Chicago and Wisconsin three times... visiting my Dad. He was in a retirement home... declining with each visit.
I am tired. I cannot sleep; It is now 3 am where I live... and I have to get up tomorrow.
I got into a major argument with my sister about the time and place of his internment, which will be in IL. We resolved it.
I just feel so lost. He was my rock. Every night, I called him to do the daily jumble... at the end, he couldn't really hear me very much...
And there were nights when I was tired... It was 9 or 10 and I didn't want to call... but then I told myself, "Someday, you won't have that option."
I would just love to hear his voice or feel his presence or tell me ... I dont know.
I turned 18 in October 1980. On voting day, I asked my Dad, "who should I vote for?" He said, "Ronald Reagan."
And that is exactly what I did. You can't go wrong listening to the wisdom of your parents. Take what works for you, but they have lived through things that you haven't...
Anyway... I will be back on this thread. I have so much I want to say about him.
He was one of Chicago's best defense attorneys ever. But he was never in it for the money. He just hated to see people wrongly accused; he wanted to clear people's reputations. And he did.
Hope you can see this! :)
I've found, from the loss of my father, that it doesn't get better, it just gets different. I wish had better news.
Be a father.
It’s my Faith. What I Believe. This Earth ends for all of us sometime.
Then we JOIN THAT GREAT PRAYER MEETING IN THE SKY!
When things get rough down here, I have to practice My Faith even harder. But it’s worth it!
Praise The Lord +++
[ Hmm of course there is that little thing Purgatory.
For the rough edges to get fixed.]
I understand.
He was always there. One time, we were driving across the Sunshine Skyway Bridge in Florida. My sister and I were sitting in the back seat, scared, because there was a torrential rainstorm.
My Dad kept saying, it will be okay...
later... he couldn’t see even two feet in front of him. He couldn’t stop, either... he just had to plow through, slowly... But we always trusted him.
In fact, my sister and I were on the swim team, because when we were little, and on a family vacation (Dad loved that movie!), some boys threw my six year old sister into the hotel pool.
After that, he said, you girls are going to learn to swim and take swimming lessons until you can beat me in a race! :) And every family vacation, we raced... I don’t think we ever did beat him. :)
Thank you. :)
(p.s.,I am a woman, but I promise, I’ll be a mother, the best I can be. :) need to update my profile!)
Thank you for caring. :)
“It’s my Faith. What I Believe. This Earth ends for all of us sometime.
Then we JOIN THAT GREAT PRAYER MEETING IN THE SKY!
When things get rough down here, I have to practice My Faith even harder. But it’s worth it!’
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I agree.... We are here for some reason; why, we don’t know.
Love Alison Kraus and the bluegrass music... what is that song? “Shield of Faith”... when things get tough, you need that shield of faith to keep you going. I feel that and believe that with all of my heart.
Last year I learned another loss I had been through before but was much younger in my late 20's. My second wife passed and we'd been married just short of 30 years. I did a lot of talking to myself after that one. But I also focused on my mom as my only surviving sibling my sister passed a month before my wife did.
It takes time. No two persons grieve the same and what works for one person may make matters worse for another. It's been 14 months and some answers of what do I do next with my life I'm still looking for. Dad helped me through loosing my first wife. She died as she was getting in his van to get a ride with to her mothers on his way to work at 24 years old. I had already left for work.
This time I've had to work it out myself and help mom work through her grief. Short answer I guess is focus on the living as much as possible.
I am so sorry for your loss...reading your words breaks my heart. Your father sounds like a wonderful man and of course your pain at loosing someone so dear is understandable. It’s ok to grieve...it’s ok to find yourself doing things or thinking things “out of the norm.” There is no “normal” right now, you are grieving which takes time. It is a process but in this process you will learn a lot about life and yourself that will amaze you and give you strength to walk it out, I was an orphan at 25. I knew I was an orphan so I find it interesting that you went to that place too. I was a adored only child who lost her mother and father within a year from each other...a marriage a year later and my 8 yr. old son, my only child a year later. At 30 years old I was wiped out...crying out to God, whoever He was to have Mercy. That was 40 years ago. I can now say I’ve had a wonderful life for you see I now know, very intimately, who God is...I now know why my 8 yr. old son was shot and killed, I now have wisdom and peace. Keep walking every day calling on God as your HEAVENLY FATHER. Jesus said He would never leave you or forsake you...you are not alone. As you share your grief and love with others you will grow stronger every day and your Father’s memories will become a warm blanket without any pain...it will happen.
Well, first of all, my Mom died in 1996 of cancer. Dad got remarried and he was ripped off (if she ever steps foot in Illinois, she is wanted on multiple fraud charges. LOL!).
Second, and most importantly, what happened to your first wife? Was she in a car accident in your Dad’s van? I am so sorry....It sounds like you have been through horrific tragedy.
Yes, I am sad...but is in the normal course of things. I am 53; my dad was 81.
I did not lose a spouse in the prime of life. That is much more painful, because it is not right.
Sending prayers your way, FRiend. Take care.
Julie.
I lost my Dad almost a year ago. Heart problems plus alzheimers. The last time I spoke to him, he was in the hospital, giving the nurses hell, refusing to take any medications. I asked him to think about taking the meds.
He did not answer, he never spoke to me again. By this time, alzheimers and the trauma of just being in the hospital had rendered him mute. I could only hear him breathing in deep, even breaths.
When he died, I had this vision of my past in the form of an old family house. The old family house was burning furiously, relentlessly. The skies were black with smoke.
At the funeral, I was reminded how many people he had helped and influenced to make something good out of their lives.
I too felt like an ‘orphan’, which seemed ridiculous, me pushing 60 years of age. I cope with his death now by trying to do what he did, give your love away. Don’t always keep your sense of caring a hidden secret behind a mask of protection. Find moments where you allow yourself to be open and even a little vulnerable. As Christ said, love one another. Offer guidance to those who ask for it, or require it. Offer forgiveness to those who have wronged you, even those who don’t ever ask for it. Open your mind and your heart, show compassion.
One can forgive, without forgetting a lesson of great significance.
Whenever I see the Cubs, Sox, Blackhawks, Bulls, and later, "da Bears," I want to call him.You threw me.
My beloved mother died 40 years ago ( yes, she was far too young to die, but she had cancer and died )and you never stop hurting, missing your parent, wanting to just hear a word from them, be hugged. Yes, the pain does grow less, but you live with it the rest of your life.
How did I cope? I would talk to a picture of her; I still do, as well as to my favorite pictures of my beloved grandparents. YES, TALK OUT LOUD !
You’re going through the grieving part, so grieve! Cry, rail, pray,and cry some more, but most of don’t hold back; you will feel better once you get this part over with. If you don’t do this now, at some future point in time, you WILL be overcome by your held in grief and that’s worse.
Hug your husband, if you have a kid/kiddos hug them too...or at least talk with them in person or on the phone. Make sure you tell everyone how much you love them. And yes, do calmly explain how much you hurt....just don’t overdo it.
And IF you ever need a shoulder or an ear ( eye, actually ), drop me a note. I lived in Chicago for 17 years, so I’m familiar with things you might want to talk with someone about, even though I hate football and am a N.Y. Yankees fan. :-)
I DO know all about the “green wall at Wrigley, how they play doodly do de doo, and and such.
My second cousin died at the end of last summer, so now I have NOBODY at all left, whom I can talk about my grandmother, my mother, and opera with. At least you still have your sister. I know how you feel right now. Hopefully I and other FREEPERS can help you get through this time.
HUGS......
np
My Mom and Dad both passed away eleven months to the day from each other.
“I was a adored only child who lost her mother and father within a year from each other...a marriage a year later and my 8 yr. old son, my only child a year later. At 30 years old I was wiped out...crying out to God, whoever He was to have Mercy. That was 40 years ago. I can now say I’ve had a wonderful life for you see I now know, very intimately, who God is...I now know why my 8 yr. old son was shot and killed, I now have wisdom and peace. Keep walking every day calling on God as your HEAVENLY FATHER. Jesus said He would never leave you or forsake you...you are not alone. As you share your grief and love with others you will grow stronger every day and your Father’s memories will become a warm blanket without any pain...it will happen”
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Oh LadyL... I am so sorry.... your pain must be unbearable, but for the Grace of God.
My sister lost her son as well. As I mentioned to another FRiend, I have lost my father... but that is normal. To lose a child, or a spouse, ... I am so sorry.
I will pray for you.
Jesus will never leave us. He gave His live for us. He is truly the Son of God; and made the ultimate sacrifice; sometimes I wonder why humanity is worthy of that.
And we must try to be. Because He and His Father apparently thought we were worthy of it.
Please take care of yourself and mail me anytime. Take care.
All the best,
Julie
(by the way, it is now 4, so I really do need to go to bed and try to sleep. Thank you all for responding. I answer when I see a post. So if I want to sleep, I probably shouldn’t refresh the page. LOL!)
It sounds like they were in love... and couldn’t do without each other....
Take care.
Time is the only cure. Years. I speak from experience.
Lost my Dad 10 years ago; he was 62 and passed away from a very fast-moving cancer. I was a “Daddy’s Girl”; he taught me all kinds of sports; spent my childhood following him around the farm.
Miss him every day and always will.
So sorry for your loss...sounds like your Father was a wonderful man.
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