Posted on 03/14/2016 11:37:01 PM PDT by Talisker
Little Johnny comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. "Not yet," said Little Johnny. His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks. "Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren't getting any milk." Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen. Little Johnny looks up at his mother with a smile, and says: "Are you going to tell him, or should I?"
“You don’t get to clean the turds out of the flower pot for a week”, isn’t really a good punch line. The conceptual continuity breaks with your punch line. If you put the words “chicken”, “pig”, and “cow” into the lead in to the joke it makes it all the more ridiculous; in fact, this is not even considered a joke, but a bit of word play, and at best a desperate try for a spoonerism-joke, and it just fails miserably at that.
This side of his realm, it's known as Ben & Jerry's...
Most have probably heard this one, but I think it’s kinda funny: (It’s a littlee bit smutty, so those who take offense; please forgive)
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Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, ‘Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.’
...The gas pump, of course, didn’t respond.
The younger alien became angry at the lack of response.
The older alien said, ‘I’d calm down if I were you.’
The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response.
Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump’s haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, ‘Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!’
The older alien again warned his comrade saying, ‘You probably don’t want to do that! I really don’t think you should make him mad.’
‘Rubbish,’ replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch.
Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head.
‘What a ferocious creature!’ exclaimed the young, fried alien. ‘He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?’
The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, ‘If there’s one thing I’ve learned during my intergalactic travels, you don’t want to mess with a guy who can wrap his penis around himself twice and then stick it in his ear.’
Thanks for the chuckle. :)
Heard that one, but it’s still darn funny.:)
Gee.
I notice you’re catching a wee bit of flack for this joke.
As in everything else in life it’s .....
timing.......
that’s important.
Why don’t you try setting up a blog and excerpting your jokes?
That way there will be a five to seven second delay between the last part of the set-up and the punch line.
Sven invited Ole over to see their new pet monkey.
Sven was explaining how it’s great! “Oh heck, he plays catch with us, rides the swing, eats at the table with us. Shoot - he even sleeps with us in bed! Right between me and Leena!”
Ole replies “Well Jeez Sven - what about the smell?”
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“Oh, its okay. If I can get use to it, the monkey should be able to.”
It's just a joke. If you don't like it, move on.
Ted Kennedy!
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Chores before breakfast? Is that what it’s like on a farm? Terrible.
my chore before breakfast was to go see if my fescue sprouted on day 9 and then watch this video on pine needles
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_B8-1sVcfzE
They deleted a fun thread about Madonna being a skank, no fun allowed.
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